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- I think it's rude to tell someone they look good when they've lost weight. I feel it implies that they did not look good before. It seems like a backhanded compliment.
- I'm speaking generally here, but I think men are naturally more attractive than women. Women make themselves look good, men just are.
7 comments:
Interesting how being the opposite sex works... I would say that men, as a whole, are not attractive.
I recall a movie once (or tv show) describing naked men as "partially decorated Chistmans trees". Maybe you are talking clothed only, but a naked woman is a beautiful thing.
I think it's all about perspective.
I was referring more to the fact that women put more effort into looking good than most men do.
Would we be as attractive if we didn't wear make-up to hide our flaws, pluck our eyebrows, flat iron our hair, paint our nails, etc?
I'm having a hard time saying what I mean, but au naturale, men are attractive without the effort. Women feel unattractive without it.
I think you got to the hear of it with your last statement. "Women FEEL unattractive without it."
Who judges women and their beauty more/more harshly? Men? Or women? I think you are beautiful when you are primped and proper, and when you are fresh out of bed on a saturday morning. I actually prefer the natural look. To look good with minimal/no effort is more impressive and hotter than knowing a lady has spent hours and hours doing the same.
Just because you (women) feel compelled to spend all that time and effort to FEEL more beatiful does not mean you are not beautiful without that effort.
i think M is right....women (for the most part) do feel unattractive without all the primping, etc. i know that i can't (won't?) leave the house w/out at least powder, mascara and lip gloss on.
my husband could care less if i'm all "done up"....so yeah, it's all me and my issues.
I'm with you M.
A particular family member of mine was going through a divorce and an abnormal (and unhealthy) amount of poundage melted off of her. EVERYONE told her she looked good. Not cool when all she was eating daily was yogurt. Now, she's hovering at 100 lbs. Thank you everyone. Thanks for telling her she looks good. Way to enable/re-enforce that behavior.
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In terms of men being naturally attractive - true. You don't see them blogging about the benefits of bare minerals, tweezers, hair products, etc. If we (females) were to "let ourselves be au natural" it would be ugly. Downright ugly.
C., my lovely husband, says women deteriorate over night. :-)
If I can offer a different view of the weight thing. I don't mean to seem harsh but I'm not sure how else to word it...
As someone who has always had a weight problem since age 8, I have found that getting compliments from other people when I have lost the weight has improved my self-esteem and in turn keeps me motivated to get to a healthier weight through proper eating and exercise. I personally feel that if you don't think complimenting people who have lost weight is a good thing, then you have not struggled with a weight problem yourself (I'm not trying to sound harsh - I say this with respect). And by that comment, I don't mean gaining 5 or 10 pounds while on a cruise, I mean being 30 or more pounds overweight for an extended period of time. When someone loses that weight, it's wonderful, not only because they feel better but it's better for their health. So tell them so.
Regardless of the reason someone is overweight, be it an eating disorder or just lack of exercise, it's usually good to compliment them on a weight loss. When I have lost weight and it's obvious to someone I haven't seen in a while, it just seems awkward when they ignore it. Probably not awkward to them, but to me. Isn't it great to tell someone they look fabulous? Isn't it great to be told you look fabulous? As someone who has gone through this, when a thin person doesn't say, "hey, you look great!" it makes me wonder if they're blind. Or if they just don't care.
Two Pretzels, I understand that your example is not positive and I feel badly for that person, but this is just my take on it. If it was me and I lost weight and received tons of compliments and felt great about myself, a sudden lack of compliments would make me want to lose more weight because I'd probably wonder, gosh, have I gained? Do I need to keep losing? I'd then keep losing and spin out of control with it and not know when to stop.
Do you see where I'm going with it? It seems like an odd thought process but it all relates to body image problems and eating disorders. Stopping the compliments won't solve the problem - it might even make it worse. Try having a heart to heart with that person.
Thanks for reading.
In regards to the men thing...I just don't think men always have the same pressures women do in regards to apperance. I am not saying those pressures from men to look good aren't there but I just don't think they are as extreme as the pressures put on women.
In our "natural" ungroomed state if a woman went out who didn't shave, wore no make up, and didn't have her hair "perfect" but she still loved how she looked would PEOPLE think she was attractive? It is sad to say but probably not. Now I man who didn't shave, did nothing with his hair (maybe had some grays), and put on an old t-shirt...we wouldn't think twice..he would still be attractive. But in today's society, women are kinda forced into keeping up their appearance and being "attractive".....thank goodness I have a man who doesn't mind a little stubble on my legs
:-)
As for the weight, as being someone who has lost ALOT of weight and also put ALOT of the weight back on and is trying to loose ALOT of weight again I think it all depends on how and who says that comment as well as if the person is actually trying to loose weight if this comment is appropriate.
When I lost weight, when my close friends and family said that, I knew it was not a backhanded compliment. They always told me I looked good before but then when I was losing weight and they told me I looked good it made me happy! When I started loosing too much weight they told me to stop.
Now that isn't to say there weren't some people who would make comments like "WOW, you just lost so much weight, you look good. Better than before" That made me want to cry. It was in their tone and HOW they said it that really hurt my feelings. But I think if someone who is activly pursuing to lose weight has lost a noticeable amount of weight...then statements like that are ok!
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