A must see.

I'm sure you know that "Slumdog Millionaire" won the Oscar for best picture the other evening. I am far from being the world's biggest movie buff, but with all of the hype surrounding this movie, I had to see it. I was hoping that it wasn't one of those movies that gets so much hype and then turns out to be a ginormous disappointment. (See: "There's Something About Mary" as example.) So I went to see it on Saturday before the Oscars so that when it won, I could understand why. And then I could speak intelligently on its merits and worthiness of the award.

And thus my following statement is one that is educated and informed and one that you can take to heart - this movie is fantastic.

The premise: A boy from the slums of India gets on the Indian version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire". Then there's some stuff that happens and you learn some stuff about that stuff and in the end you leave thinking that you can't believe people paid $10 to see "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" when they could have seen THIS! As an added bonus, there is a lovely Indian dance number at the end while the credits are rolling. Stay for that. I cannot get the song out of my head. Thank goodness too because it has replaced "Single Ladies" which has been there for 3 weeks now.

Although a lot of times the Oscars are self-congratulating and unnecessary, a movie like this truly does deserve to be recognized. It was originally developed to go straight to dvd alongside Jessica Simpson's "Private Valentine". Now, I have not seen Private Valentine, but something tells me these two movies are polar opposites on the 'good' scale.

I recommend you do yourself a favor and go to the next matinee showing of Slumdog Millionaire as soon as you can. In these difficult economic times, the matinee is the only way to go. I paid $5.25. (But then dropped an additional $8.50 on a pop and pretzel bites. D'oh!)

And if it sounds like I have built it up too much, I can assure you I have not.

It doesn't match.

I have a real big problem with the match.com commercials in which the woman riding a horse says that she is "just a goof looking for her ball". Now, I'm not sure if they were going for the obvious anatomical reference to "ball" here or not. I get the term goofball and I know what they were trying to do with the play on the word, but they failed. Hard.

It's like saying, "I'm just an idi looking for my ot".

I hate it.

My 25 things.

Here are my 25 Things. I don’t want to post it on Facebook because I think there are too many people from high school who I wasn’t really friends with back then who have wanted dirt on me for the last 16 years. So to spite them, I am only posting it on my blog for you, my faithful readers. The majority of whom I’ve never met. Don’t argue with me on the logic – it makes perfect sense.

1. I do not understand people’s addiction to chocolate.
2. I like to clean my ears and look at the gunk on the Q-tip.
3. I am relatively bitter about being an only child. And I’m thankful to have married into a large family.
4. As much as I want to be a Mom, I’m scared that I won’t do it right.
5. My fear of mayonnaise goes back to when I was 4 years old and would not eat the egg salad sandwiches my daycare served for lunch. Naptime was after lunchtime and they wouldn’t let me take a nap unless I ate my sandwich. I very distinctly remember sitting in the dark by myself with an egg salad sandwich staring at me. To this day, I don’t want the stuff anywhere near me.
6. I’ve loved David Letterman for about 15 years after I read an article that said women found him sexually attractive. I tuned in one night to see what they were talking about and found him hilarious. I’ve been a fan ever since. And I still can’t believe I sat in the FRONT ROW of his show!
7. I wish I had spent more time with my Dad’s side of the family growing up. They are very funny people whose company I really enjoy.
8. I regret not ever living outside of Ohio.
9. I love television.
10. Whenever I need to be creative, I get out a pencil and paper and write down ideas. I don’t feel I can be creative on a computer or with a pen.
11. My husband and I were set up on a date and I think it’s cool that we both remember the details of that evening very well.
12. I like it when people think I’m funny.
13. I went to 3 colleges and still graduated in 4 years.
14. I love the dictionary.
15. If there were only five foods I had to eat the rest of my life, they would be: cheese, crackers, beefstick, grapes and gummi bears. And water to drink.
16. I like winter better than summer. Fall is my favorite time of year.
17. I almost always fall asleep when we watch a movie at home.
18. I am indecisive to a fault. I will probably think of 18 things I should have said instead once I finish this.
19. I am on a perpetual hunt for the perfect pair of jeans and sunglasses.
20. I have always liked my body, but there are a lot of things I would change about my face.
21. I lose it when people chew popcorn loudly at movies. I have to sit in the very back row to make sure no one sits behind me and chews in my ear.
22. I feel my life will not be complete if I don’t catch a foul ball at a Detroit Tigers baseball game before I pass.
23. I’m married to the smartest man in the world who can fix anything. And everyday I am grateful that I met him.
24. My Mom always told me that it’s not always about being popular, it’s about making sure that you’re nice to everyone. That wisdom has served me well.
25. I love immediate gratification.

Dear Mike,

Although I am an only child who has always hoped (and still do) for a brother or sister, I promise you this will not be me:

"Suleman (the Mom of the woman who had 14 kids) suspects that Nadya (the woman who had 14 kids), a divorced single mom who conceived all of her kids via in vitro fertilization, took such a drastic step to compensate for being an only child. "She was always upset about not having brothers and sisters," says Suleman, who previously questioned Nadya's decision making. "

I love you more than that. And will set aside my own sibling-less issues because I don't believe that having 14 kids is the answer. While I agree and understand her perspective, I'm pretty sure having 2 (aka, more than one) kids would solve that only child predicament. Maybe I'm just better at math than she is?

Love,
Michelle.

Ding Dong, HGTV calling! (Or at least they should.)

The final stage of the not exactly extreme house makeover was completed this morning. Please stay tuned for photos. I don't have many 'before' photos, but the 'after' photos will blow your mind. I suppose it blows my mind more because I live there everyday, but I'm telling you, the place looks amazing!

I will post photos soon and then I will regale you with a story about a new console table for our living room. You won't want to miss this!

Under construction.

It's an exciting time around the D household. We have many home improvement projects in the works, which is excellent for a HGTV-loving (read: obsessed) woman such as myself.

• This week we got our basement ceiling drywalled so that we can have a finished basement. I've always wanted one of those. I will probably only go down there to play the Wii or to lose at darts, but it's nice to have nonetheless.

• Then in early February we are getting our fireplace tiled. This is project that we are doing out of necessity thanks to a lovely fire in the fireplace that went wrong. Way wrong. Like, burning log fell OUT OF THE FIREPLACE and onto the what-we-thought-was-marble-but-turned-out-to-be-not-marble-because-it-burned wrong. Thanks to some quick moves by my husband who ripped off and sacrificed his sweatshirt to smother the flames, the fire didn't extend to the new carpet we have in the family room. That would have made me flaming angry. (sorry.) So we have a toasted not-marble hearth that needs removed and we are putting tile in its place.
  
• And we're getting new carpet in 2 of the bedrooms, including the master boudoir. Nothing turns me on more than new carpet smell.

Everything should be done by early February. It's so fun. I could home improve until we ended up in the Poor House. And even then, I would probably want to redo the Poor House.

I would invite you over to see all of our improvements and enjoy a glass of wine, but you'd probably spill it on our new carpet, so I'll just post pics instead.

Suze Orman would be proud.

In these tough economic times, it's wise to know just how much you owe people out there. By people, I mean creditors. I admit, I was one who would open a credit card at a store to save the extra 10% on my purchases that day. But then I would never use the card again. BUT, I also never canceled the card. Not a good idea. Luckily I carried zero balances on almost all of those cards, but to those who you may be asking to give you a loan, it don't look good.

So my husband ran credit reports for us both. Not on F-R-E-E, that spells free, credit report.com, baby but on A-N-N-U-A-L credit report.com, tootse. Go here if you want one. Apparently Free Credit Report.com, while darn catchy and fun, charges your credit card for using them. WTF!? Annual Credit Report does nothing of the sort for your basic credit report. Like, where do you have cards to, when did you open it, what's your balance, what's the amount of your last payment, and the date the card was last used.

I guess somewhere along the line I had opened about 17 credit cards. Yowza! Some of those were for furniture that I bought and had financed or for my car or for my freakin basement waterproofing, things of that nature. So they weren't ALL The Limited-type cards. But a decent amount of them were. We are considering refinancing our house and in order to show them that I'm not going on some crazy shopping spree at Lerner (which isn't even called that anymore!), I canceled them. And even if we weren't thinking about refinancing, they needed to be closed. I never used them. Now I only have one general credit card - it's recommended that you keep open the card you have had the longest to show that you have established credit.

I think it took all of a half an hour to close them. It was so easy! Once you finally get to talk to someone and they try to throw coupons and discounts at you to try and keep you and you politely decline (although you desperately would love to have 30% off a new outfit) , it takes them all of 25 seconds to close your account. But then it takes 30 days for notice of the closing to be sent to creditors and show up on your report. It was time well spent.

This is just my public service announcement to all of you who may be in the same situation. It's something to think about doing and really it takes little to no effort at all.

No ceramic goose for my Grandma!

In the past I've mentioned my 82-year-old Grandma and how small and feisty and hilarious she is, but I don't think I've mentioned how VERY politically opinionated she is. Behold the doormat on her front porch:

This was a Christmas gift she bought herself. A CHRISTMAS gift, NOT a 'Holiday' gift, she was careful to point out. For those of you not aware, this is Bill O'Reilly's (from FOX News) "catchphrase". My Grandma loves this man and wants all who visit her to know it. In normal conversation, she's not overly aggressive with her political views but you certainly don't want to enter into a discussion with her if you take the opposing side. She and my Dad got into some pretty hairy debates before the election.

Some may agree with her, some may not. But I think it's pretty cool that she is as informed and 'with it' as she is.

This is one Grandma who won't be shopping at the local craft store for a Christmas dress for her porch goose. This decor is more her style.

Unbalanced.

Over my Christmas break, I was diagnosed with Small Ear Lobe syndrome. A problem that has resulted in tear in my pierced left ear. It's a woe that I've lived with for the last 10 years or so. It's prevented me from wearing any earrings heavier than a small post and I've worn the same ones every day for the last 10 years. I even wore the few cute clip-ons they make for ladies under 60. Trust me, I've searched far and wide, they are hard to come by. (The best place to find some - Francesca's.) I even tried the stickers that Turtle Parade got for me, they worked pretty well, but I can't wear them forever. So I decided to have surgery to fix the problem.

Did I need the surgery? Probably not. Am I tired of wearing the same earrings every day for 10 years? Hell yes! Do I think people are tired of seeing me wear the same earrings every day for 10 years? I'm sure of it. Do I really think people care what earrings I wear? Duh, of course they do.

Ultimately, what it comes down to, I am bored. And insurance covered it.

So the day after Christmas, I went under the knife. The procedure took all of 30 minutes. They gave me the option of being put under or getting a local. Being such a tough cookie, I went with the local. (Please. I knew why I was there, I wasn't receiving anything serious. The 3 needle pricks in my ear were my punishment for having this self-fulfilling surgery.) They sliced all the way through the hole in my ear and then sewed it back up with 3 stitches. After a few months, I'll have to get it repierced, this time only higher up on my small lobe. And a few months after that, I can wear cute and fun earrings like all of you with healthy, well-pierced ears.

In the meantime, however, I will be wearing one earring. It doesn't feel right not to wear any. So I wear one in my right ear. My hair covers up my left ear pretty well, so you really can't tell, but I do feel slightly off balance. It's totally worth it.

January.

Boy, you give a girl 12 days off and she forgets all semblance of real life.

I resolve to be bloggier in 2009.

Happy New Year everyone!

December.

There's just so much I love about this month. The snow, the warm and happy feelings, being with family, fireplaces, coffee and hot chocolate, all the Christmas activities including the tree, the lights, the gift wrapping, etc...

Another one of my favorite traditions is shopping in Columbus with my Mom. As avid shoppers, we do it this time every year. It's a nice mother-daughter tradition to throw ourselves in with the not-quite last-minute crazies. Perhaps that makes us crazies too? And somehow we always manage to go to Easton (the outdoor mall) on thee coldest day of the year. We'll be there on Monday, I haven't seen the forecast but I'm guessing it'll be 15 degrees and snowy.

But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Can't think of a subject, can't think of a title.

As I usually do when I can't think of anything to write about, I'm going to give some short quick quips on recent events:

• We saw the Twilight movie. I didn't love it. It counted on you knowing the book (which I've read) and I thought it moved too fast through some of the scenes without giving enough substance to them. I also didn't appreciate the teenagers in the theater. The kid sitting behind us actually took a phone call in the middle of the movie and was loudly explaining to his friend how his girlfriend thought he was cheating on her and how she ruined their anniversary because of it. Although, I'm pretty sure he was getting 'serviced' later on. So I guess they made up.



• Got our Christmas tree! And we put it up last night. I love that smell SO MUCH! I could sit in front of it all day and sniff it. There's just no replacement for that smell. Those silly poser air fresheners don't even come close.



• I'm finding it very difficult to concentrate lately. I've been ignoring my alarm - it goes off about 8 times (no joke) - and waking up late almost every day. My day usually starts with me saying, "Oh shit, it's 7:40!". I've just been out of it. And too tired to care. (Hence the bullet points.) Not sure what the deal is?

• I'm taking an exercise class twice a week. It's called Total Body Conditioning or something like that. What it should be called is, "You're really out of shape Michelle and should be totally embarrassed. Now do 20 more squats!" But I'm really enjoying it. There's only one other lady in the class so it's like I have my own personal trainer.



• I got my hair cut yesterday. I was feeling adventurous and thought that cutting bangs would be wacky fun... turns out, it wasn't. I look ridiculous. Even more so because I will be spending the next 3 weeks pushing the hair out of my eyes until they grow out. I left the salon looking like a 40-year-old soccer mom instead of 30-year-old woman with no kids who knows very little about soccer. Stupid, stupid, stupid. We're supposed to have photos taken on Saturday. Why I chose to make this huge decision before photo day takes me back to fourth grade Perms Gone Bad photos. I haven't learned a thing.


• Jay Leno is a pompous ass. I cannot believe he is doing a show at 10 p.m. before Conan when Conan assumes the Late Night spot next year. Conan has waited 5 years for this and now he's still following behind him. Conan has earned the right to prove himself, he doesn't need you to be his lead-in. Although he's not allowed to say it, I bet he is pissed. I am.


• On a more serious note, my sister-in-law is having the worst 2008. She's the type that is always laughing, always having a good time, so it's really hard to hear that she's sad and not herself. I'm sure she would appreciate a kind thought.

Thank you.

Well friends, our office is closed until Monday and we are heading to Evansville to celebrate the wonderfully delicious and heartwarming Thanskgiving holiday. So I'd like to wish you and yours and very Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for so many things, it brings tears to my eyes to think about them. So I am thankful for Thanksgiving, because it's a day to reflect on just how lucky I am.

(I think we can all be thankful for the low gas prices this year, especially those of us who are traveling. Safe travels everyone!)

A hand model I shall not be.

The only thing I don't like about this time of year is the way that it completely dries out my hands. They are dry to the point of painful. Complete with cracking and bleeding and snagging on wool objects. It's uber attractive.

I'm convinced that there isn't a lotion out there that will help. Sure there are some decent ones on the market, but they all seem to be dirt magnets. Within hours, I feel like every particle of dirt floating around the atmosphere has attached itself to the lotion on my hands. So I go and wash them, thus removing the lotion and putting me right back where I started. In pain. It's a disappointing cycle, so I usually just suffer in silence. I'm quite the martyr.

What's even more unfair is that my husband has hands like babies' butts. They are quite possibly the softest hands in all of North America. Definitely softer than 99.9% of men and probably softer than 95% of women. And that's without a lick of lotion! I don't get it.

So those hands that you see modeling beautiful jewelry in magazines or perfectly pointing out products on the Price is Right, ain't mine.

Older and wiser and good at telling people what to do.

Although I work in higher education, I've never been directly involved with the lives of students. I'm more in the business of telling students where to go, and less of how I can help them get there. So I was caught off guard the other week when my 18-year-old cousin, who is a freshman in college, asked for my advice as to what I think she should major in. She is currently undecided but, I get the impression, desperately seeking to choose something. I was flattered that she values my opinion of what I think she should choose to do for the rest of her life. It also gave me a strange sense of power. Now, I certainly am not pompous or naive enough to believe that she will choose to do exactly what I say, but it was an honor just being nominated.

Perhaps she asked me because I'm the only member of my Mom's side of the family to graduate from a four-year school? (Although her older sister will be graduating from one next semester. It's taken her a little longer than most, but that's cool, she's finishing, that's all that matters.) Perhaps she asked me because she thinks I have done ok in life? I don't exactly know, but I think she thought twice about asking me when I encouraged her to look into gerontology.

My reasons are this: She has always been great with my grandma. When sometimes, my cousins and I feel uncomfortable around her because she's getting older and more fraille and harder to talk to, this cousin will call her on the phone or sit by her on the couch and chat about how things are going. She's the same way with my great aunt who is around 85. She just has that gift. And I don't think many people do. Plus, she loves History, so she likes old things.

I'm pretty sure it was a less sexy suggestion than she was looking for, but I truly believe she would be good at it. At a family gathering last night, she asked me if I had given any more thought to what I think she should do. I again pushed my agenda and we got out the laptop so I could prove to her that gerontology is more than your general nursing home unpleasantries. She didn't seem any more convinced. We looked at a few other options of which she would probably be good at, but I can just see her doing this. I want her to do it.

She asked for it. And I'm not giving up!

Deep Thoughts.

I've decided to get a tattoo.

I'd like to get a tattoo of the inside of my body all over the outside of my body. With complete anatomical correctness.

This way, everyone can truly love me for who I am on the inside.

This is an issue I feel strongly about.

Isn't this refreshing and atypical?

From a PEOPLE magazine (I know, the preeminent source for all political news) article with Carrie Underwood.

"There is someone I do support, but I don't support publicly," the country star tells TV Guide in its Nov. 10 issue.

And she thinks other stars should keep their lips zipped on their political picks: "I lose all respect for celebrities when they back a candidate." Underwood says voters should make up their own minds. "It's saying that the American public isn't smart enough to make their own decisions," she says. "I would never want anybody to vote for anything or anybody just because I told them to."

.....

NEXT ELECTION:
Issue 88. Do you support the efforts of celebrities to push their political views and agendas in any medium they deem necessary (i.e. movies, interviews about movies, interviews about television shows, newspaper ads, newspaper articles, fundraising telethons, Wednesday afternoons) to the lowly general public?

A vote YES will allow celebrities to remind you that you are a poor Nobody with little to no political prowess who is simply voting the way they vote because you like their movies or their fashion sense.

A vote NO will allow you to continue to make up your own mind by doing your own research and figuring out what you believe in and ultimately reminding celebrities that their political affiliation means bupkus in your voting behavior.

What say you?

Flower Child.

Tess wanted me to share her first Halloween photo with you.


This almost makes me rethink my stance on Halloween. If everyone had to wear this costume, then I'd be down. She isn't trying to scare me or take all of my candy, she just wants the world to enjoy her cuteness.

Personally I find the caterpillars on the leaves a bit frightening. What's with the big smiles? What are they so happy about? Clearly they are on drugs and are not to be trusted.

There are days I like better.

Ah yes, today is Halloween. What once was a time for candy and pumpkins and ghosts and Charles Schulz, 'tis now a time for the mousy girl in your office to dress like a slutty nun. Or a slutty doctor. Or a slutty cheerleader. Or a slutty Dutch girl. Or a slutty police officer. Or a slutty witch. Or a slutty school girl. Or a slutty vice presidential candidate (tell me there weren't be one (or 8 million) of those this year). Or a slutty cat. Or a slutty Olympic swimmer. Or a slutty superhero. Or a slutty devil. Or a slutty baby. Or a slutty prostitute (huh?). Or a slutty candy passer outer. Or a slutty mousy girl from your office.

Here's to hoping you all are more creative with your costumes this year.

I will be in my house. With the doors locked. With the outside lights off and all of the inside lights ON, watching happy movies that won't make me pee my pants or wake up my husband every 6 seconds because I think someone is standing in the bedroom doorway with a meat clever waiting to steal me and throw me into a well in their basement with my dog and feeding me by sending food down in a bucket, with lotion too, eventually hoping to skin me and then wear it. All while wearing a dress and lipstick and tucking things in certain places.

But I hope you all enjoy the day!

Happy Halloween.

Where have I been?

Ugh, I've been in my head, that's where. Trying to think of fun and witty things to write. I think about it so much that I am unable to produce anything worthy of my blog list members' attention. You deserve better.

I need to get out of this place (my head). Perhaps it's time for another vacation?