Photo Parade: Superhero.

This is Nora.

Nora is a superhero because she single-handedly made me a dog person. Prior to meeting her, I didn't much care for them. But this little punkin has changed my mind forever. Of little dogs, anyway. I'm still searching deep within to love big dogs.

Wherever there is danger of someone not liking dogs, she will be there. She'll even drive herself there.

Photo Parade: Excitement.

You want excitement? Well, here it is.

Our 'audience upgrade' tickets. Front row. Booyah.

Note to my new niece, Tess:

I'm so very excited you are here! Please do not get me wrong, I mean no disrespect to those that came before you. You have five D cousins that are fantastic people. I adore them. You will love them. (You've got a boatload more on your mom's side. I've never met them, but I hear they're cool.) And I love that when I married your uncle MD, I got to become an instant aunt. But I wasn't around when they were born. Being an only child, I won't ever get the thrill of hearing my brother or sister tell me they are pregnant or calling me at 12:30 a.m. to tell me they just had a baby. So your birth is as close as it will get and it's very special to me. MD is the youngest of four, and your older aunt and uncle are done having babies, so your mom and dad were my only chance to get this excitement. It's hard to explain, but it's awesome. I even demanded that my friends and co-workers refer to me only as Aunt Michelle the days after you were born. I really did. What can I say, I am proud.

Until I married your uncle, I didn't know what a big family was like. But it didn't take long to figure it out. Big families are amazing. And loud. And this one is pretty great. And your parents are two of my favorite people that I've ever met, and I'd say that even if we weren't related. You are lucky. They are funny and sweet and loving and they know how to have fun. Your dad makes awesome homemade biscuits and your mom is the easiest person in the world to get along with. And they really love each other. Plus, you get to live near Chicago and your mom can navigate those streets and the train system with the best of them. Make her take you there often. And slyly say, "maybe Aunt Michelle would like to go shopping downtown with us? Let's call her to visit." I'll be on the next Megabus.

You and I are the newest members of the D family. So I promise to show you the ropes and I will try not to exert my seniority over you as much as possible. But the minute one of your cousins brushes your hair over mine, I'm gonna have to pull rank and shut you down. Perhaps, you'll be able to do that to your brother or sister or my kids someday, but that is all. I am exactly 30 years and one month older than you, let's not forget that... um, maybe we should forget that... I am exactly 25 years and one month older than you. That's what you will tell people.

You have made your parents very happy already. Your uncle and I cannot wait to meet you and see what a lovely little family the three of you are. I'm sorry, the four of you. I'm sure Lucy can't wait to meet you either. She's heard a lot about you these last nine months, and she wants to know what all the hype is about.

Thank you for allowing me to see what it's like to become an "official" aunt. I've enjoyed it immensely. To steal a phrase from my good friend K, who is an old pro at being an aunt, I am happy you were born.

Love,
Aunt Michelle

...Theyhadababyit'sagirl!

Last night a new little D was born! A girl. She was born at 9:24 Chicago time. 7 pounds, 20 inches long. With a full head of dark hair. They haven't decided on name just yet. She sounds fantastic already. I like her.

I cannot wait to meet her!

Name update: Therese Marian. Tess for short.

Ooh, Tiny you were so close on the date. But not the gender. Good guess.

It's no foul ball, but I'll take it!

Thanks to MD for being the employee of the month (yay!), we got VIP tickets to the Tigers game this weekend. VIP meaning 4 rows behind the Tigers dugout! We might as well have been in the dugout. We also got a free parking pass to one of the VIP parking areas. Unbeknownst to us, they apparently like to put VIPs on television...

That's us on FSN Detroit! In the middle of the eighth inning. Clear as day. Looking like a bunch of VIPs. My dad called us right afterward and said that we just had our 15 seconds of fame. Tiny totally saw us too. Thank goodness MD had the foresight to tape the game so I could watch it 18 times on the DVR. I just think it's hilarious! I mean, we were two of 42,000 people!

And this comes almost a year to the day after we were on tv sitting in the front row at the Late Show. That's pretty incredible. Next stop, Hollywood.

My List. 49-26.

Ok, back to our regularly scheduled program:

49. Having the whole bar get quiet when my college friends and I would loudly sing "Like a Prayer" nearly every weekend.
48. Calling everyone we know telling them about our engagement. And the way his brother made me cry. And seeing MD cry because I was crying.
47. Waiting with Sarah for two hours to touch a dolphin at the dolphin pool at Sea World.
46. Watching the Wizard of Oz every year with my dad, cousin and uncle. My cousin and I would always leave the room when the Wicked Witch of the West was on. And we would beg my uncle to do his spot-on impression of the Lion.
45. The first time I got flowers at work.
44. Having the cool mom who always made blue Kool-aid for our summer softball games and always had the new, fun snacks.
43. Seeing Jerry Seinfeld. Twice.
42. My Slip 'n Slide in our backyard.
41. The hot dogs at Tigers games.
40. Playing the piano every Christmas. The same 10 songs.
39. The Hoopla dance my cousin and I made up and always performed for the whole family.
38. Nora.
37. Asking my parents to move their cars out of the garage so I could roller skate on the smooth surface while listening to all the great 80's music.
36. The smell of Fall in Northwest Ohio.
35. The matron of honor and best men speeches at our wedding.
34. Chicago, New York City, Boston, Denver and the feeling I get when being in a big city.
33. Being invited to the Young Writer's Workshop in third grade.
32. Sarah and I laughing about nothing for hours.
31. My first taste of Pinot Grigio on my 23rd birthday.
30. The home movies from when I was a baby that my dad had converted onto dvd. (They were old projector film that we used to watch on a large pull-out screen in our living room.)
29. My fantastic 30th birthday parties and all the love that went into planning them.
28. Learning to ride my pink Huffy bike without training wheels. My dad letting go without me knowing it and hearing him yell excitedly, "You're doing it, you're doing it!" as I got further and further away.
27. Picking my lip.
26. The day I won 4 tickets to the Late Show with David Letterman.

My list 74-50.
My list 100-75.

baby pool.

My sister-in-law is due July 25 with her first baby. They don't know if it's a boy or a girl. We had a shower for them over the weekend and she doesn't think there is any way she'll make it to the 25th. Which means it could be any day now! I've always enjoyed trying to guess things. Like guessing lottery numbers right before they announce them on tv and guessing the exact time I think we'll pull into the driveway after a long trip, so I'd like to make a game out of this joyous occasion. Since it's on my blog, it will be in print and official. So when I'm right, I'll have my blog as proof and y'all as my witnesses.

Here's what I predict:
The baby will be born on JULY 18 and it will be a BOY.

If you think you're a good guesser too, feel free to play along. I'd love to hear people's thoughts on the pregnancy of a woman they don't know of a baby they'll never meet.

Life with a tween.

Day #1: So far, so good. She's really adorable and pretty mature for her age, she seems so much older than 12. And she couldn't be more thrilled to be spending the week with us. She told me she was just happy that we even asked her to come, that we liked her so much that we want to spend time with her. That made my heart smile. What a sweetie. Here's what I've learned so far:

• Hannah Montana is for 4 or 5 year olds. Certainly NOT for 12 year olds.
• 12-year-olds love to read. And they like big, thick books. Even non-Harry Potter books.
• Cell phones must have a texting plan.
• Even tweens love shoes and shoe shopping.
• Tweens are more "developed" than 30 year-olds nowadays. (Which doesn't take much, let's be clear. But, boy, what a depressing realization. Most of my week will be spent stuffing to make sure everyone knows I'm the adult.)
• 12-year-olds really are aware of what's going on. They aren't stupid.
• They also don't mind being told to 'shut up'. We didn't tell her to shut up, of course, but she said we could if we thought she was talking too much. (What a different world this would be if only that offer applied to everyone.)

I think I will totally learn more from her than she will from me.

Flashback: July 3, 2007

One year ago today, a magical event took place. It was a day I had dreamt about for more than a decade. It was most certainly a day of ups and downs for my emotions, however. But in the end, it will go down as one of my most exciting days ever. Read all about it here.

Blog monkeys, blog.

I hope everyone knows how much I enjoy reading their blogs. I don't know if you can tell how many people are looking at your blog on Blogger, but if yours is an inordinately high number, I bet it's because of me. It's almost like a tick, I don't even realize I'm doing it. Like every 5 minutes I think, "Surely someone blogged recently." or "I bet someone has left a comment on someone's blog in the time that it took me to type that email." Then I proceed to check all the ones I have saved in my favorites. In my head, people are just sitting at their computers typing away for my enjoyment. You are all my monkeys.

I thank you and curse you all for being so entertaining.

(I'm totally going to run through my list now. Do not disappoint me.)

Having kids is a cinch.

Our niece is coming to stay with us next week. She's 12. We asked MD's sister for a list of food that she likes so we can stock up. Here's what we were told:

BREAKFAST:
strawberry pop tarts!!!!
pancakes (walmart has some already made in the freezer section) They are good!
bagels and cream cheese
blueberry muffins

She knows how to cook and use a stove

LUNCH:
frozen Jack's pizza
pizza bites
deli sliced turkey meat to make sandwiches Walmart- Sun Dried Tomato turkey breast
chips- Cool ranch Doritos, honey BBQ frito, chili chees fritos
hot dogs & Mac-n-cheese
chicken & noodle soup
tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwich

SNACKS:
micro popcorn
oreo
pop sicles
frozen grapes -red

DRINK:
Mt Dew
ice tea
milk skim milk (she says Deans)
chocolate milk made with choc syrup
h2o
kool Aid-Cherry or lemonade

Ah yes, we should get along famously. I'm pretty sure 90% of these things are in our pantry right this very moment. This will be a piece of cake. Of pancake, that is. The frozen kind. From Wal-mart.

Thanks-giving Day.

This past weekend went by without even so much as a mention of my birthday. In fact, my Dad said, "I don't even want to hear about your birthday anymore." Boy. Who says only children are spoiled? My own Dad is over me. Aside from that disappointment, it was still an awesome weekend.

As a thank you to my parents for our lovely and fabulous wedding, MD and I planned a day of fun for them. A day of fun which included lunch at the infamous Pappy's, gambling at Greektown and a Tigers game. All funded by us. They spent a pretty penny on the wedding, the least we could do was buy them a foam finger in the shape of a tiger's claw. We're generous like that.

Not wanting a repeat of last year's debacle, we crossed our fingers that all four tires would be healthy. (I can happily report that everything went swimmingly.) We left super early to avoid the ubiquitous construction and arrived in record time and had lunch. Then we made our way over to the casino where MD and I double handedly brought down Greektown. (They might write a book and make a movie about us.) Not only did we scam them for free parking because we left our car there to avoid paying $20 at the game, but we walked away from the Blackjack table with about $120 in winnings. Suckers! I'm sure they are still feeling the hit from that.

The game was a lot of fun. It was super sunny for a while, but we were prepared for a downpour, so I guess the sun in our eyes was welcome. We got to see a grand slam home run, right before our very eyes! Luckily, it was in the Tigers favor. Tigers were up 5-2. We left at the top of the 7th when we saw that the security guards had changed into full yellow rainsuits. They obviously knew something was coming. We're no dummies, we can take a hint. While listening to the game on the radio in the car, my hatred for Todd Jones continued when he blew their lead in the 8th inning. Ooh, that guy burns me up! The good guys were down 6-5. Until the bottom of the 9th. The team rallied in the bottom of the 9th to pull out a 7-6 victory with a clutch walk-off hit! The radio announcer was yelling so much we all couldn't help but be excited. I'd like to think it was the team's way of saying "F you, Todd Jones! We are going to win this in spite of your shitty pitching." And win they did.

It was a great day. Although, I don't think my parents took full advantage of our generosity. We were prepared to pump them silly with hot dogs and beer. Especially after our big win! But no, they were just happy to spend the day with us. The hot dogs were simply a bonus. They thanked us profusely for everything. Which we, in turn, thanked them. And said the next time they want to spend thousands of dollars on us, we would be more than happy to fund another day of fun. After a stop at Greektown, of course.

Note to the kids: When you are patting yourselves on the back for being up $55 after a day of fun, remember to come to a complete stop at all stop signs, because it's amazing how quickly you can be DOWN. Luckily this was a lesson we didn't have to learn the hard way.

Yes, I did it again. Oops.

Ok, I am officially officially changing my name (again) that will appear in the finest comment sections on Blogger. I will heretofrom be known as Mickey D. No more Mrs. D. Although I still am Mrs. D., I think Mickey D. is super cute and incorporates the one and only nickname I've ever had and my new official latter moniker. Tres cute, right?! It's the name I wished I had thought of 2 years ago when I started this. I hope I don't confuse anyone. That certainly is not my intention. I only intend to make you laugh a little, cry a little and think even less with my witty blogger comments.

I do solemnly swear to keep this name (Mickey D.) from here on out. I'm sure I've already lost some people with my constant blog title changes, blog look changes and blog name changes. I can barely follow me, so it amazes me that some of you can. But thank you for putting up my indecisiveness.

I'm also gonna have a new little photo thingy. It'll look like this...



Get it?

I am 30 + one week.

What's better than having a fabulous birthday party for your 30th birthday?... Having a second fabulous birthday party for your 30th birthday the following weekend!

I got to celebrate being 30 one more time. MD and my parents sneakily collaborated and threw me a surprise birthday party on Saturday. I certainly wasn't expecting another one, but I would never say no to a party! This time, my whole family was there. Both sides of my family. Just like my birthday parties used to be back in the day. It was so great! I definitely cried.

After having been lied to numerous times by numerous people, I walked into the bar to see 30 people dressed in white t-shirts that my Mom had gotten made that said, "Michelle is XXX ... holy crap, she's 30!" Even those without a sense of humor would find the hilarity in seeing my 80+ grandma and great aunt wearing a "holy crap" t-shirt. It really doesn't get much funnier than that.

Thank you to my husband who really is amazing and thoughtful, and one hell of a party planner! (I love that guy.) And thank you to my friends who came to celebrate my birthday yet again. I am still humbled that some of you showed up two weekends in a row. That's awfully fantastic.

I'm pretty sure everyone is over my birthday at this point, but for those who aren't, lemme know how you want to celebrate my birthday next weekend!


Oh, Two Pretzels, I loved the invite you designed! Thank you for having a part in this! And for lying to me as well.

Sometimes I make myself LOL.

When people who need to wear glasses take them off, can they smell things better?

First post in my 30's!

Well, it happened. I turned 30. I am 30. I tell ya, it would have been a lot harder to be 30 had it not been for my wonderful husband and hilarious friends. My birthday celebration was entirely too much fun. The evening started off with our own personal wine/beer tasting at The Vineyard. Then the limo(!) picked us up there and we headed to Poco Piatti for dinner. What a lovely little place that was. With lovely little food and lovely amounts of booze. After that we drove around in the limo and hit some of our favorite hot spots. Dale's, of course. Then Bar Louie. Then Will the limo driver took us home and my husband had to check my pulse. And A. ate all my nachos.

I am so thankful to everyone for making my 30th so memorable. I could not think of a finer way to ring in my 30's than with good friends, good food, good drinks and so many laughs. I love you all.

And thank you to Turtle Parade for being camera-obsessed and taking so many pictures! Some of which I will share and some of which I shall not.

Group shot at Poco Piatti. I love birthdays!


For some reason, we all just happened to have our mouths wide open in this picture? No idea why, but we thought it was funny.

Here I am letting everyone know how old I am.

I would like everyone to know that my dress had pockets which I thought was super cute. I did NOT think it was super cute that the limo driver kept shutting the door on me (on accident) every time I tried to get out of the limo. And I really didn't think it was cute when I told him to stop it but then C. would run around and do it himself because he thought it was hilarious. This happened at least 4 times.

For my gifts I got the beautiful Tiffany necklace that we picked out in Vegas. And in August, MD and I are going to see my new best friend, Chelsea Handler, in Michigan. Nora was also kind enough to get me Chelsea's two books. I've already finished them both. I think that broad is hilarious! I cannot wait to hear her stand-up.

Yay! Happy Birthday to me!

This is the last post I will ever write in my 20's.

(I don't see nothing wrong with a little overdramatics.)

I wanted to be the first to wish you and yours the happiest of Flag Days. It's not until Saturday, but I believe it's never too early to extend kind wishes upon friends. That's just the way I live my life.

I will be sure to post the wild goings-on from my 30th birthday hoopla taking place this weekend. Tune in next week if you think you can handle it.

Bon voyage 20's! I've enjoyed you. You've been ripe with love, grief, surprises, unpleasantries and countless bottles of wine. I shall miss you, but will look upon you with favor.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Cleaningwoman.

The following two post-it notes were on my desk when I came into work this morning...




In case you can't read them, this very nice woman Alicia was vacuuming the office last night and unfortunately had some issues with a pair of socks that I had on my floor. One sock in particular was giving her troubles and she wanted to let me know she was sorry that it kept getting caught in the vacuum cleaner. She also wanted to introduce herself and wanted to let me know just which sock had the unfortunate luck of being sucked into the vacuum cleaner.

I found it very humorous, very odd, yet very kind.

I apologize to you, Alicia. I shouldn't have left my footwear on the floor. I'm ashamed. Thank you for keeping my office floor clean and honest.

This is it.

This is the last week I will be in my 20's. The phenomenon that was my twenties will be no more.

All I keep thinking is, HOLY CRAP! In fact, on my work calendar, I wrote "Holy crap, my 30th birthday" on June 15. You know, in case I forget. It's just so weird.

I have to share my day with my cousin who has the same birthday (when he's thirty 11 years from now, it can be his day, but for now, it's mine), Fathers everywhere, the aftermath of wild Flag Day celebrations, and my other cousin's graduation party. Boo. And here I was thinking that the world cared that it's my birthday. Nope, it's just going about its business like I'm not even gonna be 30. Whatever, cruel world. What.Ev.

I feel like I need one last hurrah. One last testament that being in your twenties is carefree. Hmm... well, we are contemplating going to a MudHens game tomorrow... I'm envisioning hot dogs, lots of beer, clothing removal, running, turf between my toes, and an arrest. That would really cap off this crazy ride.

My List. 74-50.

74. New Year's Eve 1999 and the eye patch I thought I would have to wear to ring in the new Millenium.
73. Vegas.
72. Walking into my first house and knowing that I bought it all by myself.
71. My first day of my first job out of college at The Toledo Zoo.
70. Hawaii, on the last night of our honeymoon.
69. Ice skating with my whole family on the river behind my Grandparent's house.
68. Ho-ho cake.
67. Finally passing my driver's test after 3 tries.
66. The first time I got drunk. On screwdrivers. In a trailer.
65. MD reciting his vows to me.
64. Opening my birthday card on my 12th birthday and having 2 New Kids on the Block tickets fall out.
63. Sarah and I getting our braces on the same day, sitting side-by-side.
62. Playing 31 at the holidays.
61. Proudly wearing my turquoise Converse, thinking I was hot stuff.
60. Bagel and Deli. Banana surprise.
59. Going through the entire dark room process of developing film in photography class.
58. My Dad laughing hysterically at the scene in the Money Pit where Tom Hanks falls out the window and gets covered in paint.
57. My tulip garden.
56. Writing for the college newspaper and seeing my name in print.
55. Piano recitals.
54. Chamonix, France.
53. Walking into Kroger on June 15, 1999 and buying my first 6-pack of Bud Ice.
52. Feeding bananas to the giraffes and mints to the rhinos because I made friends with the zookeepers.
51. The way his sister screamed when we told her we were engaged.
50. My proudest moment in college... the time my professor handed my paper back to me and said, "Judging by what you wrote, I can't tell whether you read the assignment or not. And since I can't tell, I had to give you an A. Good job!" I had successfully BS'ed the paper to the point where I was actually making sense.

No Title.

What's more annoying?...

• People who run outside when it's -5 degrees.
• People who run outside when it's 95 degrees.
• People who run.

My List. 100-75.

Here is my list of things that I hope flash before my eyes when the day comes. In no particular order, of course:

100. Playing "Fashion Girls" with my cousins.
99. Hearing my Great Aunt Stella call me "doll".
98. The day we got our first cat, Fluffy.
97. Beating all the boys in the 100-yard dash in elementary school.
96. My Grandma's chicken paprikas.
95. Hearing my Mom laugh hard at something my Dad said.
94. Stealing a lot of make-up from the IGA with my cousin Lexi and not getting caught until weeks later.
93. Sleeping on the floor in my Grandparent's Daytona Beach condo with my family because there weren't nearly enough beds for all of us.
92. Seeing my Dad cry on my last day of high school.
91. Standing in front of the Eiffel Tower. Then going to the very top.
90. Sledding at Fort Meigs on a snow day.
89. My Grandpa yelling "Good catch, Stretch" at all my softball games.
88. The Pemberville Fair and parade.
87. Driving my '89 Honda for the first time.
86. Being the first (along with Sarah) to run through the hoop at our last volleyball game.
85. The numerous shopping trips with my Mom to Cleveland and Columbus.
84. Going to Tiger Stadium for the last time.
83. Dancing on the bar in Daytona on Spring Break in college.
82. My first surprise birthday party for my 22nd birthday.
81. Seeing MD walk through the door at Dale's the first time we met, wearing his light blue shirt.
80. Every year waiting anxiously for my elementary school to post the list on the doors of who was going to be in what class. And my Dad still telling me when they're up now.
79. Never being able to sleep on Christmas Eve.
78. Decorating the Christmas tree while my Mom played her Perry Como records.
77. All the cards I got when I had Mono for 4 weeks in high school.
76. Hanging out with my friends in my driveway until the wee hours the night before I left for college.
75. Giving my Maid of Honor speech at Sarah's wedding.

I enjoyed this. To whomever started this, thanks for allowing me to steal the idea.

He's Sexy.

This late afternoon/early evening I will be going to see the new Sex and the City movie! I cannot wait! And I'm going with my husband. Which I think is pretty damn cool. He's a fan. Although perhaps for different reasons than I? I like the wit and the fashion. He likes the wit and the boobs :)

I can't help but wonder... how many other men will be there? And I wonder how many men would like to be there but won't go for fear of getting razzed by their friends and society and whatnots? Hmm...

I love it!

HGTV executives can stop holding their breath, I will NOT be sending them any hate mail.

I don't have any Before pics, but it looked a lot like this, only white.

See Nora Jean in the bottom corner? She looves the new room. Clearly she has good taste as well.

Adding (non) color to our lives.

It's no secret that I have a love for painting. Not artistically (that's laughable), but painting walls in homes. Well, my homes - I probably wouldn't enjoy it as much painting someone else's walls, it would have to be a really interesting color. The immediate gratification drives me. I just love seeing a room transform within hours and for very little cost. Every wall in my previous home was painted. I have almost every color you can think of in there. Except yellow. Huh, that's odd. My bedroom at my parent's house was painted yellow and I haven't used it anywhere since. Is there some underlying issue there? Perhaps. No use in analyzing that now.

Somehow I got my husband to agree to paint a small wall in the kitchen, it can't even really be considered a wall, it's got a sliding glass door and 2 tall windows on it, Beluga. Yep, Beluga. That's black for all of you non-painties.

We did coat #1 yesterday and I think I like it. I'll have a better idea once we get our new white roman shades up and remove the blue tape. It's definitely different. But I think the white will really stand out once it's all said and done. Plus it's a neutral and it goes well with our black and white (and red sink) kitchen.

And if I don't like it, HGTV will be getting a nasty letter from moi. They have an obligation to not televise the shitty ideas, because people will copy them.

Fug you.

Has everyone been formally introduced to the wonderfully hilarious Go Fug Yourself blog? These two girls, who I would love to be friends with, are hysterical. Their schtick is commenting on what famous people are wearing, and just being snarky. I wish I was half as clever. I'm a loyal reader and I think a lot of you would enjoy their humor as well. It's fashion. It's funny. It's fabulous.

Stop the madness!

$4 a gallon for gas makes me gag. I simply cannot believe it's gotten that high. I would like to thank my husband for having the foresight to purchase a home which is, dare I say, almost unfairly close to both of our workplaces. A home that he purchased even before we got way serious. Good looking out MD!

Forever young.

I think the hardest thing for anybody to see is their parents sick and/or getting older. It's truly terrifying to see my parents getting older. I realize it's something that can't be avoided, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. One of my biggest fears is that they will suffer when they get old. It's hard to see your parents, who always seemed larger than life, looking weak and feeble.

So my Mom tells me last Thursday that she has to go in to see a doctor because she had had a stress test that came back abnormal. She said some other doctor read the results but they wanted her to go back in to make sure it was being read right. That's what she told me. She didn't make it sound like a big deal, just that perhaps the test was read wrong. I realize now that she was telling me that to keep me from worrying.

As it turns out, she went in Friday morning to get the results read, and they found that she had a blockage in one of her arteries. They had to put a stent in to help the blood flow to her heart, which I've read is a pretty common thing, but nothing is "common" when it comes to your own Mom. Your own Mom who is 54 years old, exercises regularly, weighs 125 pounds and who has decent eating habits who is always laughing and full of life. It's incredibly difficult to see her attached to a ridiculous number of colored wires knowing she has to have a foreign object in her body to help her get blood to her heart. Meanwhile she's watching Pretty Woman and complaining that the hospital cable tv doesn't get TLC. She just wanted to watch "What Not To Wear", dammit!

She was released on Saturday and actually feels better already. But I can't help but think one wrong meal and she could end up back in the hospital, only this time with something more serious. I always wonder, what if this? what if that? I worry, it's what I do. And I do it well.

I'm not at all prepared for this. I don't know how you can be.

Right back where I started from.

I'll tell anyone who will listen just how much I enjoyed Vegas. (So if you don't have 30 minutes, don't ask me about it.) Unfortunately for my Mom, she was forced to listen to me over dinner last night.

I was regaling her with stories from our trip, just going on and on about what we did, what we saw, the excitement, the fun, etc. In between bites of her quesadilla, she stops me and chuckles and says, "I gotta tell you... long pause, more chuckling... you were conceived in Vegas!"

And there you have it.

Turns out my parents thoroughly enjoyed Vegas as well.

May 15, 2008

I just noticed today's date. One month from today will be the day after Flag Day.

It will also be the day that I shall become 30.

Oh no you did'nt!

Our flight home from Vegas was definitely an interesting one. There was a 20-something guy sitting a row behind me in the middle seat. He was a somewhat bigger guy. (He was wearing a shirt that said, "I swear to drunk, I am God." That has nothing to do with anything, but it's stupid and I felt it worth mentioning.) An old man comes to his seat in the aisle next to the bigger guy, he puts his bags in the overhead bin and goes to sit down. Then we hear the comment heard around the world. The old man says to the guy in the middle, "You're in my seat... partially."

I swear to drunk, MD's and my face were as wide as could be. We could not believe what we had just heard.

The bigger guy says to the old man, "What the f--- do you want me to do about it?" This started a war of words. Things got ugly. The bigger guy wouldn't let it go. Comments and insults were flying like monkeys. "You're a dick!" "You're big." "You're a dick!" "You're taking up space on my seat." And so on. The old man called the flight attendant over and told her that he had a problem with this kid and explained that he was giving him crap.

Cut to five minutes later and in walks 5 Airport Administration bigwigs. The head bigwig said that if there was a problem, he would remove both of them from the plane. That shut them both up. And the old man said that as long as the kid "stayed" in his seat, there would be no problem.

I didn't dare look back at them after that, but MD and I thought it would be hilarious if the kid fell asleep on the old man's shoulder.

It was unreal. Have you ever seen/heard such a thing?

As requested.

The back of Shaq's head.

A close-up of the back of Shaq's head.


Quite the photog I am, huh?

I'd never make it as a paparazzo.

I left my heart in Las Vegas.

WOW.

We're back. We're back from what is quite possibly one of my favorite vacations ever. I heart Vegas, like, a lot. Like, a lot, a lot. Obviously it's not a boring city, that's been well documented, and we certainly found ways to keep ourselves busy until 4 in the morning (that's 7 a.m. Toledo time for all you geezers) almost every night we were there.

Everyone told me that spending 4 days there would be enough. I disagree. One more would have been nice. It's impossible to take it all in even over 4 days. Although there are many, these are a few highlights:

• Cirque du Soleil's "O'. OMG! This show is one of those things that I will talk about for a long time. I was absolutely in awe of those people. They were catching each other with their feet. Their FEET! Who does that?

• I quite literally almost ran into Shaquille O'Neal. I was taking pictures of a ceiling and he came around the corner and startled me. MD and I chased him out to the street but could only get pictures of the back of his head. Good Lord is he enormous.

• Playing and WINNING at Blackjack! I didn't think I would care about gambling, until I won. In the end, I won about $150 more than I started with. Small potatoes to some, but to me a victory!

• Being drunk on the streets of Vegas with some really good friends at 3:30 in the morning.

• The crepes at the Paris hotel.

• Eating high on the hog at Sensi at the Bellagio.

• Wearing fur coats and hats and doing shots of vodka in a 0 degree room at the Red Square bar.

• Shopping at Tiffany's for my 30th birthday gift!

• Keeping it real and eating at Denny's 3 times.

• Partying at the Palms with our other friends who just happened to be in Vegas at the same time.

• The Miami Vice drink in the large replica of the Eiffel Tower "glass".

• People watching. You really see all kinds in Vegas. ALL KINDS. I bet it's the most demographically diverse population in all the land. I can't tell you how many fanny packs, super mini skirts, Jimmy Choos, implants, and oxygen tanks we encountered.

• "O"

I just loved it there. I would highly suggest going at least once in your life. It's a FANTASTIC spectacle.

Look out Sin City!

Cause we're a' comin'!

OMG, I am way jazzed right now! We leave bright and early at 6 a.m. tomorrow. (who booked that flight?) Don't worry I'm not going to pull any of that "What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas" BS. (I'm sooo over that campaign). In fact, if anyone in my party says that line, I will punch them in the larynx.

I simply cannot wait. I'm waxed and ready to go!

Something tells me that I am going to come back from this trip a whole different person.

I'm going to scream!

I have NO idea what I've done to my blog. And I can't figure out how to get it back. I'm enraged.

Sorry for the hiccup. You'll have to live with it until I get back from vaca so I can figure it out.

Oh, and from now on, I will go by Mrs. D. Look for me in your comments section. I'll still be the same old M, only with newer, more profound sophistication. I've added a pic too, just to show how sophisticated I am.

Waxing poetic.

I got waxed. I paid $30. It wasn't as far "up" as I thought it would be. I feel the $30 is a reflection of my life - it shows that I'm not out of control ($50) and I'm not perfect ($25). There are definitely some improvements that I can make, but overall I'm right in line with where I should be. I encourage all to get a bikini wax to see how you measure "up" in life.

(If this made sense to anyone besides me, congratulations! your mind works in mysterious ways as well.)

City of sequins.

I've been feeling especially tacky lately. And I have these overwhelming desires to take my bra off and throw it at Wayne Newton.

That must mean one of two things, either we're leaving for Vegas soon, or I need to stop eating spicy foods before bedtime.
........

An Ode to Turtle Parade.

Sometimes in life people have best friends. And sometimes those best friends turn 30. And sometimes when that best friend turns 30, you like to say good things about them and your friendship.

It just so happens that my best friend will be 30 tomorrow. So, if I may...

I met my best friend 23 years ago. It was 1985 and we were in the second grade. I have little recollection of the day we officially met, but I like to think we were best friends at first sight. I probably started talking to her because she looked like me and I thought she might be my long-lost sister. Alas, she was not. But a beautiful friendship bloomed anyhow. Together, we endured the trials and tribulations of growing up - tests, boys, puberty, perms, loss of family members, loss of pets, sicknesses, sports, braces, etc. Our friendship even lasted through that black and white striped culotte & necktie outfit with an attached flourescent orange vest she wore in junior high. Only a true friendship could survive the craziness of that outfit. Luckily I liked her for the person she was on the inside.

Our friendship had its ups and downs, mainly because we knew some catty bitches who were jealous of our friendship and tried to break us up. There was one fight our freshman year of high school that nearly threatened to destroy us forever. But the passing of a note at a wrestling match fixed that. I'm proud to say that was the last fight we were ever in.

We continued to be friends even when we separated and went off to college, a time when most people drift apart. It's funny how distance didn't matter with us. We still visited each other and talked on the phone for hours, we still laughed together and got to know each other's college friends. And now that we're both married, still nothing has changed. That's the way we've always been. Our friendship is effortless. We just are.

So if you want to know how I've managed to be friends with someone for SO long, ask yourself this: Would you want to be friends with someone who is so awe-inspiring, who knows who she is, who has an opinion and sticks to it, who is accomplished, who is hilarious and makes you laugh all the time, who lets you complain about silly things, who is beautiful, who is one of the first people you call whether you have good or bad news, who gives great hugs, who makes you feel better when all you want to do is feel sorry for yourself, who you watch stupid movies with and can recall every line together, who has a great family and lets you in it, who is loyal, who is eerily similar to your husband, who gets sick a lot, who you've traveled with to some pretty fantastic places, who you've gotten drunk with more times than you could ever count, who has been with you through every milestone, who has never let you down once in 23 years, who you never seem to run out of things to talk about with, who is the closest thing to a sister you will ever have, and who you know you're going to be friends with the rest of your life?

I certainly would. And I am proud to say that that person is my best friend.

And good God, I'm not even going to try and imagine what my life would have been like without her.

Happy Birthday to my best friend. I love you.
........

Bueller? Bueller?

Last night I had the distinct pleasure of being the guest speaker in a college marketing class. I got to tell all the "kids" about what I do. I've never fancied myself as someone who would enjoy teaching, it's never even been a blip on the career radar, but I have to say I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked it. Before I went, I was terrified. I had visions of the students just staring at me agape, bored to tears. I thought I would burn through my 7-page outline in 10 minutes because I would be so nervous that I would talk really fast. But that wasn't the case - I was there for 2 hours! And I actually knew what I was talking about. 7-page outline be damned! I didn't need it.

Now granted, only 4 kids showed up to the class, but it was a nice jam session between us. I told them things, they told me things and everyone went home a winner.

I don't want to make any career changes just yet, but if I did, I would want to be one of those teachers who encouraged everyone to sit Criss-Cross Applesauce on carpet squares and just rap with me. Very cazh and informal. They'd call me "Teach" and we would joke around and go out for beers after class. We'd discuss the plights of marketing and console each other because others just don't understand us and our desire to market.
........

Sap in aisle 8.

One job I could never have is writing Mother's Day greeting cards. I was bawling in the aisle just reading them yesterday. Perhaps it's because they say things that I could never say to my Mom, but always wish that I could. And maybe because I know that when she reads it, she'll know exactly how I felt picking it out because we both struggle with not being able to communicate our feelings any other way. No one in my very sensitive, emotional family says how they feel because everyone would bust out crying. So to avoid a scene, and actually dealing with our emotions, we let cards do it for us. I'm somewhat ashamed by this. But I'm really good at picking out cards because of it!

Every year I walk to the checkout line with red eyes, sniffly nose and a twinge of guilt.

If you're looking for a really good cry, read some Mother's Day cards for a Mom-To-Be. Whoa. I got one for my sister-in-law who is due in July and I had to pick another one from the stack because the one I was reading got soaked.
........

Au naturale.

Lately I've been wanting to learn more about organic foods and eating healthier. I really struggle when I shop because I don't know if I should be looking for foods that are low fat, low calorie, low sugar, or low carbs. I think the only thing that qualifies in all of those categories is water. And I'm pretty sure you can't build a healthy lifestyle on water only. The body is weird like that. So which one of those is more important? Which one should I be the most concerned with not eating?

Last night I bought some Silk milk (which I've never had. is the vanilla weird?), organic yogurt, organic pita chips, gluten-free waffles (I honestly have NO idea what that means, but they were in the organic section and on sale, so I bought them) and I've eaten organic hamburger by mistake. But it seemed ok. I would love to hear thoughts on the best things to buy whether that be organic or otherwise.

Please share.

Call me Richard Simmons.

Once a year I usually find the motivation to exercise. Last night I found that motivation under the couch. It told me to get off it and do something. I usually listen to it this time of year because I'm tired of feeling like a bloated bubble of holiday treats. Which, let's face it, lasts a lot longer than just the holiday season. I can find plenty of holidays in which treats are plentiful between New Year's and mid-April - Valentine's Day, Easter, my Mom's birthday, my parent's anniversary, my husband's birthday, Thursdays.

So I took a nice jaunt around the neighborhood last night. We live in the perfect subdivision for walking and peering into neighbor's houses, which I rather enjoy doing. I'm not an illegal peeper, I'm just the friendly nosey neighbor who likes to judge your decorating taste and see what you like to watch on tv. Hey, if your door and window are open and you have your lights on at dusk, you're inviting this behavior. Blame yourselves.

And wouldn't you know, I actually feel good today. Between all of the gawking, I almost forgot I was doing something good for my body. Huh. It's amazing what a 30-minute walk can do for a person. Exercise. Who knew?

I need to know.

When you look at my new blog are the words cut off on some of the posts? They are on mine and it's unfortunate. I may have to find a new one. Which stinks, cause I like this one.

inDecision 2008.

I'm in a serious internal struggle right now. I have been indecisive pretty much my entire life. I think? Maybe not. No, I have. This impending 30th whirl around the sun isn't helping because I feel like I have to have things just right for the big day.

Lately, I've been on an quest to find the right hairstyle, the right hair product, the right make up, the right weight, the right skin, the right clothes, the right attitude, the right experiences, the right look of this damn blog. All so when the big day comes, I can take a deep breath and say, "I'm ready".

I've decided this is my issue with turning 30. I've gotten over the fact that some may consider me old. It's not about that. It's about being a full-fledged adult. And I just hope I'm ready. But I don't think I am.

The Power of Swear.

Cuss words carry so much clout. They are the Cher of the English language. They have the power to spelled with the first letter only, followed by crazy symbols or a line. If I were to write, F-- the F--ing F--ers you wouldn't think I meant Find the Foresting Flowers, would you? No, you would know exactly what I said even though I typed ONE letter.

Note this doesn't work with other words. Guess what I'm going to say n--. . . Wrong-o! You probably thought I was going to say "next" but I was totally going to say "now". Ha! You can try this game with some of your friends to see how well they really know you. I'll give you another chance. I sign all of my blog comments as "m" which you probably think stands for a name like Molly or Muffy, right? No, in actuality it stands for "magnificently clever and charming". Wrong again.

My fortune is just out of reach.

Is it just me or do ATM machines cater to people in SUVs now? I pulled up to my local ATM yesterday and I could not reach the card slot without putting my car in park, taking off my seatbelt and hanging half of my body out the window. The guy in front of me got out of his car all together. I have a VW Jetta so it's not like I'm driving one of those little red Shriner cars from parades or anything (which I love, btw).

I hope I'm not shrinking in my old age.

It's a joyous day.

Today marks the birth of the man I married.

Happy Birthday to my dear, sweet MD!

What's "Up"?

I am contemplating getting a bikini wax for our big trip to Vegas. It just seems like a vacation kind of thing to do. I've had one before, so I went to the website of that place and something struck me as odd. It says, "bikini wax: $25 and up". The "up" part threw me. Why isn't it just one price? Where exactly do the "up" charges come in? Do they take a look at you and say, "What you got goin' on there will cost you $30"? I'm just curious to know how that decision is made. And how do I ensure that I pay only $25 and not upward of $25?

Incidentally, a Brazilian wax is $60 and up.

"Madness" Update.

Currently I am in second place in the husband's work NCAA tournament pool. Go me!

In my mom's office pool, I think I'm hanging out at around 70th place. Whoops.

Hi Everybody!

I said I would say it, and I did.

It was SO fun meeting and chatting with the fellow bloggers on Friday night! It was pretty cool. Wouldn't it be great if we set up a larger convention for all those on Blogger to gather? Much like the Star Trek Convention that some likened our evening to. I say the first meeting should be on Maui.

Two Pretzels sure knows a lot of fun and friendly people! And now we all know each other, at least in the Bloggical sense :)


(I love popcorn.)

Competitive much?

I don't like basketball. I ex-pecially hate the NBA. I can usually tolerate this "maddening" college tournament to a certain extent. By that I mean I can usually get into the final half of the final game, if it's close. But this year I've decided to get over myself and I actually filled out one of those brackety things. Actually I did two. Even though the only knowledge I have about basketball is what team my husband likes (Indiana) and what team my Dad likes (Kent State). Other than that, basketball is sweaty tall men with squeaky shoes to me. Sure, I played basketball in sixth and seventh grade so I know the jist, but I'm guessing their objective is more than to make it past the half court line. But I could be way off.

Now that I have a vested interest, I cannot wait til the first game to find out how I did. My mom's and husband's co-workers are gonna feel like horse's asses when they see what they're up against. I didn't pick based on strategy because I have none. I chose based on the "feeling" I got from the team names. I'm sure I'll do awesome.

House Hunting for Idiots.

Thanks to my born again love for HGTV, I have discovered two things about homeowners and those looking for a home:

• EVERYONE loves to entertain. Just once I'd like to hear someone say, "Eh, make the kitchen smaller, I don't want people all up in my biznaz when I'm cooking."

• EVERYONE thinks it's funny to joke about there only being closet space in the master bedroom for the woman. I often hear, "This is great for me, but where's your stuff gonna' go? Then they laugh like they are the first person to ever say that and I roll my eyes.

My addiction to this channel is serious. If I can find a way to get Candice Olsen to my house, I'd have a project or two for her to tackle. Her talent is phenomenal.

End of an Era.

I found my first gray hair yesterday.

I didn't like it. It was taunting me, hanging out in the front of my head and all. Where every time I looked in the mirror it was staring back at me. Laughing.

So I did the only logical thing, I had my husband yank it out of my head. Then I took it, felt its courseness, weeped over the loss of my youth and then spiked it to the ground, cocky football player style.

Let that be a lesson to all of your friends who are sitting up there waiting to sprout.

A montage without pictures.

Today marks my 5-year anniversary at my job. It's unreal. It's been quite the half decade. In honor of this day, I'm going to reflect on the last 5 years of my life. Because I so love montages, this will be a montage, just without photos. Imagine the Green Day song, "Hope you had the time of your life" in your head as you read this.

- I was 24 when I started, now I'm staring 30 in the face.

- Bought my first home. All by myself. Learned ALL about the joys of home ownership. Many valuable lessons learned. Too many, really.

- Traveled to Baltimore for a conference and felt very adult traveling by myself for the first time.

- Met and became friends with my co-worker S and we banded together against evil.

- Met 3 new friends in co-workers K, K and J. Shared many, many laughs together and developed wonderful friendships.

- Gave up trying to find The One. Seemed hopeless. Thankfully I had great friends and a house to focus on.

But wait...

- Thanks in part to K, met a lovely man by the name of MD. He seemed nice. We had quite a bit in common. And he has a great dog. Didn't much care for dogs, until I met this one.

- Traveled with my Mom to my Grandparent's Daytona Beach condo after not having been there in 15 years. It was pretty emotional, I have a lot of fun memories of that place.

- Kept talking to that MD guy. Was really starting to like him. He liked to go places and do fun things. Loved that. We made some trips to Chicago, one of my favorite cities.

- Met some of MD's friends and family members. Awesome people.

- Attended my first NFL game, live. Always wanted to do that.

- Went to Whitewater, Wisconsin with MD. Thought I would go to get some yummy cheese, and came home with a beautiful engagement ring! Cried.

- Met another new friend/co-worker A.

- Bought a wedding dress!

- Made another trip to the Daytona Beach condo. This time with the fiance.

- Traveled to New York with MD and the D's. Nothing better than a road trip with your man and your best friend.

- Fulfilled my dream of attending the Late Show with David Letterman. Got to sit in the front row! Cried.

- Thanks to my parents, had the most beautiful wedding a girl could ask for. And thanks to my new husband, had the most perfect day a girl could dream of. Cried.

- Officially became an aunt. And a "mom". And a sister. And owner of a second home. (Still have the first home. It's for sale if anyone wants to buy it. It is cu-ute.)

- Thanks again to my parents and mother-in-law, fulfilled another dream and traveled to the Big Island of Hawaii. Many wonderful memories were made on that trip. Flew first class for the first (and probably last) time ever.

- Celebrated our first Christmas together as a married couple.

- Cried.

Wow. Who knew so much could happen in 5 years? I guess life is what happens when you are sitting at your desk being a Marketing Coordinator.

I need more.

Damn those Girl Scouts for making their delectable deliciousnesses only once a year. Why someone hasn't stolen the recipe for those Samoas and started mass producing them, I'll never know.

We out.

We booked 2 tickets to the City That Never Sleeps, or is it, The City of Lights, or The City With Legalized Prostitution?... eh, anyway... we're going to Las Vegas!

Woohoo!

We aren't going until May, but I'm already excited. I've only been to Vegas once but I was 14, so I guess I wasn't really there at all. I couldn't do anything but swim at the hotel pool, and it wasn't even a topless pool. I'm pumped to see it for all that is now that I'm legal.

I'd love to hear suggestions on what to see and do from those who have been. Bring 'em.

Feb. 29 = Get off your Duff Day

Next Friday is Leap Day. I, for one, plan on spending this free day doing something extraordinary. I'm going to take care of some things that I just couldn't do in a regular 365-day year. A few things I hope to accomplish:

- solve world peace.
- throw my hat into the Presidential ring.
- figure out what it is about broccoli that I just don't like.
- educate our future on the consequences of global nuclear corrosion on Mars.
- establish an impressive lucrative hedge fund portfolio.
- laundry.

Confessions of an Irritable Traveler.

If there's one thing I realize about myself, it's that I let little things bother me too much. But I'm hoping that because I realize it that it makes me a better human being. It's better than pretending everyone else has the problem, right?

I was in North Carolina this week attending a conference by my lonesome. Which was fine, no problemo. The problem was, I got antsy. I left for the airport yesterday at 2:00 and I didn't get home until 11:00. In that 8-hour span I must have had 16 mental breakdowns. I was acutely and painfully aware of every annoying thing that was going on around me. I was sitting waiting for my plane picking out the people that I HOPED my seat wasn't next to, most notably the girl with the Whooping Cough who should have been in the hospital, not 10,000 feet in the air. I hated her.

I didn't want to hear the kid in front of me scream, I didn't want to hear the lady behind me crack her gum and smack her lips, I didn't want the person in front of me to lean her seat back in my face, and I didn't want the guy behind me to kick my seat. I wanted to be HOME. And why does it always happen that when you are on that final leg of the trip, the light is at the end of the tunnel, something goes wrong? I was 45 minutes from home, after a 4-hour layover at Detroit Metro, we are all set for take off and the pilot slams on the breaks and the lights go out. As it turns out, we needed to de-ice. So we stopped and waited for 30 minutes while they sent the de-icing machines. Twice. That was it, that was my breaking point. I thought to myself, "What if I just went off right now? What if I just completely unleashed on these people? What would they do?" Well, I probably would have been detained at Detroit's finest prison or mental institution, that's what. I was so worked up and uber tired. My body was so tense and I know I had the world's sourest expression on my face. I was scowling. I think that was the most unpleasant I have ever been.

The most painful realization was that there is nothing I could do about it, I had to find a way to cope. It was both enlightening and disheartening. From now on, direct flights. No more monkeying around.

And since when did they do away with snacks on Northwest Airlines? I had the option to buy Pringles for $2 but I found that appalling and insulting.

I could be famous.

In case you can't see, not sure what I need to do here, but I look like Eva Peron (Evita. Ha!) 63% and Barbara Mori (whoever she is?) 62%. And yeah, that's Keith Urban in the back. I look like him 59%. It must be the hair.

Now we can see who is reading each other's blogs since we all have this! Love it.

after 9 months.

There was this one time where I felt as though my blog was lacking. It was fluff, it wasn't doing what I wanted it to do. So I went on hiatus. I wasn't sure I would ever return. I was content reading everyone else's and making clever quips on their entries. But then, something happened, something that jolted this blog recluse back into coherence. Although not earth-shattering, it was still something special. Something I had to talk about.

And tonight, it returns. It's all NEW and with the promise of 7 more to follow. This mediocre blogger is thrilled.

I'm still not overly pleased with the direction of this blog. But tonight's event coupled with the fact that we got a brand new couch yesterday and the potential for a hot, crackling fire makes me forget all about my woes.

On the road again.

We traveled to southern Indiana over the weekend to visit family and eat some damn good pizza. Here are a few of our experiences:

• Jerry Seinfeld = fab. I think he's hilarious. His voice and his delivery are spectacular. My sister-in-law does this thing where she laughs really hard, can't breathe and then starts wheezing. Very loudly. She did that during the show.

• If you want a good smile, ask a kid who they are voting for for President. My 9-year-old niece said either "the black dude or the white lady". Then later decided the white lady did not have good fashion sense and therefore she would not vote for her.

• 27 Dresses is an ok movie. It's certainly no contender for the Oscars, but when you're with 5 other women, it's the perfect afternoon waster.

• Our dog is a great traveler. As long as she feels well. Whoa.

• We made a withdrawal from the Donut Bank. That's still the best name for a donut place. Ever.

• My life is not worth living if I don't eat Turoni's pizza once in a while.

The End.

"But I don't wanna be a Pirate"

We're totally going to see Jerry Seinfeld on Friday! We'll be traveling to MD's hometown for the excitement, along with my brother- and sister-in-law. It should be a fun time. I saw him when he came to T-town a few years ago and I actually stopped breathing because I laughed so hard. It was dangerous.

I know there are some haters out there who either didn't care for the show or for him, but his stand-up is quite hilarious regardless of how you felt about the show. I, on the other hand, am a big fan of all things Seinfeld so I'm really looking forward to seeing him again. And we're going to be right up in his biznaz in the 7th row center, courtesy of my mother-in-law. I hope he wears a puffy shirt.

Cannot. wait.

Midwestern Girl for Life.

Today is one of those days that I love. It's cold, but not windy, and sunny. It's just one of those days where you can smell the crisp, clean fresh air. It gets into your lungs but it feels nice. It's also one of those days where I appreciate the above description as I walk to my car in the parking lot, but then can't wait to get home and snuggle by a fire and stay the hell out of it!

This may not make sense to anyone other than me, but I like the way food tastes when you've just taken a bite and then happen to open a door or step outside. It's like the true flavor comes alive. I certainly don't take a bite and then stick my head outside, but it happens sometimes and every time it does I say, "ooh, that was enjoyable!"

I will never move to a warm climate. It's not for me. I need days like today.

Boo to Wednesdays.

It is my belief that Wednesdays are the worst day of the week. As much as people hate Mondays, I rather enjoy them. They go quickly. Wednesdays just drag. And today feels extra long because I'm excited to go home and enjoy the fabulous French Dip that has been simmering in my crock pot all day long. I can smell it from here. No really, I can. Our house is just across the street from work and it smells really beefy outside. My mouth is watering.

Powerless.

We lost power last night for 2 hours. The whole street was out. I'm not sure why. But I do know that it's incredibly challenging to do anything in total darkness. I was folding laundry when the lights went out and since I had starting doing it, I had to finish. So I was folding by the light of my new LED flashlight* that I won in the office White Elephant gift exchange. That was a lucky pick!

The husband was en route for the first hour so I was left to my own devices. I was convinced that someone had done this on purpose so they could break in and hurt me. I had a whole escape plan developed and my phone was with me at all times. It was totally silent, which is a very uncomfortable feeling. I can't live without background noise.

I was scared. I was bored. I was cold. I still tried to do normal things, but it was impossible so I gave up, snuggled with the dog and we read InStyle.


*LED flashlights are awesome. No batteries needed. You just wind it up and it goes forever. Everyone should have one in cases like these. It gave me peace of mind to know that the batteries weren't going to die. Get one.

Mediocrity killed the cat.

I'm not great about blogging. I have no idea why. I love reading everyone else's but just feel a mental block when I go to write one. And then when I do write one, I edit and modify and rewrite the crap out of it. There's a lot of anxiety involved. A lot of anxiety I just don't need. But for those who are still reading this thing, here's an update:

• We went to Chicago for Christmas to hang with the D family. It was lovely. Had a nice time. Although I was pretty sad being away from my family for the first time ever on Christmas, the D family managed to make it a little less sad because they are fun people who do fun things. They make me laugh.

• The whole family went to see Wicked. While I enjoyed the singing and such, I just couldn't get into the story. I am a big fan of the Wizard of Oz and can't wrap my head around the Wicked Witch being anything but wicked. But it was well done and I'm glad I saw it. I have such a huge appreciation for people with talent like that. I'm so jealous of them.

• I found out that I'm going to be an aunt! But this time I'll be a legit aunt, since this baby is coming after my induction to the D family. This will be the first family member that I have seniority over!

• I was sad to see 2007 go. It was such a fabulous year for me. With the Wedding, Hawaii and seeing the Late Show in person, 2008 really has a lot to live up to.

On the Receiving End.

Last night I caved. After days and weeks of prodding, I finally caved and my husband (tee hee, I still chuckle when I say it, although today is our two month anniversary! Yay for us!) and I opened our Christmas gifts to each other. He couldn't stand the wait any longer. Taking a cue from his Mom who can get just about anything a person could ever want with her admirable persistence and well-written letters... just ask the 6'5" signed Peyton Manning jersey currently hanging in our hallway... he got me an autographed 8 x 10 color photo of Mr. David Letterman! It's beautiful. I cried. I absolutely love it. They sent it directly to our house from the Ed Sullivan theatre in New York, no third party ebay handlers here! It went from Dave's desk to our mailbox. Well, directly to MD's work mailbox so that i didn't see it. Sneaky.

I love how creative he was and I love how well he knows me. But even more, I love how excited he was to give it to me, it's too cute and very special.


P.S. All the gifts that he got me were awesome but this was by far my fave!

Realizations suck.

At what age do you go from being able to ride roller coasters for hours at a time to not being able to dry your hair upside-down because you get lightheaded? I made a quick, sharp swerve in my car in the parking lot today and it made me dizzy. It's ridiculous. I don't get it. When did this happen? Why did it happen? I remember getting upset with my mom when I was younger because she would never ride the roller coasters at Cedar Point. Now I understand why.

More and more I'm realizing the effects of getting older. It's quite unpleasant.

Gag me with a croissant.

I really hate the smell of cigarette smoke. There's nothing like being in a meeting and sitting next to the guy who smells like he just bowled a few games over his lunch hour.

Good thoughts appreciated.

My dear friend Turtle Parade is taking a BIG career exam on Friday, so big that when she's done, I'll have to call her Dr. Turtle Parade. That's so amazing to me. It's tres cool. I wish her all the best, not that really she needs it cause she's super smart, but I hope she knows I'm thinking of her and that I am already in awe of her and her accomplishments. I'm rounding up good thoughts for her, for those of you reading, please join in the effort.


(S, I hope you don't mind that I wrote this. I can't help it, I'm excited for you.)

Call it nesting if you must.

I am all about cooking right now. In years past, I wasn't much of a cook. Or maybe I was, I just didn't know it seeing as I was cooking for one and that ain't fun. Thanksgiving morning I got up semi early, made myself some coffee, turned on the Macy's parade and baked my ass off. I was making pies and casseroles and dips and probably could have made more but I thought showing up at my aunt and uncle's house with 4 things was enough. I didn't want to be the Grinch Who Stole Thanksgiving Cooking from anyone.

I got to use my new baking and cookingware that I got for the wedding. It was so fun. And I think everything turned out well, although I was a little disappointed in my pumpkin pie. Seemed kinda gritty to me.

Now I'm trying to plan what to make for Christmas. It will be interesting because we are traveling to Chicago. I guess I could make stuff when I get there, but that seems weird? Not sure what I'll do.

Such a shame.

I feel bad for Thanksgiving. It's such an unassuming holiday. It's arguably the only holiday Hallmark, and by Hallmark I mean society, hasn't completely ripped the guts out of. It's nice. It's about family and food and thank you's. These are a few of my favorite things.

Now, I adore the Christmas season. So far, I'm not one of those Crazies who cries and complains about the malls or about the pressure of the holiday. But maybe that comes when you have kids, so that remains to be seen. I am still naive and appreciate the lights and the anticipation and the tree decorating and the cookie eating and the family gatherings and general merriment and my annual Christmas-song piano playing. But all in due time. After Thanksgiving only. That's just how I was raised.

I'd also like to know how we go from giving thanks one month to punching the lady who has the gift we want the next? A month ago we were so thankful for what we had. And now my grandma needs a police escort to her car for fear of being tackled for being lucky enough to grab the "gift of the year". I just don't get it.

I'm sorry that the giving of thanks only lasts one day. I'm sorry that it's seen as just a road block until we get to the "real" holiday. And I'm sorry that it's not appreciated for what it is. It's a shame.

I guess the Thanksgiving spirit hasn't hit some people yet

Last night, on my way home from the store, I saw the gas station closest to our house had gas for $2.99. "Whoopee!", I exclaimed with jubilant glee. (Then I smacked my forehead because I've been tricked by the gas people into thinking that's cheap. Wah, wah, wah.) I pull up to the pumps and it appears that everyone is taking advantage of the (not) cheap gas, so I have to wait. No biggie. So I'm sitting there patiently waiting my turn at Pump 4 when the previous customer pulls out. Perfect, I had picked the right pump! She pulls toward me, so I have to wait for her to leave. Meanwhile, some skank in a dirty, crappy truck pulls into MY spot from the other direction. She totally saw me too. I inched forward almost hitting her to prove my point. She still pretended not to see me. The nerve! I was honked.

But here's where the story gets good:

So the skank has my spot at the pump, which apparently also angered the person in the maroon Rendezvous next to them, who knew I was waiting and witnessed the whole robbery. The Rendezvous proceeds to roll down its window and yell at the skank for taking my spot. It was beautiful! They were sticking up for me! I couldn't quite hear the exchange but I could see the skank mouthing "I don't care". The Rendezvous was the next car to leave so I pulled into that pump. The skank yells to me, "Is there a problem?" and me wanting to be all tough but knowing that she looks very unpredictable just decides to say, "Yes, I was waiting" and left it at that. I don't need to show up at Thanksgiving dinner with a black eye. As I'm pumping my gas I look over my shoulder and see the maroon Rendezvous waiting at the exit, either to make sure everything was ok or to extend a bit of road rage on to the skank in the truck as they exited the parking lot. Either way, the maroon Rendezvous was like my guardian angel, looking out for the little guy. So I guess the Thanksgiving spirit is alive in some people. I pumped my gas and got back in my car and with as much anger and spite as I could muster, I rolled down my window and gave her the biggest bird my middle finger could produce. That time she saw me. That made me feel better.

Thank you dear maroon Rendezvous, I appreciate your support. I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving. I know on Thursday I will be thankful that there are people like you who truly care about justice.

So what brings you two here?

I really enjoy traveling. It's always great to get outside of our four walls and experience life on four wheels. This weekend our travels took us to Chicago. More specifically, not downtown Chicago, but a suburb of. Our mission for this trip was two-fold, get our dog back and introduce ourselves to our Wii. We ate a lot of GOOD food, even some that didn't have skin in it! And hung out with the always fabulous brothers- and sisters-in-law.

You people got a Wii? If so, have you subsequently canceled your gym memberships? Cause I tell you what, I'm gonna Box myself all the way to the Mrs. Strong America contest. Got children with sloth issues? Buy them this thing and force them to play for two hours a day. After a month, you won't even recognize them. Nervous about those inevitable superfluous holiday pounds? Throw away your Cindy Crawford workout tapes and pop in Wii tennis. Same workout, and less annoying!

I may live to regret this, but part of me enjoys family drama. Where I come from, there's no such thing. Maybe because we're not a large family, maybe because no one really shares too much of their lives with each other, maybe because we've got our problems and don't care about anyone elses, but in any event, we've been pretty drama free. A certain wedding shower excluded. But family drama, in small doses, interests me. I don't need to be involved, I just like being a voyeur.

It's that time of year where we are thankful for things. I'm thankful that I have so many things to be thankful for.

Hello! Because I'm not a poser.

I don't know if a lot of people are like me, but whenever it's time to go home from a vacation, I cry. When I was 13, my extended family and I went on a cruise. The last night we were there, I bawled. I told everyone that I just had a headache, I didn't want to admit that I was crying because I didn't want to go home. My parents knew better. This trip was no different. This was the ultimate vacation, our honeymoon. Who's not gonna cry when they are leaving Hawaii? Some things you just don't grow out of.

Some tear-worthy highlights:

• Helicopter ride over Mt. Kilhuea.
• Walking through the rain forests/waterfalls of Hilo.
• Snorkeling in the best snorkel spot in all of Hawaii, top 20 in the country.
• Getting within feet of a family of spinner dolphins, including a baby.
• Going to my first luau and discovering that my new career goal is to be a hula dancer. I was enthralled.
• Picnic on the coral beach.
• Eating the BEST steak I've ever had in my life. At Roy's.
• Eating the BEST pizza I've ever had in my life. (sorry MD) At the Kona Brewing Company.
• Drinking the BEST pina colada I've ever had in my life. At the Marriott hotel.
• Almost buying a timeshare.
• My first real massage. In our room.
• A sunset cruise with some really nice and funny people.
• Realizing that Hawaii is more than just palm trees and beaches.
• Flying first-class. Um, how do you go back to coach after that?
• The beach. On our last night.

And so many other memories that we will have forever. Together. I know everyone says they wish they could have a wedding every year, but I think I'd like to take a honeymoon every year. Not a vacation, but a honeymoon. To say that I loved it would be the understatement of the year.

MD, you're awesome traveling companion. I love you.

Quick note, then I'm off

The wedding was absolutely perfect. Not only because everything was beautiful, but because there wasn't one glitch in the whole day. The weather was awesome, the flowers were spectacular, all of the bridesmaids and groomsmen looked wonderful (and are wonderful), the location was everything that I hoped for and more. And my groom was [insert best adjective you can think of, I'll pick] incredible! I just love him. Everything came together so well and it was the definition of perfect.

I'm so thankful that there were no mini dramas to deal with. It's still crazy to me that we pulled it off so well. It was the wedding day I always dreamed of. Magical. I don't even know how to begin to thank my parents. They have been so loving, thoughtful and generous during this time and throughout my entire life. How on earth I got so lucky to have all of this, I will never know.

Perfect.

And to prolong the perfection a bit further, on Saturday we are off to the Big Island of Hawaii for our honeymoon! I can hardly stand it.

In case you hadn't heard...

I'M MARRIED!

No longer in the middle

The time here at work is winding down until I go on bridal leave. I will soon be leaving as an individual with an alliterated moniker and will return as one half of a 'squared' couple. It's an interesting feeling. I'm not having the "whoa, I'm losing my identity" crisis, but it's still kind of perplexing to know that I won't be who I've claimed to be for the last 29 years, 4 months and 5 days. I'm stepping into the phone booth of life, ripping off my shirt and emerging as a whole new being.

Well, MM, we've led a good life. We've gotten this far without much complaint. Sure, I wish you had had more confidence in yourself and sure I wish you hadn't made some of those decisions and mistakes. But look where it's gotten us. All of life's trials and tribulations have led us to the MD life. And I see a lot of promise over there. There's much more happiness to be found and things to be uncovered. It'll be a whole new world for us. I know we're ready.

One handed countdown

We can now count on one hand the number of days til the wedding! At this point, we are totally golden. Stuff is organized in piles and ready to go. All the details are pretty much complete. The one thing that's left won't take but a mere 30 minutes.

My biggest concern now is making sure that I take the time to remember all of this excitement. Before you know it, I'll be blogging about how great everything was. So I don't want anything else to enter my cranium before Saturday. So don't tell me anything between now and then that you want me to remember. Cause I'm not gonna. But don't worry, come October 21st, I'll totally remember what your license plate number is. I haven't completely lost it, sheesh.

p.s. I must thank the 'fiance for 5 more days' for being one of those helpful fiances and not the kind who just wants to "show up". We rocked and rolled on Sunday. Crossing things off the list, leaving nothing in our wake. Thank you!

Who am I?

We are 10 days out and I am surprisingly calm. Hopefully I'm not jynxing things by saying that. This is not normal for me. I am a worrier. I worry about things big and small. I worry about being worried.

But I'm not worried.

Since when am I not worried? I'm worried I don't know the answer to that. But it's nice to not be worried about the wedding. And it's awfully darn confusing.

I'm not sure who this person is, but I'm beginning to like her.

Some thoughts

• I think it's rude to tell someone they look good when they've lost weight. I feel it implies that they did not look good before. It seems like a backhanded compliment.

• I'm speaking generally here, but I think men are naturally more attractive than women. Women make themselves look good, men just are.

Mike, I'm thinking of you today. I know you can do it. Good luck!

It's official!

Well, almost. But more official than it was an hour ago. $40 CASH and a signed declaration that you weren't intoxicated and don't have syphillis will get you one marriage license. Woohoo!

You know who's really funny?

My grandma.

She is nearly 81 years old and is an absolute hoot. What's great about her is that she's not the wild and crazy grandma who is always doing kooky things, she is very into manners and doing the right thing yet she will bust out the funniest, most unexpected one-liners and have the whole family cracking up.

What's even more tickling are her recent purchases: A year ago, she bought a computer with virtually no knowledge of technology whatsoever. At the time of this post, she is still trying to master the double-click. There is nothing funnier than checking my yahoo mail and seeing a forwarded message from her because I know it took her at least 10 minutes to read the directions my Dad wrote down for her in order to send the email. She has also recently purchased a 46-inch flat screen tv, which I can only assume is so she can get a better view of the products on QVC. That, and she loves college football. I dare you to watch a high-intensity Buckeyes game with her and not get excited. You would think you were at the game, in the student section, with your face painted, by all of the hooting and hollering she does.

Five years ago she fought off a purse snatcher in the grocery store parking lot. He told her he had a gun and wanted her purse. Instead of getting scared and handing over her purse, she took her cart and pushed it as hard as she could at him and screamed at the top of her lungs. He ran and was caught the next day. She is the fiestiest 4'9" woman you'll ever meet. And she's healthy as a horse. A rarity indeed.

She's hilarious. And I love her.

Spelling B.

Last week, my co-worker and I were in a spelling bee. It was my third time participating. I just love it - I've always been a good speller and since there really isn't money to be made in Spelling, I have to settle for the yearly Bee to get my jollies. This year, however, was wrought with scandal. In the sixth round, the "pronouncer" misprounced our word. He was corrected by the judges but we had already made up our minds as to how we were going to spell the word. Thus, we were eliminated. But it was a proud showing for us (my personal best out of the 3 years!), leaving approximately 20 out of 32 teams in our wake.

For ever more, I will know how to spell "nihilism". Pronounced nigh-el-ism. NOT knee-el-ism. Ass.

This much fun is illegal.

This picture pretty much sums up my weekend. That's me. On a bull. A mechanical one of course. What a fantastic celebration! My family and friends are just amazing - I love you all! Thank you again for being a part of this ridiculousness!

Here we go.

Second shower and bachelorette party tomorrow night. This should be nothing short of fantastic. Tomorrow's shower is the more "fun" of the two and could not technically be counted as a shower. The BFF TP has gone above and beyond the white tablecloths, mints-at-every-table, debutante shower and is making it a more laid-back wine tasting with friends. Plus, there will be meatballs. I've already chalked it up as a success.

But I will admit, part of me is slightly worried about the bachelorette party. I'm harkening back to my 21st birthday celebration in which I got extremely sick and needed 2 days to recover. And now, being 29, something tells me that it would take at least two weeks to recover from a similar situation. The 'ole body just can't hang like it used to. And I've got me two wild and crazy (and incredibly awesome) soon-to-be-sisters-in-law who know how to show someone a good time. Hopefully I will escape unscathed and with intestines intact. Or at the least, only slightly bruised.

The Big Island.

I do not intend to make this blog all gushy, mushy and bridezilla-like, but like it's been suggested, this would be a good place to record the wedding happenings. So, in keeping with this idea... we purchased the tickets for our honeymoon last night! Two first-class (innumerable thank you's go out to my parents for that one) tickets to Hawaii are in the possession of our hotmail and yahoo accounts.

I cannot wait to see Hawaii! The water, the sand, the volcanos, the luaus, the real plumeria leis, the coffee, I can barely stand to think about it. It will be yet another item that I can cross off my list of things to do in life. It's amazing how many of those I've been able to do the last year and a half.

Two months.

60 days from today! I hear all the time how quickly these next 2 months will go and I don't care for that. I want to remember all of this, I don't want it to go by in a blur.

What do I have to do to get time to slow down?

Heroes.

When last we left the fantastic foursome, they were on their way to a lovely baseball game up north to celebrate the birth of the eldest member of the foursome...

Scene: We find the fantastic foursome in a less-than-desirable flat tire situation on a major thoroughfare at approximately 11:00 p.m. Location: unknown. But we think somewhere near an exit titled, #18.

Suddenly, the Bat Signal flared, the adrenaline kicked in and the Flying Fiance was off! He was dodging traffic, toting tires, rattling off the names of tools that he needed like a surgeon demanding a scalpel from the nurse, throwing around lugnuts and jackhammers or some such. All the while maintaining a certain sense of calmness that allowed my 'rents and I to remain unpaniced as well. It was impressive. I was proud.

Due to his unimaginable superhero strength, he was able to bend steel and we were unable to complete the task alone. We called for reinforcements and were escorted home in the back of the car in the back of a tow truck. Alas, all was not lost. Our hero was victorious.

This lesson to be learned here is this: Heroes don't get flustered, boys and girls. It is always best to stay calm. Getting upset and pissy does not make the situation disappear, it only begets more stress. For all. This is definitely something this viewer learned.

Until next time, friends...

tragic.

There will never again be a time where the following sentence won't be used in reference to an unfortunate incident in America...

"The Homeland Security Department said the collapse did not appear to be terrorism-related"