A letter to the makers of men's cologne:

Please, PLEASE urge men to only use one squirt (2 at the most) of your product. Using any more than this may cause friends/loved ones/co-workers to gag. Uncontrollably. I feel a disclaimer on the back of the bottle is warranted. Please write me back and let me know when this has been taken care of. Sincerely yours, Pencils and Heels.

A letter to wearers of men's cologne:

Please, PLEASE only use one squirt (2 at the most) of cologne. By using multiple squirts, you are inducing headaches and ruining tastebuds. You may be the most gentle of men, but really you are doing yourself a disservice because no one will ever want to get close to you. And those who have no choice but to be close to you, will be flaming angry and unable to focus. Perhaps no one has had the courage to tell you that you are using too much, so as a general rule of thumb, squirt once and END IT! For crying out loud, you stink! Sincerely yours, Pencils and Heels.

#1 in my Top Ten List!

I can think of no better way to start this blog, than to give a shout out to my all-time favorite funnyman! I have been an avid fan of his for 12 years, even before I was allowed to stay up and watch the show. His wit, his charm and his wonderful ability to laugh at himself (and his great ties!) are unparalleled in current late-night television. (And have you seen him talk about his son?? Beyond precious.) I can only hope that some day I'll be lucky enough to sit in the Late Show audience and be in the presence of greatness.

Dave, if you're reading this: I have the utmost respect for you and your talents. Thank you for many years of laughter and joy!