My reality.

C'mon, ride the train.

2011-08-19T12:57:00.000-07:00

(Yes, I'm going to ignore the fact that I haven't posted in 6 months and just get right to the good stuff. Hi Amber!)

Earlier this week we went to a local fair that I spent a lot of time at as a kid. It's your typical fair with farm animals, good homecooking by old ladies, other fried fair food, parades, rides and carnies. I love it. I have so many memories of this thing, it's ridiculous. So I wanted Stella to experience the magic. And boy, did she.

Stella took her first-ever carnie ride. When we got over the ride portion of the fair, I didn't think she'd want anything to do with them. Nor did I think they had stuff for kids her age. But the minute we walked past this train, she says, "Train, peaz? Train, peaz?"

"Oh really, you want to go on that? Um, ok, let's get a ticket. I guess," says me feeling trepidation at my 19-month-old wanting to ride one of these notorious death traps/germ factories. "Look! Candy!" No luck, she was repeating the word "train" about 27 times. We (I) weren't getting out of this one.

So I get her a ticket to ride. I tell her she has to wait in line until it's her turn and she stands at this little gate like she knows exactly what to do, like she's done it a thousand times. I looked at her from behind and just couldn't believe it. My little girl was suddenly a big girl, waiting her turn to ride this exciting multi-colored train that was assembled by some random traveling carnie clown, who I'm sure didn't consider what awesome cargo it would be carrying and therefore put it together half assed, because what does he care? He doesn't pay the insurance on this thing and his kid isn't riding it. He just wants to push the Go button and get back to drinking his beer. Not that I'm a paranoid generalizer or anything.

I asked him if I was able to ride with her, because she's only 19 MONTHS OLD, SHE CAN'T RIDE THESE THINGS BY HERSELF! He gave me a pursed smile and shook his head.

Fine, but I'm buckling her in myself so that I know at least someone took precaution in the safety of my baby. My FIRST BORN. Remember that when you hit "Go", carnie face, REMEMBER THAT."

I thought that after I buckled Stella in, she would start to cry because she saw that she was getting on alone and would be frightened. Uh, as if. She stretched her arms out to relax and was ready to enjoy the ride. I stood off to the side and waved like a moron because that's all I could do. She was out of my hands. My Mom told me to tell the guy to stop the ride if she start crying, but I didn't. I knew she wasn't going to cry. I should have told him to stop the ride if I started crying, as that was the more likely scenario. Ugh. She just looked so big. So little, yet so big. It was a moment for me.

She laughed the entire 5 laps around. Every second from beginning to end was the experience of a lifetime for her. It was like a hot dog, ice cream, blueberries, wagons and shoes all rolled into one giant ball of awesome. Look at her:

My little big girl. Riding the rails.

She got to take two rides on this train. And when they were over she ran to me and said, "More train, Mama, more train!?" And then again with more feeling. Complete with tears. The softie in me could have spent $45 watching her ride this train the rest of the night. But then some kid walked by giving away balloons and saved me.

It was such a fun experience. I loved seeing her get so excited about something. She was so ready to tackle this. And she didn't just tackle it, she took a big 'ole bite out of it and went back for more. And came out with the biggest grin on her face this fair has ever seen. It was delicious.

UPDATE: we went back to the fair again tonight. This time she rode the carousel. You can pretty much forget everything I just said about the train. The carousel is where it's at. She told me the train is for babies and is soooo two days ago.

Stella - month 13.

2011-02-16T07:38:00.000-08:00

I feel like Month 13 has been the month of all-of-sudden learning. It's like everything is clicking and I feel like Stella would score really well if she took the ACTs right now. She's becoming a functioning human being who says things and responds to things. She's a yummy little sponge, mimicing everything we do.

When I use hand sanitizer or say " gotta go wash my hands", she'll wring her little hands together just like I do. And when Nora goes outside to go to the bathroom, Stella will stand at the door and wait for her, and then when she sees her, she'll pick up the towel by the door to wipe the snow off of her feet.

She's been picking up the sign language like nobody's business. A couple of weeks ago one of her teachers told me that Stella was sitting at the table and wanted more food, so she gave the sign for "more" and then immediately gave the sign for "please"! She said "more, please!" She's polite to boot! And last night we got home from work/school and she gave me the sign for "eat". Food is very important to this child, especially when it comes in the form of blueberries, raisins and meatballs.

She knows what sound cows, ducks, lions, owls, horses, and microwaves make. We feel it's important that she know animal and appliance sounds. You never know when they might come in handy. Just say the word microwave and she'll beep. She even knows what buttons to push on the microwave to make it turn on (yes, I'm quite the gourmet chef, she's learned from the master).

But she's also getting a little temper. Her favorite way to get you to pick her up is to sit down and throw herself backward so that her little noggin bounces off the floor. Which is less than delightful, especially when done on the kitchen floor. Mike and I have learned when she's about to do it, so we'll grab her shirt and pull her forward. Is there anything worse than hearing the sound of skull meeting tile? Please let this just be a phase. I also wouldn't be mad if she would stop dropping her food on the floor. Nora+broccoli = unpleasantness for all. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't look you right in the eyes and then drop it, just to spite you. She knows she shouldn't do it because she'll drop it and then shake her head no. These little things are smart I tell ya.

Oh this is too much fun.

Dinner With Schmucks.

2011-01-06T08:31:00.000-08:00

Last night the three of us headed to dinner at one of the nicer restaurants in town. We were seated next to two gentleman who I'm guessing were in their sixties. As we sat down I caught a glimpse of one of the gentleman's faces - he looked less than pleased. I'm sure it had something to do with the fact that we had a baby... in a restaurant.

Our Stella is a good eater. She likes to eat (she ate 3 helpings of meatloaf and watermelon at school yesterday! I think she must be stealing other kids' lunches) and will eat just about anything. And as long as she has food in front of her you won't hear a peep out of her. She finds it rude when you eat in front of her and will tell you so. Manners, people! So we come prepared. I brought food, she ate some of our food and nary a peep left her mouth. You would never even have known she was there. I'd say she was pretty close to the perfect dining companion. (However, as Mike said, the floor may have disagreed. Messes, she can make them!)

So the men finish their meal and get up to leave and the one who glared at us stops at our table and says, "You've got a lovely little girl there." I say, "Thank you!" He says, "She's very well behaved." ...

Now, I cynically translate this comment as, "Dude, when you guys sat down I was pissed. I didn't want to hear your kid scream while I ate my dinner. You really shouldn't bring kids to this type of restaurant because you ruin dinners and you ruin lives. I've been sitting over there this whole time waiting for her to start yelling and then I was going to complain to the manager and have you removed. But imagine my surprise when she hardly made a sound. And now that I've finished my steak in peace, I need to apologize to you and your kid because I was a judgmental asshat. I really should stop being a crotchedy older guy and get over myself because I have kids too (he told me so) and I'm sure I wanted to take them to a nice restaurant without fear of jerkfaces like myself. And now I've become one. Shame on me. So, uh, your kid is lovely. Have a nice evening."

I'm sure I'm not too off here. Or am I? Was he just being nice? Am I projecting because I'm afraid of having a screaming baby in public? Or is this a thing? Do people hate to eat next to children? I'm definitely a big eye roller and sigher if I'm sitting near a kid on a long flight, but I don't think I've ever been angry to sit by a kid while I ate? And believe me, I'm pretty sensitive to annoying sounds. It's a cursed gift.

So is this just my spidey oversensitivity? You can tell me.

It's my party and I'll eye stab you if I want to.

2010-12-13T09:00:00.000-08:00

This is the kind of picture you get when you have a birthday party during the time that the birthday honoree is supposed to be napping. You get a kid who is overly tired, probably overwhelmed, coming down from a sugar coma, with cake in her hair and on her knee (?), half dressed, clutching her favorite gift of all the 58 awesome gifts that were opened, and still looking as cute as can be. (Come to think of it, I have many "day after college party" photos that are quite similar to this.)

Note: she isn't officially 1 yet. We still have 9 days, but you know, the Holidays.

(Stella, I'm going to make a concerted effort to not make this excuse every year. You most definitely deserve your own day apart from "the season" and we will celebrate your day on your day.)

Another note: 1?

Another another note: No this carpet is not in our house.

Photo credit: Turtle Parade (thanks!)

In summary.

2010-11-30T18:04:00.000-08:00

Annnnd... done. I did it. 30 days, 30 posts.

I certainly achieved quantity, not so sure about quality. But it's hard to go from very little to a lot in one month. I was hoping to end this with a meaty post, but I'm not quite finished with the one I was working on yet and quite frankly, I'm spent. Thankfully November is a 30-day month instead of 31. But you know what the best part is? This blog won't blow up tomorrow because it's December 1. Nope, I can still post here whenever I feel like it. So that post can wait until it's good and ready.

Can't say that this has helped me with my writing as I was hoping it would, but it did refresh my attitude about blogging. I should do it more. I love the connection with others and I enjoy writing about my life. So for that, I'm glad I did this. But you don't have to bother checking my blog tomorrow because I won't have anything for you.

Your comments have been fantastic. Thank you for caring and responding. And thank you for every awesome post that you all have written. It's been oodles of fun reading such good stuff this month. I've definitely taken some inspiration from each of your blogs. Meaning, I've taken some of your funny thoughts and will be passing them off as my own. But I'll wait a while so that you'll forget what you said.

Congrats to all who completed the challenge!

(Now, NaBloPoMo, I shall look forward to your email telling me what I've won.)

The One Where I Wrote About a Tweet.

2010-11-29T18:21:00.000-08:00

I'm crossing the streams for tonight's post. I took to Twitter to find my blog inspiration.

MickeyDee

The next tweet that pops up will be the subject of my blog post for tonight.4 minutes ago via web

And this was the next tweet:

wrestlingkittie

I was just thinking that I am awesome, board games are fun, everyone poops, & cheese is the best! :) @MickeyDee3 minutes ago via txt
So here we go. Thanks WK for making it four subjects, I was trying to make this quick!
Wrestling Kitties is awesome. She is truly one of the funniest and most caring people I know. She goes out of her way to do kind things for people all of the time. She loves wrestling and may wind up being a crazy cat lady someday, but I still love her! Funny story: I remember her first day at work. Her office was a former closet. I had to help clean the papers and printer cartridges out of it before she started. And then I was told to keep it quiet. Our boss didn't want her to know that she was working in a closet. I think she figured it out in 2.2 seconds when she realized the door opened out and was barely wide enough to fit a desk. It also shared a wall with the bathroom, so she had to listen to people use the john and flush it all day. But she didn't complain about it, she just laughed. That's awesome.
Ooh, do I love me a good board game! I love it when the family gathers around for good healthy competition. But only when I win. Come to think of it, I haven't played a board game in a while, most games aren't boards anymore. I guess my favorite would have to be Sorry!.
Everyone Poops! Lordy, no one knows this better than me. I spend a lot time talking about poop. I guarantee that you could ask Wrestling Kitties, TwoPretzels, and Amber what is the first thing I do when I get home from work and they would know...
Cheese is the best! I survive on cheese. Cheese has seen a million faces, and rocked them all (except Stella's). It would be hard to choose my favorite kind - I love sharp cheddar, smoked gouda, havarti, asiago, cojack, gruyere, feta, and hard parmesan, to name a few.
This concludes our first installment of blogging other people's ideas. Who needs your prompts, NaBloPoMo? I've got 29 followers who can help!

And a partridge in a pear tree.

2010-11-28T18:14:00.000-08:00

Eight adults.

Four kids.

Two dogs.

One and a half bathrooms.

Four days.

One house.

Seven additional family members.

One Christmas celebration.

Two birthday celebrations.

One pedicure.

Two turkeys.

Ten pounds of potatoes.

Six bottles of wine.

One promotion celebration.

One family cornhole tournament.

Eight-hour drive. (screw you, Cincinnati!)

One large family photo.

A thousand laughs.

Hope your Thanksgiving was as enjoyable as mine!

Breakin a sweat.

2010-11-27T13:11:00.000-08:00

Shew! Nablopomofosho... you're really testing my endurance.

We're in the home stretch. I feel invigorated. I feel ALIVE! I'm gonna try and make these last three posts something epic.

How's everyone doing after this holiday stretch? Solidarity, my brotha and sistas. I'm here for you.

On bravery.

2010-11-26T11:00:00.000-08:00

I miss the days when my Mom and I would brave the crazies and head out to the shopping mall at 5 a.m. the day after Thanksgiving. We haven't done it in years, but I will always remember the years that we did. It's not that we loved fighting the crowds and dealing with hassles, it's that we loved to make memories and have traditions. And it just happened to be a tradition sprinkled with awesome ass deals.

Happy Shopping!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T12:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving, All!

Spending time with the family, laughing, eating great homemade food, laughing - this is what the holidays are all about. I feel warm.

It's Stella's first Thanksgiving. I hope she knows how thankful I am for her.

For smiles.

2010-11-24T12:24:00.000-08:00

Yeah, this happened. Purely by accident. Swearsies.

Photo circa 2005.

Photo credit: Wrestling Kitties.

Because I like you guys.

2010-11-23T18:47:00.000-08:00

I'm definitely not a cook. But I do consider myself to be a good appetizer/dip maker. Make what you love to eat - isn't that what they say? Well if they don't, they should.

Wanna dazzle your family at Thanksgiving? Make this. It's an appetizer. But it's the appetizer to end all appetizers.

Goat Cheese Torte

You'll need:

8 ounces cream cheese, softened

8 ounces goat cheese, softened

1/4 - 1/2 cup pesto - patted dry

1/4 - 1/2 cup chopped sundried tomatoes packed in oil - but "dry" them off as best as possible

1 - 2 cloves garlic, minced

....

Once softened, mix the cream cheese and goat cheese together. Stir in garlic. Line a medium sized bowl with saran wrap in both directions. Put one layer of cheese mixture on the bottom. Spread half of the pesto mixture on top. Add another layer of cheese mixture. Put layer of sundried tomatoes. Put cheese mixture on top. Spread remaining pesto and top with leftover cheese mixture. Put fresh basil leaves on top if you're feeling fancy. Serve with crackers. Water crackers are my fave.

I usually get too heavy-handed with the garlic. I just made this and my sinuses are now uber clear. On the plus side, the vampires will leave me be. For once.

---------------------------------

Also, try this for your next football party. Or for your next lunch.

French Onion Dip

1 block of cream cheese, softened

1 can condensed French onion soup, not the powder stuff

1 cup mozzarella cheese

....

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix cream cheese and soup. Add mozzarella cheese, but save some. Bake for 30 minutes. With about 10 minutes left, top with remaining cheese. Serve with bread pieces.

I don't even like onions, but I eat the ever-living crap out of this. It's phenomenal.

Enjoy!

11 months of cool.

2010-11-22T18:44:00.000-08:00

11? You must be crazy!

This one wasn't easy for me. With every minute that ticks by she's that much closer to ONE. And that's just not even possible. It's downright stupid. There's just no way time can go that quickly. I deserve an explanation for this.

Stella - 11 months

Loves: APPLES - good Lord does this kid love the apples!, black beans, chicken, sweet potatoes, regular potatoes, bread, strawberry-apple puffs, broccoli, Cheerios, pumpkin muffins, her measuring cups, ringing phones (she will put any item up to her ear and say "ohh?" as in "hello?" when she hears a phone ring, and if she doesn't have something nearby she'll just put her hand to her ear - it's brilliant!), walking into school in the morning and seeing all of her friends, nursing, sleeping, board books, being in the Baby Bjorn with Dad, raccoons in trashcans, Grandma Paula, pulling my hair and Nora.

Doesn't love: getting her diaper changed (that makes 3 of us, ugh), being put in her car seat, cheese as of late (she'll eat brussel sprouts but spits out cheese? who is this kid?), and ... that's about it. She loves life.

New in the last month: walks with a push toy, climbs steps, drinks from a sippy cup, says "uh oh", jumps up and down in crib, has two teeth!, points and shares.

Sigh.

You need to hold me. I won't be able to make it through these next four weeks without help. I'm too much of a sap.

I haz the sick.

2010-11-21T12:27:00.000-08:00

Feeling like dookie today. Doing my best to make sure the kiddo doesn't contract it. I've been washing my hands like a mad woman. Nose is raw, hands are raw. Blogging is taking a backseat to getting healthy. Check back tomorrow.

Music lessons.

2010-11-20T13:12:00.000-08:00

Last night Mike and I enjoyed an evening with The Coug. I've pretty much been a fan all my life. It's probably a little weird and probably not very hip. But it's music I remember listening to as a kid and it's always stuck with me. I like his grittiness, his real-life lyrics, his awareness that he has so much and his willingness to give back. I like him. We were definitely some of the youngest people there but it was a fun show.

He had this violinist who had some of the most cut arms I've ever seen. Lemme tell you something, this girl was a-ma-zing. I mean, she got to a point where she didn't even look human with her actions. She looked possessed and chaotic, but damn was it impressive.

It got me thinking. You know how when you're a kid and your parents force you to play an instrument but you think it's lame and then you're 32 and you wish you had stuck with it longer and could be better at it and then you have a kid and you realize that you're going to force them to play an instrument too so that when they're 32 they'll realize why you forced them? Yeah, me too.

I took piano lessons for about six years and I hated them. They were on Saturday mornings and screwed up my sleepover parties and really got in the way of my sacred Saved By The Bell time. Thank goodness for VCRs, ammi right? I was always so resentful of them. I hated practicing and lessons and recitals and having my old lady teacher cut my fingernails with her kitchen scissors because my nails were too long and would click on the keys. That hurt.

But then it would come Christmas time and I would play my repertoire of Christmas songs for my family and it would make them so happy. My grandparents and great aunts and uncles would beg me to play every year. And I was always petrified. That meant I would have to be the center of attention and show them that maybe I didn't practice as often as I should have. But they loved it! They ate it up. My great uncle would always give me money afterward to thank me. I still play those same songs every year. They're elementary level songs but my fingers know exactly what to do and I'm sorta proud that I at least know how to play some piano. My rendition of O Little Town of Bethlehem would bring tears to your eyes. It's my favorite to play.

Sometimes I'll bust out my old recital pieces - those are actually some really cool songs - and pretend like I'm a fifth grader again in my fancy velvet dress and patent leather shoes bowing before and after I've played. And inevitably my Dad will yell from the other room, "Play Harmonica Man for me!" So I do. It's his favorite. I figure it's the least I can do for always whining about having to go to lessons every week.

So, Stella: what do you want me to force you to take up? The piano or the violin? It's your choice, but YOU'RE DOING IT! You're welcome.

Little diddy...

2010-11-19T12:40:00.000-08:00

"... about Jack and Diane..."

Live. Tonight.

Don't laugh. I'm nostalgic.

Love my Indiana boys!

Sweet revenge.

2010-11-18T14:48:00.000-08:00

In October the whole D family gathered for the bust-your-gut Fall Festival in the 'ville. It's an annual fun family tradition complete with Pronto Pups, corn fritters, deep fried everything, sausage and cheese on a Donut Bank donut (my new fave!) and hundreds of other fat-laden, delicious food items.

Ever since we found out we were having a girl, my sister-in-law Kate and I have been excited for our girls to do things together. We're seeing to it that they become best friends.

So after a gorging at the Fall Festival in 90 degree heat, we decided to give our kids a bath.

Kate and I looked at each other. "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? Yes! A bath! Together! Cousins!" This is the kind of stuff friendships are built on.

So in they went.

I also got in (clothed). It's a big tub with a seat, plenty of room for three. Everyone gathered around with cameras to witness this monumental event.

Tess is a little more than 2 years old and Stella was a little over 9 months. So there's a sizable difference between them. We washed hair and played around a bit. Tess was rinsing her hair with a large cup, she dunked it under the water to fill it up and then... threw the entire cup of water directly in Stella's face.

Oh boy.

Stella was stunned. STUNNED. And then she lost it. Tears were everywhere. She couldn't believe that her best friend had done this to her.

So I picked her up and put her on my lap, trying to comfort her.

And then it happened.

She did the only thing she could do to retaliate.

She peed.

Stella peed on Tess.

Because she was sitting on my lap, the pee was able to take a nice, boy-like trajectory all over Tess, and my pants.

We roared. No one was expecting it. Least of all Tess.

Needless to say their bath time together was cut short.

So our first attempt at getting our kids to be besties didn't exactly go the way Kate and I had planned. But it's going to be so fun telling them that story someday when they are older and having a sleepover together.

Wordless Wednesday - Cousins.

2010-11-17T13:38:00.000-08:00

I'm not supposed to talk today, but remind me to tell you a funny story about these two.

Just eat it!

2010-11-16T18:27:00.000-08:00

Today for breakfast I had a donut. Today for lunch I had pizza. Today for dinner I had pizza.

Anyone looking for scientific evidence that you lose weight when you breastfeed, look no further. I'm your lab rat.

What a beautiful gift nature has given us. In so many, many ways.

Sometimes myself annoys myself.

2010-11-15T18:26:00.000-08:00

My cousin moved to India today. She quit her awesome job with a major company in Chicago to teach art at an all boys elementary school.

India.

While it's not a move that I would ever make, I'm jealous of her courage. If I have one regret in life it's that I've never moved out of this area. Lest you think I'm not grateful for what I have, don't get it twisted, I have a great life here. I know this. And I'm thankful for it everyday. I just wish that my 23-year-old self had packed it up and taken this show on the road when it had the chance.

Sometimes I let myself think about this too much. And Facebook doesn't help. I see all of these people from high school living all across the country and I wonder why I'm not one of them. I don't hate Northwest Ohio, I hate that I don't know anything else.

Woe is me, right? Someone slap me.

Haircuttery.

2010-11-14T18:53:00.000-08:00

How much is too much to pay for a haircut? My gal is rather pricey. I think she just became co-owner of the salon, which means I pay... too much.

I only get 4 haircuts a year, I wait 3-4 months in between because I refuse to pay $60 for a trim. A trim. Who's dropping dimes on trims? We ain't the Rockefellers. If I'm paying $60 for a haircut, then I'm getting my gosh-darn hairs cut. I can't stand paying that much and have people not be able to tell. Seems like such a waste. I'm paying $60 bucks for attention! No one wastes time on complimenting a trim.

Now granted, she does a decent job. And I'm pretty sure I would pay the $60 just to have my hair washed. They do a little head massage while they wash - it's yummy.

So tell me, am I being taken? Is it time to find a new person? Ugh, I'm so bad at breaking up with people.

Wie Gehts!

2010-11-13T19:06:00.000-08:00

We're back from our min-vacation to Little Bavaria. What a charming place! I was there once about 20 years ago but remembered very little. If you don't like cheese, salty meats, bakeries, fudge, pretzels, lederhosen, or Christmas, then this place isn't for you.

This trip made me realize that I don't take nearly enough photos. It's hard. I want to enjoy the moment so I take any pics, but then I get home and wish that I had taken more. I need to get famous so the paparazzi start following me capturing life's moments for me.

---

At the Frankenmuth Brewing Company. Did I mention this town also has lots of beer? You gotta love that about zee Germans.

Stella checking out the menu. While stuffing her face full of edamame.

Posing with a Bavarian pretzel. So delicious! And the mustard dip they serve with it? To die for.

You can't put anything in front of this kid without it going in her mouth. It's like she's taunting us in this pic. "What, I'm not supposed to drink this? I'm not drinking it, Mom, relax. I'm just putting my mouth on it. Look, I'm not even using my hands!"

"Now I'm using my hands."

Ok, this place was like the mother ship calling me home. A whole house full of cheese! Everywhere cheese! I think we got about 7 different kinds - salami and cheese cheese, maple syrup cheese, 12-year aged cheddar, just to name a few. They even have chocolate cheese. They really need to look into making this a chain.

Stella and the big guy at Bronner's, the world's largest Christmas store this side of the North Pole. It was just us and 25,000 of our closest friends.

"Hey Santa, wanna see my cups?"

We don't go anywhere without these measuring cups/spoons. Is it weird that her security blanket is plastic measuring cups? Hey whatever, dude.

Me and Stella in a rare photo together.

What a perfect little getaway weekend. Think we're gonna make this an annual family tradition.

Willkommen!

2010-11-12T17:12:00.001-08:00

On a family trip to Frankenmuth. Pics of cheese, babies and bier to come.

Prost!

I breastfeed therefore I am.

2010-11-11T18:46:00.000-08:00

When I got pregnant I knew that I wanted to breastfeed. The benefits were tremendous, the time together precious and the cost unbeatable. I read the books and went to the classes, I had a vague idea of what was supposed to go down. It seemed simple enough - I have boobs (arguably), the ultrasounds show that Stella has a mouth... boob, mouth... got it.

Cut to December 22, 11:05 p.m.: tears, happiness, smiles and complete awe were everywhere. From reading the books and talking with my doctor I knew that it's best to nurse the baby within the first hour after birth. They would be hungry and you can begin to establish your milk supply right away. So that's what we did. We got into position. I thought I was doing it right, but it obviously was something I had never done. It took, I don't know, a thousand years. That's a generous estimate.

A normal feeding for us used to take an hour plus. Luckily Stella ate every three hours. I didn't understand how some babies would eat every two hours. That would mean I would have about a half an hour in between feedings. I couldn't wrap my head around that math.

I was bewildered. I was sore. You know how marathon runners get bloody nipples from their shirt rubbing on them when they run for 24 hours or however long it takes to run a marathon? It's like that. My nipples weren't used to that much attention. I advised Turtle Parade that the best way to prepare herself for breastfeeding was to flick them all day. It's one thing the books didn't really mention. You can prepare your mind but you can't really prepare your nipples. And THANKFULLY I had it a heck of a lot better than some others that I know. Its definitely mind over matter in the beginning. And anyone who attempts it is my hero.

Our pediatrician told me that once we got the hang of it feedings would only take 10 minutes. I laughed in her face. "Quit yankin' my chain, Lady. Ten minutes? I call BS. Maybe for other kids, but my kid apparently enjoys hanging out watching an hour of The Cosby Show at 4 a.m., I doubt she's gonna give that up."

But danggoneit, she was right! Somewhere around the 4-5 month mark I started noticing that feedings were getting shorter and shorter. Now, at 10.5 months, we're in and out. I wake her up at 7:30, feed her, Mike changes her diaper and clothes and we're out the door by 7:45. We've got it down to a well-oiled, efficient, calculated science. It's a phenomenal thing. It's hard to believe that it ever took as long as it did.

Breastfeeding my Stella for the last 10.5 months (and still going!) is probably the thing I'm most proud of in my life. But I can definitely understand why people quit. There are plenty of outs, countless inconveniences and worries and fears. I'm thankful that we've been able to maintain this relationship for this long. These boobs are helping keep my baby alive. If there's something cooler than that in this world, I don't know what it is.

And I gotta give a major fistbump to my pumping homies. Pumping is a whole nother animal, and post. And to those who pump exclusively for any period of time: I bow to you. I couldn't do it.

Viva la boobs!

Wordless Wednesday. Have I mentioned that I don't like Wednesdays? Here's how I feel about them, as portrayed by Stella.

2010-11-10T18:48:00.001-08:00

Gillette model.

2010-11-09T13:33:00.000-08:00

Someone had some fun playing with shaving cream at school yesterday! The amount of hilarity in these photos is TOO DARN MUCH!

I love it that her school sends me photos on a weekly basis. It's so great to see what she's up to when I'm not around.

Coco nuts.

2010-11-08T17:16:00.000-08:00

I feel that late night television is one of the few funny things on tv today*. (Modern Family and How I Met Your Mom aside.) I appreciate good comedic timing and the art of telling jokes. I like things funny.

Over the summer there was quite the debacle between Conan O'Brien, NBC and that other guy. Conan was pushed out. He was royally effed over and someone probably punched his dog too. I don't care what Leno would have you believe, he worked a deal to get the Tonight Show back. It may not have happened the way he thought it would, but he reneged on his retirement and kicked Conan right between the legs. If I didn't already dislike Leno, this would have done it.

But tonight Conan returns. You gonna watch? I'm with Coco. For tonight anyway. I'm still all Dave, all the way.

*This obviously does not include Jay Leno. I said funny.

Too busy for a subject.

2010-11-07T17:51:00.001-08:00

Sunday nights are always stupidly busy. I can complete 81 tasks throughout the day but it never fails that 23 more things have to be done before I can relax. Surely reorganizing the sock drawer could have waited, but in my mind it had to be done NOW. Remember when Sundays were the day to relax and do nothing? Biblical times must have been nice.

Clockwatching.

2010-11-06T17:59:00.000-07:00

Remember: the clocks go back an hour tonight. You don't want to be that person who shows up early - or is late? - to your Sunday brunch.

I can't remember, is this when the college students riot or is it when we spring forward? Did your college ever riot over clocks? Mine did.

I'm curious to see if the horror stories are true about babies and daylight saving time. I guess the happiest babies (and parents) live in the parts of Indiana and Arizona, where daylight savings doesn't exist.

I heard that if you have an iPhone you'll have to manually change the time on it... I beg your pardon?.... you can turn off my oven and knit me a damn sweater but you can't automatically adjust to the time change? Shew.

Happy extra hour, (although is it really an extra hour if we've already lost an hour this year? I think we're just evening out) y'all!

Phoning it in.

2010-11-05T19:03:00.000-07:00

I called on NaBloPoMo for inspiration today. I like this question, it's not one that people usually ask.

If your house was on fire, what five things would you be glad to see go up in flames?

5. Mike's brown shoes. All I can is, sigh.

4. Our bedroom curtains. They're forest green and nothing else in the room is. Plus there's this odd rosette thing covering up a half moon shaped window. They haven't made anything like it since 1997. But taking it down would mean letting light into the room. I'm like that Edward Cullen dude when it comes to light in the bedroom. Can't have it. Not even a tiny sliver. So I suffer in silence.

3. The clothes in my closet. Save for my jeans and shoes. If my clothes burned I'd take the insurance money and go on a major spree. Some things in there are due for an update. Like the work pants I've had for 10 years. I'm actually considered wearing my maternity pants in their place. They were a lot more modern looking.

2. Our kitchen counters. They are cheap black laminate or painted black cardboard, I'm not sure. They show every single crumb and piece of dust. But on the plus side it's easy to see where I've spilled chicken juice, so it's got that going for it.

And now for the #1 thing that can BURN...

1. Our kitchen floor. I HATE THIS FLOOR. Hate it dead. It's pure white and shows dirt like a mofo. It's impossible to keep clean. And I hate cleaning it because my efforts are usually wasted 45 seconds later when someone accidentally breathes on it. I've implemented a no shoe policy because of this floor, otherwise it would have to be mopped twice a day. I tell people they have a choice: they can either take their shoes off or they can mop my floor. Most people abide by the rules but there are a few violaters that I've had to prosecute. I've considered asking our family members for their shoe size so I can get them their own slippers to wear when they come over. I'm a thoughtful kind of crazy.

(I kinda feel like this post made me sound like a loon. I guess I'm letting my freak flag fly this month.)

Anything in your house that you'd be happy to roast marshmallows to?

I didn't totally hate it this year.

2010-11-04T17:33:00.000-07:00

Now that Stella stands and grabs things and eats them we've had to make sure things are safely out of her reach. In doing that, I've been misplacing a lot of things.

I'll just put my keys in the corner of the guest room closet behind that suitcase, on top of Nora's cage and next to the red pair of shoes. She'll never be able to find them there.

Without fail, the following conversation will occur 30 minutes later: "Miiike, have you seen my keys? I just saw them! Where the hell could they have gone? I JUST FREAKING HAD THEM!"

Nothing sends me into more of a frenzy than losing something. I get mean and sweaty and shouty. It's really quite unpleasant.

Basically this is why I haven't posted any Halloween photos yet. The camera/computer cord has gone missing. I know I just saw it. Thankfully Mike knows my habits and brought me this other photo thingy and now I'm able to share them with you.

So enough talky talky, here are photos from Stella's first Halloween.

This isn't Stella. It's Robert Downey Jr. Oh, no, wait... it's her Dad.

Stella in costume #1. Ridiculously cute she was.

Mucho excited about being Yoda! Please note the light saber on the right.

I like this one because it's a good shot of the ears. Hee hee!

Costume #2 - a hot dog! I love hot dogs more than life. So when I saw this gem of a costume for $5 I had to have it. She liked it more than it appears, she had just woken up. With our cowboy friend.

To go along with my little hot dog, I dressed up as a slutty mustard bottle, but I must have missplaced those photos. Darn.

I found that I was a little more into Halloween this year than I ever have been. It was a really fun day hanging out with family and having a little Fall Fest party and then later hanging out with friends laughing and eating pizza. I still am very leary about passing out candy to kids wearing masks or dressed as clowns. But I enjoyed decorating the house and thinking of costumes and starting new traditions with Stella. I'm softening.

Kind of a big deal.

2010-11-03T13:46:00.000-07:00

My husband had a great day yesterday. He earned a big promotion at work. BIG. All of those long nights, weekends, early morning meetings, last-minute European trips, headaches, extracurricular work activities, dinners that we ate together as a family in his office and years of schooling and test taking finally paid off for him.

He came home last night with a smile on his face so big that it brought tears to my eyes. He looked truly happy. It was amazing.

So I just wanted to take this opportunity to say that I'm incredibly proud of him. And I appreciate all he has done to provide a nice life for our family. And that I wish he could find better places to celebrate than Red Lobster.

Day 2.

2010-11-02T13:43:00.000-07:00

Wow. This isn't easy. I thought it would be, but I'm completely drawing blanks. I'm pretty sure I've psyched myself out already. I say, "Ok, Self, write something witty and worth reading..." and then my mind freezes as if I've eaten ice cream too fast. Gah!

If I still wrote for my college newspaper, this would be the point where I would grab a wine cooler to get myself loose and my thoughts flowing freely. But I'm passed that point in life. Plus, wine coolers are laughable forms of alcohol.

So today's post will be a collection of thoughts that pop into my head. There will be no rhyme or reason to them. Pure stream of consciousness. You ready?

"I thought Stella was getting teeth. I thought I saw the top of tooth, but perhaps it was food? Nothing has popped through yet. I wonder why?"

"My "friends" on Facebook really need to stop telling everyone to vote. Really person-I-went-to-junior-high-with, I should vote? Gee, thanks for the heads up. I only listen to P Diddy when it comes to voting."

"I have to use the restroom. Must mean it's close to quitting time."

"I really hate the restrooms here at work. I'll wait until I get home."

"Did I use correct punctuation so far in this post? Probably not."

"I have weird fingers. I don't like my hands, they're not very feminine. And they're dry and cracking and they hurt. Sorry, digits, it's gonna be a long winter."

"Where should we have dinner tonight? It was kind of a big day in the D house. Hopefully not Red Lobster."

"Who is to blame for the giant container of leftover Halloween candy sitting on our work cabinet? Imma kick them in the shins. Do they know how many Kit-Kats they've forced me to eat today?"

"My head itches."

"Co-worker just said that I'm known for one-liners and that I'm funny. That made my day. "

"It's time to go. Here I come Stella!"

I signed up.

2010-11-01T08:32:00.000-07:00

Do as the "T" says. I am.

I love that this NaBloPoMo month exists. I need motivation for things like this. It's like exercising. If left to my own devices, I'll never do it. But if I sign up for a class, I'm all in. And I usually sign up for a class once a year. Seeing as how there's only one or two months left in this year and I haven't taken any exercise classes yet (damn kid!), this will have to suffice. We'll call it my writing exercise.

And today it commences.

Look out, suckas! I hear there's free stuff on the line if I complete this. Ain't nobody or no thing gettin' in the way of me and free stuff.

(Look at that! I've already completed my task for the day. This is easy! Pimpin' ain't. But this is. And I may even have another up my sleeve.)

Stella: months 8 - 9.

2010-10-15T18:11:00.000-07:00

Who? Us?

This banana didn't stand a chance. It's possible some of it went in her mouth.

Would you look at those sweet hands. Edible.

This is photography GOLD. This is the kind of shot Olan Mills can't provide.

Trying to get her dressed is like wrasslin' alligators. We've had to consult the WWE. Here she saw her pajamas and was making a break for it.

Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?

Quintessential Stella. THIS is my baby. This photo describes her better than any words ever could. (9-months)

We have entire discussions via back-and-forth raspberry blowin'. We've solved many of the world's problems this way. You don't even know.

I've been looking forward to taking a photo like this since the day I found out I was pregnant. My favorite time of year + my favorite baby = pure happiness.

Anyone want to save a dying blog?

2010-09-14T19:03:00.000-07:00

I've emailed Sally Struthers to get some advice on how to save dying things. I'll bet she could tell me how to go about getting people to send me money so that I can continue the life of this blog. For just $5 a day you can help make a difference. I will send you monthly photos of me sitting at my computer blogging away. Personal checks will be accepted.

Gah. I just need a swift kick to the pants to jumpstart my motivation. I wish I could tell you all just how much I want to blog. I'm stuck. I'm stifled. I'm scared. Hold me.

Won't you help?

Wanna see some cute pictures of my kid?

2010-07-22T18:56:00.000-07:00

Watching the World Cup with Dad. She's a patriotic gal.

Getting ready to eat food for the first time. Avocado was on the menu that day. Look how excited she is to get it in her belly! I had to put it out of her reach so I could take the photo.

The best meals are the ones that end up all over your face. Avocado FTW! She told me it was the best thing since sliced bread. Which is weird because we haven't gotten to bread yet.

Rolled herself into a burrito. Before I could help her out I had to take some photos, like any good parent would do.

Seven months old today! This means she is now officially closer to 1 than 0. Whoa. Slow down, kid!

Loving life as a seven month old!

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

2010-06-21T11:28:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was my first weekend away from my Stella.

We were in California for Mike's great aunt's 80th surprise birthday party. I have heard a lot about this aunt and how terrific she is and Mike really wanted me to meet her. And being that she's 80, the chances of her flying here are slim to never happening. So we went.

The day before we left and the day that we did leave, I had that butterfly in the stomach feeling. But not in a good way. In a "I may hurl at any moment" and "who keeps punching me in the gut?" kind of way. I was sad. I didn't want to leave her, but since we were only going to be there for one full day, it just didn't seem worth it to take her and all of Babies 'R Us with us. Plus she didn't have $80 to check her luggage, so she stayed home with Grandma.

There were lists and friendly little (and not at all annoying) post-it notes left all over the house... here's how you feed her, this is what you push to turn on the dishwasher, this is where we keep her crib, this is how you breathe and blink. But don't blink because then you won't be keeping your eye on my daughter! And no parties! ... From what I can tell the rules were followed but maybe that's because my Mom is a good cleaner-upper? Who knows. The nanny cam I installed will reveal all.

We walked through the airport and even though I was carrying my luggage, my arms felt light. Something was definitely missing. It's not often that I walk around the house without a baby in my left arm. It's how we do things. She loves to be held and carried and I love having a really buff left arm. And so walking through the airport and having my left arm swing back and forth felt wrong.

I probably called home half a dozen times before we even got on the plane. I missed her every second and I just wanted to see how the first few hours were going. Plus I wanted to hear her little voice in the background. I heard laughing ... Can you believe she was laughing? Without me! Like my Mom is as funny as I am. Whatever, Stella.

No really, hearing her laugh made me feel a hundred times better. She was in a good place and was being well taken care of. It was a huge relief. I needed to hear it. And I needed the 3 alcoholic beverages I had in the airport. In the airport. I had a couple more on the plane, but Part II of this story will explain that further.

So we boarded the plane and headed out to Los Angeles. Our baby at home. Laughing. Me on an airplane. Slowly unclenching.
...

(Part II to come - How to Fly like a Baller)

Aunt Michelle x 9.

2010-04-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

My BFF is having a baby soon! Like, 3 days! I'm so beyond excited! And if you know her, or if you've read her blog, you know what a major deal this is for her. She was destined for this job and I could not be more thrilled to see it all come to be.

It's hard for me not to tell her everything about my experiences because I want her to have her own and not worry about what anyone else did. If there's anything that I've learned from having a baby is that everyone (read: EVERYONE) has their own unique experience. No matter what, her delivery will be different from my delivery, her baby will be different from my baby and the way she handles both will be different from the way I handled them. It will be equally as awesome, but different. And I can't think of anything cooler.

I can't wait to meet her little person. I have a thousand stories I will share with him/her (even though I totally think it's a girl!) and the first one will be about how the two of us became friends 25 years ago and how our kids will have no choice but to be friends for life too. So deal with it!

Best wishes Turtle Parade! I will be thinking of you every second! Much love!

Change is good. And it's coming.

2010-03-22T09:51:00.001-07:00

I really wish I could explain to you all just how much I wish I could throw myself back into blogging. I want to do it! I need to do it! I feel my connection weaning and I don't like it one bit. I could comment on your blogs all day long, but I feel that's not fair. This is a two-sided relationship. I can't live my life knowing that I expect more from you than I'm willing to give. We all know how those relationships work out.

I think what I need to start with is a new template. I chose from the Plain and Boring catalog when I initially chose this. I thought I was going for simple but I think I ended up with the equivalent of an unsalted, unbuttered rice cake. There's no motivation to visit this blog. And there's no motivation to write on it.

So, I need a change. That "design your own blog" thing that Two Pretzels blogged about a while back is just the thing I need. I'm going to monkey around with that to see what it's all about and see if I'm smart enough to figure it out. I'm eager to see what's out there for poseurs like me.

For funsies, and because I'm committed to this two-way relationship, let's do this: in the comment section, tell me what you would like my first post on my new blog to be about. I'd like to know what the people want because then I can be sure that you'll come back to visit me. I'll choose one winner and just write about it with no prior announcement as to which one I've chosen. Sound like fun? It does to me!

Lord of the Rings.

2010-02-12T12:53:00.000-08:00

Well slap my knee and call me Picabo! It's Olympics time again! (Cue fantastical Olympic song here!)

I am all too thrilled to be on maternity leave during the Olympics. You can bet your wallet that I will be firmly planted in front of the tv watching as much of the coverage as they want to show me. Curling at 4 a.m.? Yes, please! Synchronized skiing at 2 p.m.? Hell yeah!

I've always been a fan of the Olympics. I love the competition. I love cheering for my country. I love hearing athletes' stories via Bob Costas and his heartwrenching journalism. These athletes have trained their entire lives for these moments. Families pick up their whole lives to move half way across the country and eat peanut butter and jelly for dinner just so these kids can be at the ice rink everyday at four in the morning with the hopes of maybe one day making it to the Olympics. There is so much riding on them to succeed. And sometimes it comes down to two minutes of competition. And one small flub and it's all over. Ugh, so emotional! It's intense and I just love it! (So sad about that Georgian luger. Wow. How tragic.)

I know some people have a preference as to which Games they prefer - the winter or the summer. But for me that'd be like choosing my favorite child. Can't be done. I have love for both equally. (Yeah, I know I only got one kid right now, but someday I may have to choose between more than one and at that time I wouldn't be able to do it.)

Opening ceremonies are tonight and the fun won't stop for the next two weeks. Hooray! Lemme know if you want to come hang out and experience them with me. Bring nachos.

P.S. How awesome does Vancouver look? I could live there.

P.P.S. Let's share. Tell me your favorite winter Olympic sport. Mine would have to be ice skating or downhill skiing. I took an ice skating class in college, so I know how difficult it is to do what they're doing. And believe you me, I was of Olympic caliber. And I just love how fast the downhill skiers go, it's flabbergasting.

P.P.S. I hope no one is upset with me for not talking about the real Lord of the Rings. I'm afraid you've come to the wrong Hobbit house if you're looking for conversation on that.

Have they decided whether or not to include a DISLIKE option?

2010-02-10T08:41:00.000-08:00

I've spent a decent amount of time looking at Facebook since I've been on maternity leave. It's my way of keeping in touch with people while being couped up in the house - thank you 10 inches of snow and recalled Toyota! And I've come to a conclusion. It's probably not going to be a popular conclusion and there's a good chance that I'm far more angry about it than I should be, but, I do not like it when people have their children's photo as their profile pic*.

DISLIKE!

"Oh, but my kid is so cute and funny! Look at him with food on his face and a funny hat on!" While this may be a true statement, the fact remains THAT AIN'T YOU! It's your kid. He can post that pic on his own page! Why not post a photo of your goofy, drunk uncle dressed in drag at Halloween if you're not going to post a photo of yourself? It's just as funny and equally ambiguous.

Now, I have no problem if you want to post a photo of you with your kid. That's completely acceptable because you are actually in the photo. I'm friends with YOU, so let me see YOU. How else do you expect me to judge how much you've changed over the years?

Trust me, I'll be snooping around your photos plenty to look at the ones of your kids. As well as your vacations and your Holiday celebrations, and I promise to take special note of the ones where your kids are wearing funny hats with food on their faces. I may even leave a comment on how cute I think they are.

But I'm taking the stance that your profile pic should be of you. I may even try to start a "Become a Fan of having your own photo on your profile" page for it.

Please note that I love my kid and I feel that she should be highlighted doing funny things and I fully intend to take photos of her wearing silly things and looking messy, but you will have to be my friend and click on the "Stella" photo album to see them. You gotta do some legwork to see the cuteness! I think this is fair. I don't want to give away the goods for free.

*Also applies to pets. Again, not you.

Four Tuesdays.

2010-01-19T18:49:00.000-08:00

Stella J. is one month old today! Huh? How? So far, life with her is there-isn't-a-word-to-describe-it-well-enough. WE.LOVE.HER.

So far her likes include: sleeping, eating and pooping. Her dislikes include: not sleeping, not eating and not pooping and Jay Leno. She's growing and filling out quite well. We go to the pediatrician this week, I'm curious to see how she's changed.

You could set your watch to her, she eats every 3 hours to the minute. It's awesome and works out quite well for me to get things done (i.e. nap).

To commemorate her first month of life, we had a photo shoot. Here are 3 of the 300 that I took:

Look at those CHEEKS!

Get me two pieces of bread and some mustard, I'm going to eat this kid!

This photo = epitomy of cuteness!

LOVE!

And the winners are...

2009-12-27T16:49:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to Trophy Life, AthenaBee and Dri for correctly guessing the birth day of my baby! Your copies of the birth video are on their way to your homes. Enjoy!

And a very honorable mention goes out to Tiny for correctly guessing the first name! How you did that I do not know. I'll admit that it freaked me out a little :) It was really hard not to email you and tell you that you were right. Excellent guess!

But, no one goes home a loser in this game. Just take a look at the photo in the previous post, consider that your partying gift. (Is it partying gift or parting gift? I've never known which is correct.)

Thanks for playing, all!

Look what we made!

2009-12-26T15:39:00.000-08:00

World: meet Stella Jane...

Born: December 22, 2009 @ 11:05 p.m.

Weight: 6 pounds, 6 ounces

Length: 19 3/4 inches

We named her Stella not necessarily after my great Aunt, but because of her. It was a name that we both liked and it just happens that I had a loved one with the same name. My Aunt Stella always called me "doll" and had an enviable costume jewelry collection. She liked the fancier things in life and had a great laugh. She never married or had any children.

The name Jane is after Mike's Godmother who was also the nurse of the doctor who delivered him and his 3 older siblings. His Mom befriended her after seeing the same doctor all those years. Coincidentally, she never married or had children either. (I hope we're not sealing this sweet little girl's fate.) We think it's pretty cool that we're honoring them both in this way.

We chose this name way back in July, the same weekend that we found out we were having a girl and we've never waivered on it. Not once. It's perfect. She's perfect. I can't believe I kept it secret for so long!

We are completely in love with this little girl. It's makes me cry to think about what an honor it is to be her Mom and what a special gift she has been to us already.

Look at her! Sigh. I think we'll keep her.

If you hate going to the mall at Christmas.

2009-12-14T10:57:00.000-08:00

Try Etsy!

For the last two years, Turtle Parade and I have bought each other Christmas gifts via Etsy. We set it up like this: we each search around the Etsy site for things that we like. And we save them to our favorites. Then we tell the other when it's time to go shopping. The other person goes into their account and purchases one (or multiple) of the other's saved favorites.

Of course there is a certain amount of secrecy and trust involved with this. If I were the type that liked to ruin my Christmas, I could easily go into my account and see what has been purchased. But I'm not. I prefer to wait until Christmas Day to open my gifts. Or at least wait until the day that she and I agree to exchange gifts.

It's really quite fun. I like that we are purchasing handmade items. I like that they are unique gifts. I like that I'm not buying her a gift card. I like that I'm not buying her a sweater that she already has 18 of. The best part is is that I know she will like it - she picked it out! But she doesn't know what I've chosen, so there's still an element of surprise involved. It's totally fun.

Perspective.

2009-12-10T10:57:00.000-08:00

The following photo is not for those who are easily scared:

Yes, this is my actual belly. Looking upward.

Are you as entertained by this photo as I am? It cracks me up! I can't believe how different of a perspective it is down there.

It's the final countdown.

2009-12-10T06:10:00.000-08:00

Hold up both of your hands.

Fingers stretched out.

That's how many days we have left... 10.

TEN!

(theoretically.)

I'm still feeling good. Just large. But not so much in charge.

My calisthenics involve getting out of bed or off the couch. Three or four good grunts and an "ouch" and I'm up! From the main floor of our house you either have to go up or down steps to get to a bathroom, so my calf muscles are in really good shape right about now.

I'd say this poster accurately describes how I'm feeling with 10 fingers left to go: Pick an emotion, any emotion, and I'm feeling it. I've gone through this entire poster of faces over the last couple of weeks.

But, like boyscouts, I think we are prepared. We've got bags packed, Christmas presents wrapped, tree erected, a clean house, a finished nursery, books read, doctor's phone numbers on speed dial, all major baby "stuff" put together, car seat bases installed, basic knowledge of what to expect, video camera, regular camera, underwater camera, everything that will ever touch the baby has been washed, a dog sitter has been lined up, we've notified the authorities, stopped our mail, and told all interested parties that under no circumstances is there to be a wooden stork placed in our front yard.

Let me know if there's something I'm forgetting.

Bring on the baby!

I'm guessing they didn't move on to the parlor for tea and crumpets following this meeting.

2009-12-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

Well Lady Gaga, if that is your real name, I would have chosen to wear something a bit less pleathery to meet the Queen of England. And maybe a trowel less blood-red eye make-up too.

You've confused her. You call yourself a Lady? I mean, you're not even wearing gloves for Heaven's sake! Your hands are not folded respectfully like the gentlemen to your left. And she's probably thinking she'll see a semblance of you in her nightmares. Why, you're no Lady at auwl!

No, Queen Elizabeth, I don't think she crashed your party. If she did, she is about a week too late with that trick. People have already been there, done that, got the restraining order. Someone must have wanted to frighten you and really test your manners. I hope the Lady with the blood-red eyes and pouffy sleeves and gloveless hands doesn't haunt you tonight. But if you get a second, listen to her "Poker face" song. It's frustratingly catchy, and it's a real foot tapper.
...
In what universe did the tween meet? I mean really, this photo is quite the juxtaposition.

It's December.

2009-12-01T07:41:00.001-08:00

This month changes everything. It is the month that I shall give birth to a baby girl. It is the defining month for us to say that we became parents. Forever. Somehow November 2009 already seems like a lifetime ago. It was the last month of my life I can say that I didn't have a child. And come January we won't know life without her. My mind = blown. Again.

I have decided that even after I'm done being pregnant that I will probably wear a basketball under my shirt to give off the illusion that I am pregnant. People have been so kind and friendly when they see that I've got a burgeoning belly and I hate to give that up. Strangers haven't tried to touch me or tell me inappropriate stories, they just smile at me and have sometimes told me a cute story about themselves - which has been (surprisingly) fun to hear. I've bonded with Moms at Babies R Us and we met a great couple at our birthing classes who we're fairly certain is leading our same life. Their due date is the day before mine, she and I have worn the same shirts to class twice, and we found out that we have the same doctor. I just have a gut feeling that we're destined to know them forever. Like we will end up having our babies at the same time on the same day and they'll either be best friends or end up married or something like that. Wouldn't that be something?

Overall, being pregnant has been a fantastic experience for me. I consider myself very lucky to have made it through these last 37.5 weeks with very little to complain about. In fact, I'd say I've had NOTHING to complain about. I can live with the 4 trips to the bathroom I've been making throughout the night. Part of me is sad that soon it will all be over.

But now we just have to sit and wait (Yeah, right, sit and wait...I've been nesting my butt off. Onesies don't wash themselves!) for this baby to decide when she wants us to meet her. Wow, I can't believe it's her month already!

More deep thoughts.

2009-11-16T08:34:00.001-08:00

Every once in a while it really hits me that there is an actual human being in my stomach. Right this very second! IN MY STOMACH*! Like, here's me just walking around getting files from the filing cabinet carrying another person along with me like it's no big deal. "Oh, just excuse me and this person within my belly, we've got business to conduct. I know you can't see her but I can feel her, she's inside me kicking around and LIVING!"

My mind is blown. Thinking about anything else will cease for the rest of the day.

* I know the baby is not technically 'in my stomach'. I have a better grasp on anatomy than that. But my stomach is the area that is protruding the most. I suppose I could say the baby is in my thighs or my behind because they are protruding as well, but that is even less accurate. So, the baby is in my stomach for the sake of this story, mmmkay?

Class #3 Highlights.

2009-11-13T07:30:00.001-08:00

You know how these things go, the beginning and the ending are always fun and the middle is usually so-so. That's where we are at this point. But this class was not without its highlights:

It was tour the hospital night. In this particular hospital, everything is done in one room. So we didn't get to see a big nursery full of newborns, but we were able to see that there is an Arby's right across the street from the hospital. So that was good to know. (I hope I don't get the room with that view. I feel that giving birth by the red glow of the Arby's sign might take away from the moment a bit.)
While on the tour, the teacher asked if anyone was born in this hospital. Turns out, I was. She asked what month I was born. I told her June. She asked what year I was born. I told her that I didn't see how that was any of her business. (I really did. She laughed and told me that no one has ever given her that response. Hee hee.) They had all of these books dating back to the 1950's or so that had baby's names listed in the year and month they were born... if their parents paid $1 to have their kid's name placed in it. I guess my parents weren't giving the hospital one more dollar because my name wasn't there. So I told the whole class how old I was for nothing. Aaaand, I'm pretty sure I'm the oldest one in the class. Mike said there were audible gasps when I revealed the year I was born. The only other normal couple in the class that we really like told me later that they were sure I was born in the 80's. Ha!
The couple who got into a fight last week actually showed up this week. And not only that, but a gigantic hickey on the girl's neck showed up as well! I'm guessing that means they made up. And to show what a stand-up guy he is, he wore his best marijuana leaf t-shirt. They're cute.
I'm pretty sure Mike's favorite parts of the night were all of the lunging that our 65-year-old, 4-foot-nuthin' teacher was doing to demonstrate the best positions for labor. She was slinging her foot up on chairs and lunging in the hallway all night.
While in the room on the tour, the teacher told us that a lot of people find sitting on the toilet comfortable during labor because it's a good sitting position. But then when you're a certain amount dilated it's time to move elsewhere because you don't want to give birth while on the toilet and have your baby fall in. Ha! Which led many to recall a certain show titled, "I didn't know I was pregnant" in which a woman claimed to have given birth while going to the bathroom. I didn't see the show, but I did see Joel McHale's spoof on it on "The Soup" in which he reminded pregnant women to "check their poop for children", which I found hilarious! Is that show for real? I don't think I can bring myself to watch it.

I think that was about it for this week. Next week we will be discussing what you do when the baby is actually here. This is the info I've been waiting for. I'm pretty sure I knew that labor/contractions would hurt, but I'm not entirely sure how to swaddle a baby or how I go about not breaking her. I'll be taking copious notes.

33 weeks and Class #2

2009-11-05T08:54:00.001-08:00

Here's me at 33 weeks. I took this photo because 1) I wanted to document my 33rd week of pregnancy 2) I had just gotten my haircut and wanted to show off the cute way she styled it and 3) I wanted to show off our messy bathroom.

Looks like I better devote my serious Nesting tendencies to the bathroom next.

So, 33 weeks. Feelin' good. It's pretty crazy to be lying on the couch with a t-shirt, sweatshirt and blanket on and notice the blanket move when she kicks! Someone's got some powerful legs/arms/elbows/knees/head/behind in there.

Lately I've been super thirsty. I even drank two glasses of milk this morning - that never happens. And I have the co-worker who brought in donuts to thank for that. See, donuts are a good thing, they promote milk drinking! I see a definite co-marketing campaign there.

The nursery is 98% complete! And is 100% cute! (Aside from the rocker recliner we got from La-Z-boy. Who it turns out, is actually lazy and is completely devoid of customer service skills. Don't get either one of us started on the experience we've had dealing with them. It ain't pretty. I expected better.) But I shall try and take some photos of that. It's probably my favorite room in the house. I just sit in there and stare at things and contemplate how different life will be in 45 days, give or take.

Holy moly.

...
Last night was Childbirth class #2.

There was a lot of talk about contractions. I'm still not convinced that I'll know what a contraction is. (I'm sure there's lots of moms out there chuckling at me right now.) But I have yet to understand how they will feel and I wonder if I've experienced any at this point? The teacher said that everything will get hard, I may have felt that, but with the rock-hard abs I had already, who's to say? (Now I'm chuckling.)

You know what's amazing to me? The irony of the miraculous and beautiful experience of having child coupled with some of the nastiest bodily functions one can produce. I don't like to think of it like that, but we saw some disturbing videos last night and I can't not think about it. I hope that goes away.

Aside from all of that, there was some serious drama with a couple in the class. A couple who, last week, was all schmoopie schmoopie with each other got into a big 'ole fight this week. I didn't hear what went down, but it started when she moved her seat away from his. Then they didn't get up and do the "labor dance" that we were taught. Then she left the room and he didn't follow. After a while, he got up and left and the teacher wondered if she was ok, and that maybe she was in labor in the bathroom. (She's old and sweet.) A few minutes went by and we heard her crying and screaming at this guy in the hallway. Couldn't really make out what she was saying but it didn't sound good. He came back in, got their pillow and blanket, and did not return. Eeks. Wonder if they'll be back next week?

So that was class #2 - contractions, bodily fluids, and drama. Oh, and more chirping birds. Next week we take a field trip through the hospital.

In the news.

2009-11-05T05:58:00.001-08:00

This story makes me physically ill.

If I were this animal's attorney, I'm pretty sure I would be working a lot less harder than usual.

Class #1.

2009-10-29T06:21:00.000-07:00

Childbirth Class #1 - For the most part this first night was introductory - here's what's going on, here's how your baby is growing, here are signs to watch out for, etc. - but it was fun for me to realize how REAL this all is now. I'm not learning this stuff to take a test, I'm learning it because we will be doing it! Like, soon. Surreal moment for me.

I would guess there were about 20 people there. All with different due dates so it was hard to compare my belly against theirs. The teacher has been doing this for 39 years and has had 5 children, so I guess she's legit. There was a powerpoint presentation and some short videos and handouts and free swag. The usual. The best part of it was probably the massaging. We were taught how to massage while in labor and the teacher expressed how important touch can be to soothe a woman in labor. Awesome. I hope that's true. I hope I'm not like people on tv (tv reference once again) who are screaming at their spouse and saying mean things. That doesn't sound pleasant. I don't want to be unpleasant.

Perhaps the funniest part of the whole night, which my retelling of the story won't be as remotely funny as it was at the time, but I'll share anyway...

We had to wear name tags - these were pre-written name tags, and I'm guessing that they were written by the teacher. Very legibly-written name tags too. So she went around the room and asked each person to say one word that they associate with childbirth. We were sitting in the back row. As she gets to my husband, Mike, she says, "Adam, what's a word you associate with childbirth?" We looked at each other and snickered. What do you mean, Adam? His name tag quite clearly says MIKE, and YOU WROTE IT! But the moment I LOST IT was when she asked the woman seated on the other side of me (also in the back row), Jacquese, to name a word she associates with childbirth. Jacquese! Are you kidding? You could read and pronounce Jacquese, but you mistook Mike for Adam? I couldn't contain myself, I was laughing and crying hysterically and Mike/Adam was laughing which only made me laugh harder. I could not stop. I had to leave the room. And this was in the first 5 minutes. I thought we were going to be asked to leave. But I eventually pulled it together.

Trust me, it was funny.

So you know how every class like this has "That Guy" or "That Girl" who annoyingly asks ridiculous questions? Well, we didn't have one of those. Thankfully. But what we did have, was the resident douchebag. We had this guy: At the beginning when she was asking for word associations, this guy says "pain", and proceeds to tell us how he has a much higher pain tolerance than his wife/girlfriend and how he would be better at childbirth than she will be. Yeah, he said that. I was all, "What am I doing sitting here next to Mike/Adam when I coulda had that guy?" Darn my luck!

It gets worse.

As we moved on to the massage portion of the class, the teacher, who was quite lovely despite her inability to correctly read a name tag, was talking about how important it is for the man to be a good partner and do their best to make the woman feel comfortable and relaxed during childbirth, to which this guy says, "Why, so the woman can turn around and screw us in the end?" It was special. This guy is a prize. I look forward to hearing what other kind things he has to say about the miracle of childbirth and his love for his woman.

But all in all, it was an enjoyable two hours. I appreciate the knowledge drop. And I enjoyed the time with my husband, Adam, learning about our baby.

Chapter 1 - "When a Mommy and Daddy love each other"...

2009-10-28T11:23:00.000-07:00

Tonight is our first Childbirth class! It is the first of 5 classes - once a week for the next five weeks. I'm oddly excited about it. I'm interested to see if it's how it's always depicted on tv and the movies, because that's my frame of reference for most things in life. Like, "I wonder if riding in a gondola in Venice is as romantic as they make it look in the movies?" . . . As it turns out, riding in a gondola with your husband could be romantic IF your parents aren't also riding in it with you. The times I've seen it on tv, never has anyone's parents been along for the ride. Oh well, it was a wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime experience nonetheless. And had my parents not been on that gondola, we wouldn't have been either. So it's all a matter of perspective. (Which reminds me, I have yet to post our Italy photos. Oops.)

Anyhoodle, we are supposed to take a pillow and blanket. I'm encouraged by this. Maybe Mike will have to do all the work and they want all the exhausted Moms to find a nice cot and take a nap for two hours? How relaxing! Oh but then they want me (us?) to wear athletic clothing as there is some sort of exercise element to this, so maybe not. Hopefully they mean exercise in the form of walking, because at this point, any sort of bending, stretching, or lifting of any body part is pretty much a no-go.

I'm also interested to see the other parents-to-be. What will they be like? Will they be younger than us? Older than us? Will the ladies tummies be bigger than mine? Smaller than mine? Will we even talk to anyone else in the class? To their faces, I mean. What's the teacher's story? Will she be old? Young? Will she have kids? If not, why should I listen to her? Will they make us watch that horrendous video that we saw in Health class in junior high? (That poor woman didn't even realize that her vagina was going to be exposed to thousands of 12 and 13-year-olds in an attempt to frighten them into staying away from sex. I hoping that they told her that afterward so she could at least have a pleasant experience at the time.) Is the information they're going to give me common sense information that I should already know or will I need to take copious notes? Is this class going to make me feel good about my ability to parent or will I freak out and realize that I have no idea what I've gotten myself in to? Will there be a snack?

All these questions and so many more are swirling around my brain. Can't wait to find out the answers!

Let's play a game. I like games.

2009-10-22T06:56:00.001-07:00

I very much enjoy guessing games. My Mom and I like to guess the exact time we will get home after one of our far-away shopping trips. And when I was younger, my Dad and I would always watch the lottery drawing and try to guess the numbers before they popped up. Good wholesome fun for the whole family.

So in keeping with that family tradition, I'd like to play the "What date will my baby be born, at what time and how much will she weigh?" game. Feel free to guess a name too if you'd like. My due date is December 20, so you can use that as your jumping off point.

The winner will be determined by the person who guesses the date correctly and is closest on the time. Weight is a little too hard to guess correctly, I don't want anyone to be turned off by this complicated process. You can still guess how much you think she will weigh, it just won't be factored into the final judging.

As an incentive, the winner will receive a copy of the video of my birthing experience. This is a family game after all. And you did spend some time thinking about this, so allowing you to share in the experience is the least we can do.

To keep it fair, I will take myself out of the running. With all of my number guessing experience, I have an unfair advantage. Plus I probably know my uterus better than any of you.

So, your guesses please.

730 days.

2009-10-20T05:21:00.000-07:00

Hey Mike,

Remember that one time we got married?

Me too. It was the greatest day of my life.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Love Always, Me

I knew this day would come.

2009-09-27T17:13:00.000-07:00

Despite the fact that I am smiling in this photo, my heart was breaking at this moment.

It is quite possibly the last time I will sit in my super cute VW Jetta. (If the guy who might be buying it isn't a total idiot, that is.) I had this car for 8 years, 8 wonderful years. I bought it new in 2002 and it just fit me. I have a lot of pride in the fact that I bought it and paid it off like a responsible adult. And continued to love it even after the newness wore off.

In 8 years I only put 71,104 miles on it. That makes me laugh. Living across the street from work is so ridiculous, I hope I'm appreciating my commute as much as I should.

She was only in one accident and it was a lame one. I was rear ended by some punk kid who had a spiked license plate holder on his truck, so there were 12 holes poked into my bumper in a perfect rectangle. I still shake my head at that one.

I know it's silly to be attached to a car, but I'm a sentimental gal. And I'm not sorry for that. But, it's time to move on and let someone else enjoy her. I will be getting a more family-friendly car, which is cool, I just love new car smell. But I shall miss her and will think of her often.

So, what do we think of Jetta for a middle name for a daughter?... I'm thinking I like it. We'll name her after our dog and my car - Nora Jetta. Then she will move to Hollywood and end up marrying a guy named Sparrow and all will be right with the world.

UPDATE: Dude isn't buying my car. It's official, he's an idiot. But that does mean that my car and I will be reunited!

Look what we made!

2009-09-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

World: meet Stella Jane...

Born: December 22, 2009 @ 11:05 p.m.

Weight: 6 pounds, 6 ounces

Length: 19 3/4 inches

We named her Stella not necessarily after my great aunt but it was a name that we both liked and it just happens that I had a loved one with the same name. My aunt Stella always called me "doll" and had an enviable costume jewelry collection. She liked the fancier things in life and had a great laugh. She never married or had any children.

The name Jane is after Mike's Godmother who was also the nurse to the doctor who delivered him and his 3 older siblings. His Mom befriended her after going to the same doctor all those years. Coincidentally, she never married or had children either. (I hope we're not sealing this sweet little girl's fate.) We think it's kinda cool to honor them both in this way.

We chose this name way back in July, the same weekend we found out we were having a girl and we've never waivered on it. Not once. It's perfect. She's perfect. I can't believe I actually kept it a secret this long!

We are completely in love with this little girl already. It makes me cry to think about what an honor it is to be her Mom and what a special gift she has been to us already.

Look at her! Sigh. I think we'll keep her.

My lovely lady lumps

2009-09-24T17:48:00.000-07:00

It's true what they say...

... horizontal stripes DO make you look wider. Or maybe it's the baby? Either way, ain't our baby cute?

Photo taken on the eve of my 7th month of pregnancy. Almost 28 weeks.

Ahh, memories.

2009-09-24T13:05:00.000-07:00

Since I am in the family way, I've been thinking a lot about nice family traditions that I'd either like to start or continue.

So I pose this question to you:
What is your favorite family tradition? Either one that you've started or one that you did with your family.

I'm looking for ideas to steal. So make 'em good!

Keep your hands off!

2009-09-10T06:02:00.000-07:00

I was watching my beloved "Good Morning America" this morning, for which we installed a television in our bathroom so that I could watch as I'm getting ready. That's how much I love it. Plus it's super cool to have a flat screen tv in your bathroom...you should look into it.

In any event, they were talking about cold and flu germs and how you can take precautions against them this season. For one thing, they said to avoid touching your face. The average person touches their face approximately 19 TIMES AN HOUR! Think about that. Think about all the things you touch in an hour and then think about touching your face after that. Gag.

They also reported that children are better about washing their hands than adults. They wash them more thoroughly and for a longer amount of time. I witness on a daily basis adults who don't even bother to get their hands wet after going to the bathroom. It's part of the reason I avoid using the restrooms at my place of business. These people are pigs. Luckily I live across the street from work so if I need to go that badly, I drive home. For serious.

And something else I found interesting. You know that thoughtful person who brings donuts in for all to enjoy? I do love a good donut surprise! But leaving them on a counter for everyone to walk up to and breathe all over is actually spreading tons of bacteria. So if you are going to enjoy that donut, be the first one to take yours and try to avoid going back for seconds. Because the remaining donuts - which are usually jelly-filled anyway, blech - are ridden with germs. This is also why at potlucks, I like to be the first person through the line. Not only because I want to be the first to stuff my face, but because I want to avoid eating 25 people's germs.

I don't know if pregnancy is making me extra-cautious about germs and the flu, but I am taking a strong stand to protect myself this season.

And I'm pretty sure I've touched my face 4 times in the time it took me to type this post. Now, I shall go home and wash my hands and face and perhaps soak in an antibacterial sanitizer bubble bath.

Just a taste.

2009-09-09T08:27:00.000-07:00

I still need to weed through the photos and compose a post from our trip to Italy, so hopefully this will tide you over for now. Here is the four of us outside of the Coliseum in Rome - definitely one of the highlights of the trip.

Those two wonderful people on the right of the photo are my lovely, gracious parents. The two people on either side of the four of us are real Gladiators. The guy in the background wearing the brown shirt is a jerk.

You'll notice that we are wearing pants. That's because after the Coliseum we were headed to St. Peter's Basilica, in which you are not allowed to have your shoulders or knees exposed. Clearly this picture was taken early in our Coliseum excursion because by the end, my sleeves were pushed up and my pants were rolled up, because it was a cool 108 degrees that day (no joke) and we were wearing JEANS. Apparently every one else knew that they could wear shorts and bring pants to change into. We will remember that for next time.

On the upside, through this tour group we were on (Tauck - look them up, they were fabulous. I couldn't imagine taking a trip like this on our own), we were able to walk right past the line of people who probably waited two hours in line just to buy tickets. We were total VIPs on this trip, it was awesome!

More to come...

P.S. I HATE wearing flats!

Hello, my name is....

2009-09-08T09:25:00.000-07:00

So we've decided on a name for our baby girl! But we are keeping it a secret until she is here because we'd like to avoid the, "oh, that's my neighbor's dog's name" or "ooh, I knew someone in school with that name and I hated her" or "oh really? {wrinkled face} I'm not sure how I feel about that" nonsense that usually follows. And we like it that we are the only ones who know for now. Especially since every already knows it's a girl, there has to be some element of mystery. Plus it's really fun for us.

Nobody is trying as hard to guess the name as my aunt. The last two times I've seen her, she's probably thrown out 398 names. She's convinced that she's guessed correctly about 6 times, with 6 different names.

I've stopped trying to call the baby by her given name (hee hee!) at home because if I get into the habit of it, I'm positive I'll slip at some point. So for now, she's MD3.

Here's a question we've been struggling with: we LOVE our dog's name - Nora. It's super cute and it flows nicely with our last name. We strongly considered naming our daughter Nora, but think that people would silently judge our decision to name our daughter after our dog. So, would you judge us or someone else you know for naming their daughter or son after their dog? Could we really get away with it? Honesty is appreciated.

Arrivederci, Italia!

2009-08-31T07:56:00.000-07:00

WOW! How do you sum up 8 fantastic days in Italy? Once I've gone through the hundreds of photos that were taken, I shall post all about it. It won't be easy, but I'll give it a shot. I may have to do multiple posts day-by-day or city-by-city.

It's just hard to believe we were even there. It's amazing to think that a place like Italy exists. Because it is such a stark contrast from NW Ohio, it's hard to fathom. But I guess that's why we appreciate vacations so much. And that's usually why I cry when it's time to come home.

But, we had a great time. I think my Dad's 60th birthday was a happy one. Shall post more soon.

Arrivederci!

Fun fact: Italians don't have a word for goodbye. Arrivederci means "see you later or "til we meet again" because they don't believe it's forever, you will see each other again. And when they wave, they don't wave with their palms to the other person or with their fingers to them, instead they do it backward - like they are waving to themselves. Which, to me, isn't backward, that's the way it should be. I thought it was a nice sentiment.

Happy Birthday, Two Pretzels!

2009-08-14T12:31:00.001-07:00

Today is the birthday of our dear friend, Two Pretzels. If it were my birthday or your birthday, she would have posted a photo and a happy birthday wish for us, so it's only fair that she receive the same.

Kylee, I think I speak for all of your friends and followers when I say that you deserve the best birthday one could ask for. We are entertained by you daily and are most definitely GLAD THAT YOU WERE BORN!

Have a happy day, dear, dear Friend!

Love,
Me

We'rehavingababyit'saGIRL!

2009-07-24T08:49:00.000-07:00

MD3 is now officially a GIRL!

And she's a happy baby already! We could see her smile and she had her mouth open and moving! It was the cutest thing ever. We've got a future comedienne in here. Telling jokes and making herself laugh...she takes after me already!

MD guessed GIRL from the beginning, so I must give credit where credit is due. And the 12 other of you who said GIRL, you can now have the satisfaction of knowing you were right. Thanks for playing!

My Dad said, "Oh great, another shopping partner for you and your mom!" In honor of that, I must now go and do some online shopping for fun, girly pink stuff!

Thank you all for being excited! Even those of you who don't know me. How cool to have such nice people to share in this special time!

:)

Polls are now closed.

2009-07-23T13:19:00.000-07:00

It appears as though the majority of you - 17 to be exact - believe that our baby is a BOY.

13 of you said GIRL.

That's 30 total votes! Wow, thank you!

WE WILL KNOW TOMORROW (squeal!) and I shall report the outcome and let you know which batch of voters was correct.

I'm so excited I can barely stand it!

17 weeks.

2009-07-22T18:42:00.000-07:00

Here is the only photo that's been taken of my belly so far. Taken two weeks ago, I'll be 19 weeks on Friday. I'm mad at me. I simply must do this more often. Because 20 weeks from now, 20 years from now, it will be too late. I can't have that.

I've never shown this much skin on the Internet. My head is cut off to protect the innocent.

---

P.S. Guess whose husband showed them how to get photos off the camera and onto the computer? There will be no stopping me now!

P.P.S. There is only 16 hours left to vote on what you think the sex of the baby is. Does the belly give any indication?

Baby Poll.

2009-07-15T13:17:00.001-07:00

What do you think our baby is? Please provide your guess to the right.

The ultrasound appointment is scheduled for next Friday at 10! I shall reveal the results shortly thereafter.

(This is exciting!)

MD3.

2009-07-15T06:23:00.000-07:00

It's been recommended that I start posting pregnancy information. And I think that's a darn good idea. I'm mad at myself for not taking a picture of my belly yet, so in the interim, I shall use this sweet photo.

Here's where I'm at:

As of today, Wednesday, July 15, I am 17.5 weeks pregnant. I will be 18 weeks on Friday.
I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and so far I have gained 11 pounds.
The baby's heartbeat was going at 156 beats per minute (Yes, I am aware of the old wives' tale on heart rate.)
We can find out the sex next week! That was a huge deal for me yesterday.
The doctor I was seeing moved to another state. May have to get a boy doctor. Still debating that one. Luckily the nurse practioner I've seen for years (she was in the delivery room when I was born!) is still there.
My clothes are just now getting to the point of not fitting, yet I'm still trying to squeeze into them for as long as I can. Shirts are really gapping at the bust and I'm just doing my best to not provide a free show at work. I haven't buttoned my pants in about two weeks. I have been wearing maternity jeans, which I love! That full panel thing is tres comfy! All pants should be like that.
I'm trying to walk on the treadmill a couple times a week and lift 5-pound weights.
I'm not craving any weird things, but I'm still eating the heck out of fruit - you name it, cherries, grapes, apples, kiwi, bananas - all of it.
Still drinking lots of orange juice.
I haven't felt any flutters yet, but I'm eagerly anticipating that moment.
I'm no longer tired all the time. Except for when it's really hot outside.
I'm ready to start buying stuff! We already have a swing and a pack 'n play that we got from a friend of my Mom's. Which we've had since Week 10.
My place of business has a child care center and we got word yesterday that we are off the waiting list and are in for Spring '10! The child care center was one of the first places that I called when I found out I was pregnant. The place fills up fast. Like, a year in advance! It'll be nice to have the baby right here. I can see the building from my window.

Um, I think that's about it for now.

Ciao, bellas!

2009-07-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

Our trip to Italy has been booked, the plane tickets have been purchased, and I've been working on my Italian, as the title of this post clearly indicates!

I still can't believe we're going. And that we're going so soon! Normally people plan these trips months, even years, in advance. Not my family, we leave next month! I won't say exactly when, because you know the Internets, there are probably people stalking our compound as I type. You can't trust people you follow on Twitter these days :) It's just a joke, I fully trust all 27 of my followers, you seem like good people.

The part I'm most looking forward to is our time in Venice. Riding a gondola in Venice was on my list of things to do before I pass. And that sounds a lot more appealing and practical than jumping out of an airplane, which is also on my list. I just hope the two won't go hand in hand.

But I think the coolest part of this whole trip is that, for the first time in their lives, both of my parents have to get a passport. This will be the first trip out of the country for both of them. Something about that brings a tear to my eye. And makes me smile.
...

Here's our itinerary, it's an 8-day trip that is chock full of fun:

Day 1 – See the glories of Ancient Rome. Welcome to Rome, where your family begins this most excellent of Tauck Italy tours; a drive through the heart of the city reveals relics of Imperial Rome, once capital of the ancient world. Walk through one of the Colosseum's 80 entrances to step back in time on a guided tour of what might be the world's most famous arena, and pose for pictures with Roman Centurions (count on it.) ; and explore the temples and basilicas of the Roman Forum, nerve center of the ancient empire. Join us for a welcome dinner tonight at your hotel.

Day 2 – Rome at leisure and a private after-hours Vatican tour. Most of the day is yours to explore more of Rome's iconic sights on your own, from the Spanish Steps to the Trevi Fountain; be sure to make a wish there to ensure your return to the "Eternal City." Later, Tauck's family journey through Italy tours one of the world's most famous houses of worship, magnificent St. Peter’s Basilica. This evening, join us for a Tauck Exclusive – a privately guided after-hours tour of the Vatican Museums (no way!), full of fascinating history and artistic masterpieces. View Michelangelo’s famous ceiling in the Sistine Chapel (sounds incredible!) – which the artist originally resisted doing because he considered himself a sculptor, not a painter – without the usual crowds (my dad will LOVE this part)!

Day 3 – Through Orvieto's tunnels and Tuscany's hills to Florence. Discoveries abound on this most delightful of Italy tours today as your family sets off through rural Umbria and Tuscany. The first stop on your travels is walled Orvieto, perched on a volcanic plateau; a guided tour takes you under its cobblestone streets to explore the town's honeycombed medieval tunnels, and caves dating back to the time of the ancient Etruscans. Then it's on to Florence, birthplace of the Renaissance, where you'll check out Michelangelo's famed statue of David (I'll take pics for you ladies out there) and other great works at the Galleria dell'Accademia, the oldest art school in the world.

Day 4 – The Leaning Tower and pizza-making in Pisa. An excursion from Florence takes you to Pisa for a look at this maritime city's great medieval buildings – including a glimpse of the remarkable Leaning Tower and more of Pisa's "field of miracles" – followed by a tasty lunchtime pizza-making demonstration (um, fun!). Return to Florence for an evening as you please.

Day 5 – Florentine treasures at the Uffizi Gallery. More great Renaissance art awaits in Florence today. A local art historian shares insights about the Renaissance and prepares you for a visit to the Uffizi Gallery, the world's oldest art gallery, where you'll see masterpieces galore – including Michelangelo’s painting of The Holy Family and Botticelli's The Birth of Venus (I may have to work on being more "arty" before this day). The rest of the day is free for your family to explore more of Florence as you wish.

Day 6 – Travel to Venice aboard the high-speed Eurostar. A first-class rail journey aboard the high-speed Eurostar takes your family to Venice, a city of islands where the roads are paved with water, and a treasured memory of many Italy tours. Ride a private boat to the city's heart for lunch along the Grand Canal, followed by a walking tour of massive St. Mark’s Square, and a visit to the Doges’ Palace; learn why a small bridge high above a canal is called the Bridge of Sighs. Later, a musician serenades your family as you ride in a gondola (squee!), traveling through the canals as the Venetians have done for centuries!

Day 7 – Experience Venice your wayIf there is any city in Europe that is perfect for just wandering, seeing and experiencing, it is Venice. Follow the small, cobbled streets and alleyways to see where they lead; visit a museum, sample some gelato (I MUST have) (served warmer and creamier than traditional ice cream), or just feed the pigeons (this is doubtful, we didn't go to Italy to feed pigeons. Hello, shopping time!) in Saint Mark’s Square. Tonight, please join us for a farewell reception and dinner, as this most memorable of family Italy tours draws to a spectacular close.

Day 8 – Homeward boundTour ends: Venice. Fly home anytime. If you did throw that coin into Trevi Fountain, legend has it that you will return to L’Italia Bella again someday!
....

I'd love to hear from anyone who has been. I love travel tips and suggestions.

Arrivederci!
(Damn, I'm gettin' good.)

This is a serious WTF?

2009-06-18T18:39:00.000-07:00

The following flier was in our mailbox the other day. I would like to share with you and would love to know you think it means. You ready?

[Typed verbatim]
....
CAUTION!

The sun has been increasing in size! Many people are unaware of this event, except Hillary Clinton. We have spoken with him. He said that we need to do something to protect and save our children, and we do! The sun will grow and earth will soon reach up to 800 to 900 degrees. We know this because citizens on Mercury and Venus have already experienced this blazing event. NASA does not even know about this, but we do. Rely on us and follow our procedures...

1. Buy saran wrap.
2. Cover your children except their heads.
3. Store them in freezer from ten to twenty years.

This should keep your children safe and the non-believers burned to a liquid.

Thank You For Helping.
.....
Great. And we chose now to have a baby? What we were thinking? I guess I better go stock up on saran wrap. And possibly get Hillary Clinton on the horn so he can explain.

Lazy blurbs.

2009-06-15T08:54:00.001-07:00

Time for my "lazy can't think of a good post so here are some bullet points" post:

Today, I am 31. How? I was just getting used to 30. Where did this number come from? My brother-in-law has told me that 31 was harder for him than 30, because not only was he 30, he was 30 + something. I've been contemplating that thought today.
I choose to not work on my birthday. Having a summer birthday, I never had to go to school, so why should I go to work? I encourage everyone to take their birthday off. It's the one day of the year people are supposed to be nice to you. Who needs annoying work emails or phone calls? I'd much rather wake up, have a Barry's Bagels Eggel and my decaf Starbucks and go shopping then lay out in the sun like I plan on doing today. I don't need anyone's nonsense.
By the time this day comes around next year, I will have a six-month-old!
I am officially in my second trimester. I'd say I had a very successful first trimester. No sickness to speak of. And I think I'm starting to get over the excessive tiredness. I would also like to point out that I am wearing my skinny jeans today and they are buttoned - booyah!
"Breaking Bad" is one hell of a tv show. It's on AMC. Get the dvds. Watch them.
This next one will make me (and my husband) cry... we found out last week that we totally missed the Coldplay concert that we had tickets to. It was June 2, which we realized on June 9. D'oh! My stomach hurts just thinking about it. But because my husband is great, he got tickets to another of their concerts in Wisconsin next month. (It's July 30*... PLEASE REMIND ME!) We got engaged in Wisconsin, so we will be staying at the hotel that he proposed in. Very sweet! Almost makes missing the first concert worth it. Almost.
My Dad has decided he wants to go to Italy for his birthday celebration. He found an awesome 8-day trip. Now, I have to contact Mastercard to convince my Mom that the cost of this trip is "priceless". Sidenote: for 4 people to fly first class to Rome would cost $12,500! Hahhah!
I have fantastic friends.

TTFN!

*UPDATE: OMG! The friggin Coldplay concert that we are seeing is JULY 25! Not the 30th. Ugh, we are destined to miss another one.

I guess I need to get one of those creepy spinning baby graphics for the side of my blog.

2009-05-21T08:09:00.000-07:00

[Alternate title: Oh, so this is what boobs look like...]

It's true, MD and I are going to be parents!

Finding out you are pregnant is incredibly exciting. (I know, news flash.) We found out right before we took our road trip to Charlotte in April. (Tuesday, April 14, 2009, 9:38 p.m. to be exact.) So I had 11 hours to focus on our news while trying not to blurt it out to our friends who we were traveling with. Which, ultimately, we ended up telling them that weekend anyway. There was no way I could have pulled off not drinking for a whole weekend. We were there for a wedding, it's what we do!

I took a pregnancy test after being extremely tired and late. But I had been feeling crampy so I was sure that I wasn't. (Little did I know, they were uterus-growing cramps.) I waited the designated amount of time and like the previous months, I announced from the bathroom that time was up. I glanced at it. Then I STARED at it. Two lines!?

That particular test didn't have a key on it, so I took the test and the paper downstairs to Mike, not uttering a sound. I handed both to him. We squealed (ok, I squealed) and hugged and said "Oh my God!" a few hundred times. Then I quickly drank a few glasses of water and took another one. Positive. Then I took two more a week later. Juuust to make sure. Positive and positive. No doubt about any of them.

Being a Nervous Nelly, I have been hesitant to tell people too early. But it's been a lot of fun. Seeing people's raw genuine reactions is great. I love surprises. To say that my parents were excited is the understatement of the new millenium. And my totally great sister-in-law hopped around the house. Not too many people hop anymore.

One thing (aside from the obvious miracle and growing chest) that has really pleased me about becoming pregnant is the fact that I've discovered that I don't drink because I have to, I drink because I just like it. I truly enjoy a nice glass of wine and a cold beer. And I miss them both. It's a small price to pay though. They'll be there after I have the baby. (Like, in the waiting room I hope.)

I was one of the lucky ones. I haven't had any bouts of morning, afternoon or evening sickness. Although certain foods have not sounded remotely appealing - like whole wheat crackers. There was no way I could have swallowed the one that I chewed. No way. It tasted like pure evil. And sometimes, even my lifelong friend CHEESE doesn't always sound good. Which is upsetting. I hope that it, too, will be there for me after I have the baby. However, I can't get enough apples. Bring on the Fujis! (And the potato chips and french onion dip! I'm embarrassed to share how much of those I've eaten so far.) And suddenly I'm drinking orange juice again after, oh, I don't know... 18 years? It's so random how this works. But I'm loving it.

Truth: There was a time in my life where I wasn't sure if I wanted to have kids. I've always liked them, I just wasn't comfortable around them. I wasn't around kids all that much growing up. My family is relatively small and everyone is close to my age, so I didn't have people 10-15 years older than me who had kids. But I'd say over the last 5 years or so I really started to grow fond of children. My cousins started having them and I saw how much they enjoyed them and I oohed and ahhed over them and held them and became a Godparent to one of them.

And then I met my husband.

And I saw how close he is with his siblings. He takes every other year-ly trips with his two older brothers and his sister thinks the world of him. That solidified it. I thought, "Let's do this. I want that in my life." I want to have children who are great friends and I want to build that family environment with Christmas traditions and vacations and birthday parties and hugs just because. I want to hold my kid's little hand and read them funny stories and laugh about silly things they say or do. I want to have that experience with my husband of being at the hospital looking at each other and realizing that our whole lives are about to change forever. I WANT THAT. And, I want my parents to be grandparents. It wouldn't be fair to the world if they weren't.

Not to mention how great my husband is with our nieces and nephews. I have NO DOUBT that he will be an awesome father. Loving and protective all at the same time. And he's great at impressions so he will definitely know how to make them laugh :) Why wouldn't I want to have a baby with him?

I would definitely like more than one, if we are so blessed. I've been an only child - it's ok, it has its perks, but personally I can't help but think I'm missing out on something more. I don't want that for my kids.

So, I'm 11 weeks today. I've had an ultrasound and been to various doctor's appointments and it looks like little MD3 is due December 20. What a wonderful Christmas present we will have this year!

Help us plan our vacation.

2009-05-08T08:01:00.000-07:00

It's a milestone year for my good 'old Dad. He'll be 60 this year and really wants to take a family trip. Since MD and I had such a good time in Vegas last year, we thought that would be a good choice. My Mom agreed. But apparently my Dad was thinking bigger. He wants to go to Budapest, Hungary. His Mom is Hungarian and he thought it would be cool to go back to his roots.

Ok, great! When do we leave!? I mean, how cool does this building look? We're in!

Not so fast.

Once he discovered there was a possibility of a 12-hour layover, he quickly dismissed that idea. My dad is not a very patient man. He's nice, but impatient. And a 12-hour layover simply will not work. In fact, he may find himself vacationing alone if the rest of us must endure that time with him.

So now he's thinking England. And in his words, "Not London, more like where the Beatles are from. " I'm thinking that means Liverpool. Which is cool, too. I guess.

Budapest just seems more exotic. And we would be incredibly lucky to get to go there. It's definitely not a place you go very often. There aren't too many flyers for Budapest in the airports.

So, what do we think? Do we go to Budapest and risk breaking up with my Dad? Do we go to the place where the Beatles are from? Or do we go to the place where you can see Paris, New York, the pyramids of Egypt, the volcanos of Hawaii and the pirate ships of Somalia all on one big street... otherwise known as Vegas?

Celebrate!

2009-04-26T13:48:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my BFF, Turtle Parade! Hope your day is EXTRA special this year!

How is that you are 31 and I will be 29 in June and we were born the same year? Hmm. Weird.

Love you!

If given the option, I would prefer to fly the friendly skies.

2009-04-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

This evening I will be embarking on my third road trip. Which to me is anything over 6 hours.

My first road trip was a family vacation to Niagra Falls/Toronto/Syracuse, NY when I was nine years old. The parts where we were far away from the car were by far the best memories of that trip. Riding in a car for 10 hours with my Dad still gives me nightmares. Let's just say he isn't winnning World's Most Patient Driver awards any time soon. He has very little tolerance for other drivers. Which, who don't?, but when you're 9 and you're thinking you're heading for some family fun, and you see your Dad give the finger on numerous occasions, you put your head down and sleep the rest of the trip. It was the last time we ever drove to a vacation destination.

And I really didn't do much road tripping in college. I majored in Psychology my freshman year, so I can accurately determine that it's because of the experiences I had driving with my Dad that kept me away from them. I didn't need that stress in my life at the time.

My most recent road trip was to New York City two summers ago with MD, Turtle Parade and Mr. Turtle Parade. I'm happy to say that that road trip was far less painful than my first one. It was fun, we didn't get lost once (not even in The City!), and no one got pissed, everyone kept their fingers to themselves.

So let's hope this streak continues as we head to Charlotte in a minivan tonight.

I got all my road trip snacks, the Garmin, the portable DVD player, the laptop, the laptop adapter, the iPod, the iPod charger, everything you (now) need for a road trip. We're bringing the paper map, but only to use as toilet paper if we have to stop along the side of the road.

So unnecessary.

2009-04-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

If Levi Johnston is hoping to have a relationship with his son with Bristol Palin, I would suggest he keep his mouth shut and stay out of the press and talk shows. Especially the Tyra Banks show. Are you kidding me?

I'm sure it's difficult for him to not see his son as often as he would like, but he's not doing himself any favors by airing his dirty laundry to the nation. Methinks he has ulterior motives. Like he's hoping to get on a reality show or something.

It's just an unfortunate situation all the way around.

One of my favorite days of the year.

2009-03-31T06:39:00.000-07:00

Twenty-nine years ago TODAY, in southern Indiana, a wonderful man was born. A man who is witty, handsome, more intelligent than a person should be allowed to be, thoughtful, fun to travel with, dog-loving, great dishwasher loader, fantastic lawnmower, unfearful of fires, fixer of anything, lover of beer and a heartwarming family man who has great taste in television, music and wife-choosing, but not so much in birthday restaurant choosing. And lucky for me, he is my HUSBAND.

And I am crazy thankful he was born because he has brought so much to my life that I can barely stand it. Most notably, goat cheese. I'm only kidding! But the other things are 'schmoopie' things that I shall keep between us.

So today, I honor him and celebrate him and marvel at what a great man he is.

Happy Birthday Mike! I love you. You mean THE WORLD to me.

Roadies.

2009-03-27T08:24:00.000-07:00

I've never been much of a concert-goer in the past. I enjoy them and all, but they just weren't something that was ever a priority to me. In fact, the few concerts that I've been to embarrass me and would certainly cause you to question my musical tastes and probably my overall character.

Things have changed, however.

Now I absolutely love seeing people perform live. Before I see a concert I listen to their cds ad nauseum so that I know the words and can sing along. And after the fact, I'm usually so enthralled with whoever I just saw for about a month. So I continue to listen to the cd to bring back the fun and excitement of seeing them in concert. I love it. Perhaps it's because I've been seeing bigger acts who put on more of a show? I dunno.

So here's our recent and upcoming concert tour schedule*:

Just saw Ben Folds in concert last Sunday. It was great fun! I love any band with a piano. (anyone ever seen Harry Connick Jr. in concert? The man is not human, his piano playing skills are ri-dic-u-lous!)

We just bought tickets to see Coldplay in June in Detroit! They have definitely been on my list of concerts that I MUST attend.

And then in July we are going with my brother and sister-in-law (and two family friends) to see Billy Joel and Elton John in Chicago. Together! Tickets were definitely not easy to come by. This one was on the husband's list of concerts he MUST attend.

So, needless to say, we're excited for this summer.

*These concerts may or may not be better than the time I saw Michael Bolton in concert. I'll let you know.

Well, I'm taken anyhow.

2009-03-24T06:21:00.000-07:00

David Letterman married his LONGTIME girlfriend and baby mama over the weekend.
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20267367,00.html

I would be upset except for the fact that I have my very own Hoosier at home. And I kinda like him.

So this is joyful news! They have my blessing.

I think I just might.

2009-03-17T06:38:00.001-07:00

Our ALWAYS smiley niece, Tess. A truer shirt has never been worn.

Enjoy the day! If you're into that drinking green beer and eating cabbage thing.

A must see.

2009-02-24T07:34:00.000-08:00

I'm sure you know that "Slumdog Millionaire" won the Oscar for best picture the other evening. I am far from being the world's biggest movie buff, but with all of the hype surrounding this movie, I had to see it. I was hoping that it wasn't one of those movies that gets so much hype and then turns out to be a ginormous disappointment. (See: "There's Something About Mary" as example.) So I went to see it on Saturday before the Oscars so that when it won, I could understand why. And then I could speak intelligently on its merits and worthiness of the award.

And thus my following statement is one that is educated and informed and one that you can take to heart - this movie is fantastic.

The premise: A boy from the slums of India gets on the Indian version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire". Then there's some stuff that happens and you learn some stuff about that stuff and in the end you leave thinking that you can't believe people paid $10 to see "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" when they could have seen THIS! As an added bonus, there is a lovely Indian dance number at the end while the credits are rolling. Stay for that. I cannot get the song out of my head. Thank goodness too because it has replaced "Single Ladies" which has been there for 3 weeks now.

Although a lot of times the Oscars are self-congratulating and unnecessary, a movie like this truly does deserve to be recognized. It was originally developed to go straight to dvd alongside Jessica Simpson's "Private Valentine". Now, I have not seen Private Valentine, but something tells me these two movies are polar opposites on the 'good' scale.

I recommend you do yourself a favor and go to the next matinee showing of Slumdog Millionaire as soon as you can. In these difficult economic times, the matinee is the only way to go. I paid $5.25. (But then dropped an additional $8.50 on a pop and pretzel bites. D'oh!)

And if it sounds like I have built it up too much, I can assure you I have not.

It doesn't match.

2009-02-17T13:41:00.000-08:00

I have a real big problem with the match.com commercials in which the woman riding a horse says that she is "just a goof looking for her ball". Now, I'm not sure if they were going for the obvious anatomical reference to "ball" here or not. I get the term goofball and I know what they were trying to do with the play on the word, but they failed. Hard.

It's like saying, "I'm just an idi looking for my ot".

I hate it.

My 25 things.

2009-02-06T08:45:00.000-08:00

Here are my 25 Things. I don’t want to post it on Facebook because I think there are too many people from high school who I wasn’t really friends with back then who have wanted dirt on me for the last 16 years. So to spite them, I am only posting it on my blog for you, my faithful readers. The majority of whom I’ve never met. Don’t argue with me on the logic – it makes perfect sense.

1. I do not understand people’s addiction to chocolate.
2. I like to clean my ears and look at the gunk on the Q-tip.
3. I am relatively bitter about being an only child. And I’m thankful to have married into a large family.
4. As much as I want to be a Mom, I’m scared that I won’t do it right.
5. My fear of mayonnaise goes back to when I was 4 years old and would not eat the egg salad sandwiches my daycare served for lunch. Naptime was after lunchtime and they wouldn’t let me take a nap unless I ate my sandwich. I very distinctly remember sitting in the dark by myself with an egg salad sandwich staring at me. To this day, I don’t want the stuff anywhere near me.
6. I’ve loved David Letterman for about 15 years after I read an article that said women found him sexually attractive. I tuned in one night to see what they were talking about and found him hilarious. I’ve been a fan ever since. And I still can’t believe I sat in the FRONT ROW of his show!
7. I wish I had spent more time with my Dad’s side of the family growing up. They are very funny people whose company I really enjoy.
8. I regret not ever living outside of Ohio.
9. I love television.
10. Whenever I need to be creative, I get out a pencil and paper and write down ideas. I don’t feel I can be creative on a computer or with a pen.
11. My husband and I were set up on a date and I think it’s cool that we both remember the details of that evening very well.
12. I like it when people think I’m funny.
13. I went to 3 colleges and still graduated in 4 years.
14. I love the dictionary.
15. If there were only five foods I had to eat the rest of my life, they would be: cheese, crackers, beefstick, grapes and gummi bears. And water to drink.
16. I like winter better than summer. Fall is my favorite time of year.
17. I almost always fall asleep when we watch a movie at home.
18. I am indecisive to a fault. I will probably think of 18 things I should have said instead once I finish this.
19. I am on a perpetual hunt for the perfect pair of jeans and sunglasses.
20. I have always liked my body, but there are a lot of things I would change about my face.
21. I lose it when people chew popcorn loudly at movies. I have to sit in the very back row to make sure no one sits behind me and chews in my ear.
22. I feel my life will not be complete if I don’t catch a foul ball at a Detroit Tigers baseball game before I pass.
23. I’m married to the smartest man in the world who can fix anything. And everyday I am grateful that I met him.
24. My Mom always told me that it’s not always about being popular, it’s about making sure that you’re nice to everyone. That wisdom has served me well.
25. I love immediate gratification.

Dear Mike,

2009-02-03T12:56:00.001-08:00

Although I am an only child who has always hoped (and still do) for a brother or sister, I promise you this will not be me:

"Suleman (the Mom of the woman who had 14 kids) suspects that Nadya (the woman who had 14 kids), a divorced single mom who conceived all of her kids via in vitro fertilization, took such a drastic step to compensate for being an only child. "She was always upset about not having brothers and sisters," says Suleman, who previously questioned Nadya's decision making. "

I love you more than that. And will set aside my own sibling-less issues because I don't believe that having 14 kids is the answer. While I agree and understand her perspective, I'm pretty sure having 2 (aka, more than one) kids would solve that only child predicament. Maybe I'm just better at math than she is?

Love,
Michelle.

Ding Dong, HGTV calling! (Or at least they should.)

2009-02-03T08:00:00.000-08:00

The final stage of the not exactly extreme house makeover was completed this morning. Please stay tuned for photos. I don't have many 'before' photos, but the 'after' photos will blow your mind. I suppose it blows my mind more because I live there everyday, but I'm telling you, the place looks amazing!

I will post photos soon and then I will regale you with a story about a new console table for our living room. You won't want to miss this!

Under construction.

2009-01-22T13:16:00.001-08:00

It's an exciting time around the D household. We have many home improvement projects in the works, which is excellent for a HGTV-loving (read: obsessed) woman such as myself.

This week we got our basement ceiling drywalled so that we can have a finished basement. I've always wanted one of those. I will probably only go down there to play the Wii or to lose at darts, but it's nice to have nonetheless.

Then in early February we are getting our fireplace tiled. This is project that we are doing out of necessity thanks to a lovely fire in the fireplace that went wrong. Way wrong. Like, burning log fell OUT OF THE FIREPLACE and onto the what-we-thought-was-marble-but-turned-out-to-be-not-marble-because-it-burned wrong. Thanks to some quick moves by my husband who ripped off and sacrificed his sweatshirt to smother the flames, the fire didn't extend to the new carpet we have in the family room. That would have made me flaming angry. (sorry.) So we have a toasted not-marble hearth that needs removed and we are putting tile in its place.
And we're getting new carpet in 2 of the bedrooms, including the master boudoir. Nothing turns me on more than new carpet smell.

Everything should be done by early February. It's so fun. I could home improve until we ended up in the Poor House. And even then, I would probably want to redo the Poor House.

I would invite you over to see all of our improvements and enjoy a glass of wine, but you'd probably spill it on our new carpet, so I'll just post pics instead.

Suze Orman would be proud.

2009-01-12T08:44:00.000-08:00

In these tough economic times, it's wise to know just how much you owe people out there. By people, I mean creditors. I admit, I was one who would open a credit card at a store to save the extra 10% on my purchases that day. But then I would never use the card again. BUT, I also never canceled the card. Not a good idea. Luckily I carried zero balances on almost all of those cards, but to those who you may be asking to give you a loan, it don't look good.

So my husband ran credit reports for us both. Not on F-R-E-E, that spells free, credit report.com, baby but on A-N-N-U-A-L credit report.com, tootse. Go here if you want one. Apparently Free Credit Report.com, while darn catchy and fun, charges your credit card for using them. WTF!? Annual Credit Report does nothing of the sort for your basic credit report. Like, where do you have cards to, when did you open it, what's your balance, what's the amount of your last payment, and the date the card was last used.

I guess somewhere along the line I had opened about 17 credit cards. Yowza! Some of those were for furniture that I bought and had financed or for my car or for my freakin basement waterproofing, things of that nature. So they weren't ALL The Limited-type cards. But a decent amount of them were. We are considering refinancing our house and in order to show them that I'm not going on some crazy shopping spree at Lerner (which isn't even called that anymore!), I canceled them. And even if we weren't thinking about refinancing, they needed to be closed. I never used them. Now I only have one general credit card - it's recommended that you keep open the card you have had the longest to show that you have established credit.

I think it took all of a half an hour to close them. It was so easy! Once you finally get to talk to someone and they try to throw coupons and discounts at you to try and keep you and you politely decline (although you desperately would love to have 30% off a new outfit) , it takes them all of 25 seconds to close your account. But then it takes 30 days for notice of the closing to be sent to creditors and show up on your report. It was time well spent.

This is just my public service announcement to all of you who may be in the same situation. It's something to think about doing and really it takes little to no effort at all.

No ceramic goose for my Grandma!

2009-01-07T10:39:00.000-08:00

In the past I've mentioned my 82-year-old Grandma and how small and feisty and hilarious she is, but I don't think I've mentioned how VERY politically opinionated she is. Behold the doormat on her front porch:

This was a Christmas gift she bought herself. A CHRISTMAS gift, NOT a 'Holiday' gift, she was careful to point out. For those of you not aware, this is Bill O'Reilly's (from FOX News) "catchphrase". My Grandma loves this man and wants all who visit her to know it. In normal conversation, she's not overly aggressive with her political views but you certainly don't want to enter into a discussion with her if you take the opposing side. She and my Dad got into some pretty hairy debates before the election.

Some may agree with her, some may not. But I think it's pretty cool that she is as informed and 'with it' as she is.

This is one Grandma who won't be shopping at the local craft store for a Christmas dress for her porch goose. This decor is more her style.

Unbalanced.

2009-01-05T08:12:00.000-08:00

Over my Christmas break, I was diagnosed with Small Ear Lobe syndrome. A problem that has resulted in tear in my pierced left ear. It's a woe that I've lived with for the last 10 years or so. It's prevented me from wearing any earrings heavier than a small post and I've worn the same ones every day for the last 10 years. I even wore the few cute clip-ons they make for ladies under 60. Trust me, I've searched far and wide, they are hard to come by. (The best place to find some - Francesca's.) I even tried the stickers that Turtle Parade got for me, they worked pretty well, but I can't wear them forever. So I decided to have surgery to fix the problem.

Did I need the surgery? Probably not. Am I tired of wearing the same earrings every day for 10 years? Hell yes! Do I think people are tired of seeing me wear the same earrings every day for 10 years? I'm sure of it. Do I really think people care what earrings I wear? Duh, of course they do.

Ultimately, what it comes down to, I am bored. And insurance covered it.

So the day after Christmas, I went under the knife. The procedure took all of 30 minutes. They gave me the option of being put under or getting a local. Being such a tough cookie, I went with the local. (Please. I knew why I was there, I wasn't receiving anything serious. The 3 needle pricks in my ear were my punishment for having this self-fulfilling surgery.) They sliced all the way through the hole in my ear and then sewed it back up with 3 stitches. After a few months, I'll have to get it repierced, this time only higher up on my small lobe. And a few months after that, I can wear cute and fun earrings like all of you with healthy, well-pierced ears.

In the meantime, however, I will be wearing one earring. It doesn't feel right not to wear any. So I wear one in my right ear. My hair covers up my left ear pretty well, so you really can't tell, but I do feel slightly off balance. It's totally worth it.

January.

2009-01-05T07:16:00.001-08:00

Boy, you give a girl 12 days off and she forgets all semblance of real life.

I resolve to be bloggier in 2009.

Happy New Year everyone!

December.

2008-12-12T12:31:00.001-08:00

There's just so much I love about this month. The snow, the warm and happy feelings, being with family, fireplaces, coffee and hot chocolate, all the Christmas activities including the tree, the lights, the gift wrapping, etc...

Another one of my favorite traditions is shopping in Columbus with my Mom. As avid shoppers, we do it this time every year. It's a nice mother-daughter tradition to throw ourselves in with the not-quite last-minute crazies. Perhaps that makes us crazies too? And somehow we always manage to go to Easton (the outdoor mall) on thee coldest day of the year. We'll be there on Monday, I haven't seen the forecast but I'm guessing it'll be 15 degrees and snowy.

But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Can't think of a subject, can't think of a title.

2008-12-10T06:31:00.001-08:00

As I usually do when I can't think of anything to write about, I'm going to give some short quick quips on recent events:

We saw the Twilight movie. I didn't love it. It counted on you knowing the book (which I've read) and I thought it moved too fast through some of the scenes without giving enough substance to them. I also didn't appreciate the teenagers in the theater. The kid sitting behind us actually took a phone call in the middle of the movie and was loudly explaining to his friend how his girlfriend thought he was cheating on her and how she ruined their anniversary because of it. Although, I'm pretty sure he was getting 'serviced' later on. So I guess they made up.

Got our Christmas tree! And we put it up last night. I love that smell SO MUCH! I could sit in front of it all day and sniff it. There's just no replacement for that smell. Those silly poser air fresheners don't even come close.

I'm finding it very difficult to concentrate lately. I've been ignoring my alarm - it goes off about 8 times (no joke) - and waking up late almost every day. My day usually starts with me saying, "Oh shit, it's 7:40!". I've just been out of it. And too tired to care. (Hence the bullet points.) Not sure what the deal is?

I'm taking an exercise class twice a week. It's called Total Body Conditioning or something like that. What it should be called is, "You're really out of shape Michelle and should be totally embarrassed. Now do 20 more squats!" But I'm really enjoying it. There's only one other lady in the class so it's like I have my own personal trainer.

I got my hair cut yesterday. I was feeling adventurous and thought that cutting bangs would be wacky fun... turns out, it wasn't. I look ridiculous. Even more so because I will be spending the next 3 weeks pushing the hair out of my eyes until they grow out. I left the salon looking like a 40-year-old soccer mom instead of 30-year-old woman with no kids who knows very little about soccer. Stupid, stupid, stupid. We're supposed to have photos taken on Saturday. Why I chose to make this huge decision before photo day takes me back to fourth grade Perms Gone Bad photos. I haven't learned a thing.

Jay Leno is a pompous ass. I cannot believe he is doing a show at 10 p.m. before Conan when Conan assumes the Late Night spot next year. Conan has waited 5 years for this and now he's still following behind him. Conan has earned the right to prove himself, he doesn't need you to be his lead-in. Although he's not allowed to say it, I bet he is pissed. I am.

On a more serious note, my sister-in-law is having the worst 2008. She's the type that is always laughing, always having a good time, so it's really hard to hear that she's sad and not herself. I'm sure she would appreciate a kind thought.

Thank you.

2008-11-25T12:27:00.001-08:00

Well friends, our office is closed until Monday and we are heading to Evansville to celebrate the wonderfully delicious and heartwarming Thanskgiving holiday. So I'd like to wish you and yours and very Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for so many things, it brings tears to my eyes to think about them. So I am thankful for Thanksgiving, because it's a day to reflect on just how lucky I am.

(I think we can all be thankful for the low gas prices this year, especially those of us who are traveling. Safe travels everyone!)

A hand model I shall not be.

2008-11-20T06:45:00.001-08:00

The only thing I don't like about this time of year is the way that it completely dries out my hands. They are dry to the point of painful. Complete with cracking and bleeding and snagging on wool objects. It's uber attractive.

I'm convinced that there isn't a lotion out there that will help. Sure there are some decent ones on the market, but they all seem to be dirt magnets. Within hours, I feel like every particle of dirt floating around the atmosphere has attached itself to the lotion on my hands. So I go and wash them, thus removing the lotion and putting me right back where I started. In pain. It's a disappointing cycle, so I usually just suffer in silence. I'm quite the martyr.

What's even more unfair is that my husband has hands like babies' butts. They are quite possibly the softest hands in all of North America. Definitely softer than 99.9% of men and probably softer than 95% of women. And that's without a lick of lotion! I don't get it.

So those hands that you see modeling beautiful jewelry in magazines or perfectly pointing out products on the Price is Right, ain't mine.

Older and wiser and good at telling people what to do.

2008-11-10T11:46:00.000-08:00

Although I work in higher education, I've never been directly involved with the lives of students. I'm more in the business of telling students where to go, and less of how I can help them get there. So I was caught off guard the other week when my 18-year-old cousin, who is a freshman in college, asked for my advice as to what I think she should major in. She is currently undecided but, I get the impression, desperately seeking to choose something. I was flattered that she values my opinion of what I think she should choose to do for the rest of her life. It also gave me a strange sense of power. Now, I certainly am not pompous or naive enough to believe that she will choose to do exactly what I say, but it was an honor just being nominated.

Perhaps she asked me because I'm the only member of my Mom's side of the family to graduate from a four-year school? (Although her older sister will be graduating from one next semester. It's taken her a little longer than most, but that's cool, she's finishing, that's all that matters.) Perhaps she asked me because she thinks I have done ok in life? I don't exactly know, but I think she thought twice about asking me when I encouraged her to look into gerontology.

My reasons are this: She has always been great with my grandma. When sometimes, my cousins and I feel uncomfortable around her because she's getting older and more fraille and harder to talk to, this cousin will call her on the phone or sit by her on the couch and chat about how things are going. She's the same way with my great aunt who is around 85. She just has that gift. And I don't think many people do. Plus, she loves History, so she likes old things.

I'm pretty sure it was a less sexy suggestion than she was looking for, but I truly believe she would be good at it. At a family gathering last night, she asked me if I had given any more thought to what I think she should do. I again pushed my agenda and we got out the laptop so I could prove to her that gerontology is more than your general nursing home unpleasantries. She didn't seem any more convinced. We looked at a few other options of which she would probably be good at, but I can just see her doing this. I want her to do it.

She asked for it. And I'm not giving up!

Deep Thoughts.

2008-11-07T05:50:00.000-08:00

I've decided to get a tattoo.

I'd like to get a tattoo of the inside of my body all over the outside of my body. With complete anatomical correctness.

This way, everyone can truly love me for who I am on the inside.